Monty: “You were working as a waitress at a cocktail bar, when I met you.”
Donna: “But even then I knew I’d find a much better place, either with or without you.”
Rewind, Take Two.
Donna: “Whatever you do, don’t go near the roasted pig.”
Monty: “So you’ve met my father?”
Rewind, Take Three.
Donna: “Darling, you know I don’t really care for you inviting all of your poker buddies over on a Friday night.”
Monty: “How is that different from you inviting all those tight-assed women over for your book club?”
Donna: “Because they don’t drink all the beer and leave the toilet seat up.”
Monty: “Oh, come on. Boys will be boys.”
Donna: “And divorce lawyers will be divorce lawyers. So if you don’t want to meet mine, I suggest you go to Plan B.”
Rewind, Take Four.
Donna: “Where have you been? We sacrificed the goat an hour ago.”
Rewind, Take Five.
Melania: “Have you been out grabbing things again?”
Trump: “I have never grabbed anything in my entire life.”
Melania: “But you smell like Stormy Daniels.”
Trump: “I did not have sex with that tramp. And I will fire anybody who can prove it.”
Melania: “Oh, please. We all know you’re not happy unless you’re screwing somebody.”
Rewind, Take Six.
Donna: “I’m sorry, that’s not the right password and I can’t let you in.”
Monty: “Password? There wasn’t a password last night.”
Donna: “Well, those dumbass American tariffs kicked in at midnight and you can no longer afford to drink here.”
Rewind, Take Seven.
Donna: “Do you want the red pill or the blue pill?”
Monty: “I want the pill where I’m not considered a failure if I don’t get the obscure movie references at Bonnywood Manor.”
Rewind, Take Eight.
Donna: “When I was a little girl, I dreamt that I would grow up and find a man just like you who would buy me nice things and make me very happy.”
Monty: “I had the same dream!”
Donna: “Did she look like me?”
Monty: “No, he looked like Ricardo Montalbán and he welcomed me to Fantasy Island. In more ways than one. I still get moist every time an Expedia ad pops up in my browser.”
Previously published, slight changes made, but no amount of editing will ever fully fumigate the current stench in the White House.
Donna: “I always thought Ricardo was kind of hot.”
Monty: “Girl, you have no idea.”
Donna: “So… are things bigger in the tropics?”
Monty: “Yep. Well, except for that little guy that kept running around and hollering about a plane.”
Categories: Past Imperfect