Jedediah, left: “Oh, good form with the jump. Excellent execution, I must say.”
Stephanie: “Why, thank you. I rather enjoyed it. Especially when the wind gusted up and I got a zing on my bing.”
Jedediah: “You got a who on your what?”
Stephanie: “Perhaps I should clarify by saying that I’m not wearing panties.”
Jedediah: “So the wind…”
Stephanie: “Came sweepin down my plain. It was lovely. You have to air the carpet out every once in a while or things get musty.”
Jedediah: “I see. Or perhaps I don’t. I’m a little confused. So, is that what you call your… womanliness? A bing?”
Stephanie: “Well, I call it a number of things, depending on my mood. Don’t you have names for your… manliness?”
Jedediah: “Oh, heavens no. I try not to call it anything.”
Stephanie: “That seems rather sad. Do you have issues with your dangly?”
Jedediah: “Of course I do. I was raised Southern Baptist. We don’t acknowledge any of our reproductive organs, never mind give them absurd pet names.”
Stephanie: “Interesting. This has been a rather revealing conversation.”
Jedediah: “I could say the same for you. I had no idea you ran about in such a wanton manner.”
Stephanie: “Oh, please. Like you’ve never left the house without your panties.”
Jedediah: “Certainly not! I wouldn’t dream of appearing in public without all my essentials properly swaddled and restricted.”
Stephanie: “Swaddled and restricted? Just what the hell do you do with your junk? No wonder it takes you longer to get dressed in the morning than it does me.”
Jedediah: “I sense that you are judging me for my religious beliefs. That’s not fair. Some of us restrict and some of us don’t.”
Stephanie: “I’m not judging, although I must admit it’s on the tip of my tongue. How can you be happy with a religion that negates your sexuality?”
Jedediah: “You don’t know. You weren’t there when I was raised in the church.”
Stephanie: “But I was there on our wedding night, Jed.”
Jed: “You promised not to bring that up, Steph.”
Steph: “It’s been two years since you didn’t bring it up, literally and figuratively. And you haven’t since, in either case.”
Jed: “Well, now you know why I always have a headache. I have trust issues.”
Steph: “You have trust issues? I’ve spent the last twenty-four months wondering if it was just me or if you have a hankering for the mailman.”
Marija, a lovely Croatian woman who happened to be walking by, rather slowly, so her gossipy instincts could be sated: “Hold up. You’ve never zinged her bing in two years? I vote for the mailman angle.”
Jed: “How does everyone in the world know about the bing except me?”
Steph, smiling politely at Marija: “Honey, thanks for the support, but I’ve got this. You can run home now and write a blog post all about it.”
Marija: “But what about your hoo hoo? My heart breaks at the dustiness of your tunnel of love.”
Steph: “No worries. I’m good. Especially since I figured out the mailman’s story last week. No more postage due, if you know what I mean. Run along, now.”
Marija ran, texting her friend Gladys Kravitz about the latest developments. (“Girl, you are not gonna believe this…”)
Jed: “I feel I should inquire about the posting from the postman. But I’m not sure I want to know.”
Steph: “You don’t. It was a minor dalliance and the zinging was merely mediocre. These things happen when couples are confused about coupling. More importantly, we need to rescue you from your southern baptism. First things first, go into that public restroom over there and take off your swaddling.”
Jed, hesitant: “Okay. But it might take a while. It’s an intricate process.”
Steph: “No matter. Just do it.”
Jed: “And then?”
Steph: “Then you are going to jump over this puddle and finally understand what it feels like to let your inhibitions go. We should all dangle the dingle whenever we can.”
Jed: “I’m a little bit scared.”
Steph: “We all are these days. Which is exactly why we should look to the future and not the past. Now go!”
Photo provided by the delightful Rivergirl.
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
Watch out for the leaping puddle beaver. 😉
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I have a t-shirt that says that. Okay, maybe that’s a lie, but it seems like I SHOULD have one…
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Mrs Kravitz😂😂😂
That really WAS quite a jump! Hmmm… I wonder if my foundation garments are what is causing gravity to suck so much around me?🤔 I have lots of Pixie Dust, but I still keep falling.☹
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This is just a suggestion, but perhaps you could explore the possibility that the CHALK dust is behind your tumbling mishaps. That mess gets everywhere, and the next thing you know the planets are out of alignment and somebody needs a butterfly bandage… 😉
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But the box says Non Toxic🤓 You’re right about it getting everywhere. We used to make him do his chalk thing strictly outside… it rained all spring, then it got hot… what the Hello Kitty?! HE tripped over the dang jail thing that’s STILL taking up space🙄🤦🏼♀️ I sure do miss that Glorious Little Yellow School Bus 🚍😢
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It’s always a treat to see where you’ll go with my submissions. It almost makes me wish I had a dingle to dangle…
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Well, a lot of times that dingle is not worth the dangling, so you aren’t really missing out on much. Still, I must profess profound gratitude for your photo suggestions, as they clearly seem to be tickling my fancy….
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You’re quite welcome.
Being a muse is very satisfying….
😉
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this is hilarious and made me spit out my coffee! i got in trouble once from a neighbor, for telling my daughters the real names of all body parts and they told her daughters…. mom marched over and yelled out, ‘at our house, we say ‘ta-ta’ and ‘tu-tu’, and now your kids have ruined it!
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Wait, did you live in Oklahoma at some point? Because nobody there EVER calls something by its proper name. It’s apparently some type of edict in the state constitution… 😉
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Oh geez, I love this photo.
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Thank Rivergirl. She’s got a keen eye for what trips my trigger. (Platonic triggering, of course.)
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Steph: “Then you are going to jump over this puddle and finally understand what it feels like to let your inhibitions go. We should all dangle the dingle whenever we can.”
The best bit of advice I”ve heard all week…
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Right? Freedom’s just another word for nothing being restricted on a gusty summer day…
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Didn’t Shelley Long do that move in the dusty archives film she made with Bette Midler? (such an odd pairing, but the 90s brought us much confusion…not as much as NOW granted, but it started it). In my opinion. Now where was I? OH YEAH. I felt strangely targeted (not by you, dear writer, you’d NEVER target anyone who didn’t richly deserve it) because I never knew how much in common Southern Baptists and Mormons have in common (I hear the inaudible gasps from both sides of that fence and am sure my member ship in the latter (day saints *snicker* ) is probably now under review.
And it explains why I have no desire to dingle my un-dangly or get a zing in my bing or whatever subliminal code words are used for the hoo hoo and the trouser snake…. I’m sure someone, somewhere is glad I don’t air the fish any longer too. And it’s just plain weird to do such in front of the pet (dog, cat, iguana or parakeet). Pet trauma ain’t no joke.
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This is why I’m always saying that the “powers that be” should just combine Utah and Oklahoma. The teachings and the philosophies are very similar, albeit with a few minor variances concerning founding doctrine and choice of couture at critical moments. Then again, no one ever listens to me, mainly because I took one look at said doctrine and thought “meh, I’ve seen better”. You buck the edicts and suddenly nobody knows your name in the bar, Shelley Long… 😉
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Gladys Kravitz???? I choked on my coffee!
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Good to hear! Wait, that sounds like I might be relishing your possible life endangerment, which I don’t, but at least I got a healthy response out of you, and that’s always good… 😉
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Such a wonderful capture…that decisive moment right Brian ~ joyful and fun … have a funny weekend ~ smiles hedy ☺️💫
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Thanks, Hedy. “Joyful and fun” are two very fine things to strive for… 😉
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always 🤗☺️🤓
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Look to the future — what a marvelous bit of advice. Something we all need right now. And my, but that lady can leap.
Note to self: wear more skirts.
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I was rather enamored of Stephanie’s personally-satisfying leap. If only we all had the ventilated skirts to do so…
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