Another batch of excerpts from “Duck Sauce”, a novel I scribbled thirty years ago and recently rediscovered…
The methodology: Search for signs of intelligent life in the yellowed pages and share them, unedited, as mini-mirrors of my writing at that time. (Trust, I’ve had to gnaw at my fingers to keep from making updates.)
The analysis so far: Holy cow, this thing is a mess. The first chapter, as a whole, is miserable. I can’t imagine that any respectable publishing agent would be satisfied after reading it. But there are mildly-redeeming bits, half-seeds of potential.
What I’m sharing this time: The few bright spots in that chapter. Apparently, I thought I was paying homage to something like Louis Malle’s movie, “My Dinner with Andre”. (I was wrong.) It’s an extended conversation about nothing and everything.
Bit One, in which the main character thought-bubbles on a past he doesn’t really know…
Rumor has it that things went much differently at earlier times in American history, especially during an obscure period known as the Late Sixties and Early Seventies. Details are sketchy, as is anything occurring before Reagan was president, but it seems that many members of the populace at that time proclaimed a deep and profound love of the environment, immediately changing their lifestyles in dramatic and moving ways.
This generally began with the donning of strange, tie-dyed apparel, accented with love beads and unkempt hair. In many circles, clothing was often considered too restrictive and an evil invention of an unusual race referred to as The Squares. These naked free spirits listened to unusual music (the scary kind that actually made you think) and pretty much did as they pleased, with lots of running about in the woods, having sex with everyone and singing poignant songs about the whole experience.
It was supposedly a beautiful thing, but few of those who ran and sang can tell you exactly what happened. (Let’s not ponder too long on the fact that these same people are now running the country, despite being in therapy over the brutal end of the Yuppie Years.) All they can remember of that period was that they took massive amounts of drugs for years, then they woke up one hazy morning with children named Roach Clip and Bean Sprout.
Bit two, in which two of the characters are not impressed by a dubious supposition presented by a third character, Devon. (Stage direction: It should be noted that all three are eating peanut butter sandwiches. The reason behind such is not important.)
[Devon] leaned back very confidently and stuck a piece of bread crust in his mouth.
“That has got to be the most incredibly stupid thing I’ve ever heard,” I said, in what I thought was a very pleasant tone, considering the idiocy of his theory.
He swallowed the yeast product. “It is NOT stupid. It makes perfect sense. It’s long been proven that we look for what we remember from childhood, for the rest of our lives, because it makes us feel content and safe. Like the female who continually has sex with men who remind her of her loving father.”
“Excuse me, Devon,” said Shelley, gracefully wiping away a healthy dab of peanut butter from her delicate chin and smearing the substance on the side of the bench. (An explorative ant soon chanced upon the goo, rubbing his antennae together and sending back the exhilarating message that great treasures had been found.) “But I really think you are quite sick in the head and that you should refrain from associating with me until adequate counseling has been administered. Besides, I’ve already had sex with my father and I assure you that I would much rather masturbate with a hedge trimmer.” She nonchalantly proceeded with the consumption of her sandwich.
Small pause.
Devon looked quite pale for a bit, then slowly regained tentative control of his speech organs. “Are you serious?” he asked, in a lame little voice with just the slightest hint of dark enjoyment at the revelation.
“Of course I’m serious,” she snapped. “One shouldn’t joke about sex, especially in a society where women already have to deal with the fact that men were born with the penises, and therefore think that this gives them eternal domination rights. Do you want your apple? I’m still hungry.”
She latched onto said object, biting into it wetly and sending a small spray of juice across Devon’s astonished face. He didn’t bother to wipe it away, letting a small drop leap from his chin and strike the previously-mentioned ant, who went into a tizzy at this unending cornucopia of delightful discoveries. He had a small but wrenching orgasm and lit up a very tiny cigarette.
Third bit, small in stature, the final line of the chapter…
Then, of course, the sugar rush from the peanut butter wore off and we simply stood at the base of the sign, breathing heavily and pretending to be searching the skies for signs of third-world pilots.
Wrap-Up Analysis: First, it gives me great satisfaction to realize that my imagination has apparently never known any limitations. I never want to let that flag droop. Second, my apologies to anyone who might have thought I was making light of familial abuse in the second excerpt. Not my intention at all. We find out later that the Shelley character was just annoyed with the Devon character, and things transgressed. Third, I didn’t even remember that I created characters named “Shelley” and “Devon” until I re-read this book. I have no clue about the inspiration behind such.
Fourth, please let me know in the comments if you do or do not find posts like this appealing. I don’t want to bore everyone with my possibly self-indulgent memory-lane adventures.
Cheers.
Categories: Work In Progress
Bonnywood Manor 
Nothing wrong with self-indulgence, as Hedge Trimmer Shelley was oft to say. Seriously though, its your blog, do with it what you will! There is definite roots to your current freewheeling style even back then.
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Thank you, Wizard of Obb. You speak truth, and I’m listening, but there’s that nagging bit of me that still wants to make everyone happy. Mainly because I was constantly told in my wee bairn years that I didn’t make anyone happy. And so it goes…
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Just so you know, people in parts of Australia call bologna Devon.
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Really? Do I dare ask why?
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I don’t know why. In South Australia they call bologna Frttz!
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In New Zild we call it luncheon… I personally call it awful.
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As the old song goes “More, more, more…”🎶 please and thank you!
I love these peeks into your imagination! And you never know what is going to get someone else’s wheels turning in this great WP machine we’re all part of.
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I totally agree that you never know what might inspire someone else. And I fully confess that I often get story ideas from some random snippet that I rather enjoyed on someone else’s blog. We all hold up mirrors, and we each see different things in those mirrors…
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Meander your path, just remember to drop such delightful crumbs along the way (and we’ll hope that ant fell asleep after his orgy with edible things, and doesn’t rally the troops to come gather the crumbs). I must admit to laughing aloud with the references to that halcyon time when people actually thought the Earth was worth saving and that sex was free. The somber clouds of AIDS hovered a bit far from the horizon of course and AIDS rained on the parade, ruining it for everyone who enjoyed their frolics al fresco. I ‘get’ the clothing optional school of thought, but most folks don’t need a visual of what I’ve become as the years rolled on, so I don’t indulge much any more. Well not unless the window shades are all pulled completely down. Even then it seems that some sycophant of Murphy comes ringing my doorbell and insisting that I answer, which causes the ‘what clothing, vaguely decent, can I pull on the fastest?” The reason God invented muu-muus. Anyway. Do carry on, tantalizing us with excerpts from what promises to be a great book. Please sir.
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First, I think the satisfied ant does appear in a later episode. I’ve barely consumed the entire manuscript, but there’s a faint bell ringing that I tried to revisit said insect as some type of Greek chorus. We shall see.
Second, I think the outrage in America against personal choices concerning nudity is far over-rated. Use this information as you see fit.
Third, and this might be getting a bit deep, I think that if it weren’t for the AIDS pandemic, our society would be much more liberal than it is now. The Republicans seized on that situation as a tool to inspire fear, and they’ve been repeating that methodology ever since…
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I like your (younger) style. 🙂
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Thank you. I’m rather fond of my younger style as well, mainly as a reminder that I’ve somehow managed to get beyond the ignorance and innocence of what I once was… 😉
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I think the first line in the chapter should be “he swallowed the yeast product” because it made me snort-laugh. Maybe you can work the story around that phrase.
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Good point, even more so because that line made me cringe when I broke the rusty seal on this long-lost story. I actually wanted to take it out when I shared the snippet, but now I’m wondering if I should revisualize the entire story…
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HaHa! Well, you may want to get a second opinion because I’ve been told (told in that way where someone wants to be as kind as possible about being rude) that my humor is “unorthodox.” 🙂
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You seem to write of an era that you know…You covey those times perfectly for your readers. As always, well done, not too raw not too dry…just right take a bow maestro!
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You have the admirable talent of being able to say just the right things to someone who always questions the deeds they have done… 😉
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Just a thought, Brian, but perhaps the phone book isn’t the best source for a novel. Gripping, yes, by kind of dated.
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So, I scrolled up and reviewed this post to see if I was missing a clever reference that you were making, but I didn’t make the connection. Enlighten me, kind sir…
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Self indulgencience is half the reason I read these! Enlighten us great one!
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I always strive to enlighten. Of course, this means different things to different people, and some of those people end up in a courtroom… 😉
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First off, your insecurity is charming, but blogging by nature IS a little self-indulgent, is it not? That’s why we’re here. There are those who claim otherwise, but they’re lying.
Secondly, I’m in awe of your literary inhibitions as well. I’ve always been too kind to my characters, I think. Not wanting them to be flawed. That, of course, is a flaw. (Teach me your ways, Sir Brian!)
Thirdly (because rule of thirds) if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m up for reading whatever you give us. 🙂
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True enough, blogging IS self-indulgent to a degree. The folks who say they blog “just to record my thoughts” could easily do so without posting them on the internet…
If our characters sprinkle sunshine all the time, they lose integrity. We’re all flawed, and it’s easier for folks to identify with rough patches now and then instead of constant smooth sailing…
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More, more! I saw in the comments that there’s an ant arc, which I’m also looking forward to!
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I haven’t finished rereading the entire manuscript but, if memory serves, the ants have further cameos in the story. Stay tuned! 😉
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Excellent!
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