Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #560

Ricardo: “I sense that you have something to say.”

Carole: “I always have something to say. But there are rare occasions when I have enough decorum about me to realize that I shouldn’t say something. This is why I’m not looking at you, so you won’t ask me to say anything. My subversive efforts have proven inadequate.”

Ricardo: “But why would you not feel free to discuss things with me? After all, we’ve slept together. One would think we could talk about anything at this point.”

Carole: “Interesting that you should mention ‘slept together’ after I just mentioned ‘proven inadequate’. Do you really want to push this issue?”

Ricardo: “But I thought you enjoyed it. I seem to remember you having an explosive orgasm.”

Carole: “Are you kidding? That wasn’t an orgasm. That was me trying to stifle my laughter. Where did you learn about lovemaking? In a petting zoo?”

Ricardo: “I’m feeling a bit emasculated at the moment.”

Carole: “And I felt it last night.”


Previously published in “Crusty Pie”, modified somewhat for this post. And extended a bit…


Ricardo: “Wait, if one rereads your last line, it appears that you at least felt something. We still have a chance, my darling.”

Carole: “It’s sweet that you might hope for such. But let me make it clear. I’ve been to the river and the river was dry. There’s no point in booking a return trip.”

Ricardo: “But I have an enormous trust fund. Surely that appeals in some way.”

Carole: “Enormous? Why do you keep setting yourself up for further zings? Look, I’m really not enjoying this, despite the questionable attempts of the writer to paint me as some sort of cold-hearted harlot.” [She glares at said writer, who suddenly becomes very interested in adjusting the ball on his mouse rather than acknowledging personal malfeasance with characterization.] “Let’s just call it done and move on.”

Ricardo: “But you’re the love of my life.”

Carole: “No, I’m the woman you met yesterday afternoon at Costco, whilst we were standing in line for a free sample of vegan meatballs.”

Ricardo: “It was a beautiful moment. I saved our DNA-drenched toothpicks and placed them in a special scrapbook.”

Carole: “I think you’re giving things a bit more luster than they deserve. We were simply two people who happened to be horny at the same time in a retail warehouse. Nothing more. Now, whilst I am appreciative of your scrapbooking efforts, it’s time for me to go.”

Ricardo: “If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me.”

Carole: “I can’t imagine what that might be, considering what I found behind Door Number Two. But can I give you a bit of advice?”

Ricardo: “Please do so, my toothpick temptress.”

Carole: “Stop watching Hallmark movies. Love is messy and it never follows a script.”


29 replies »

  1. Ricardo: “But I thought you enjoyed it. I seem to remember you having an explosive orgasm.”

    Carole: “Oh stop it Ed! You know very well what that was; after all you were the one that begged me to use the water balloons again the next time we played Costco. I went along with it when we played Brighton Baths, but this is getting ridiculous. And while I’m at it, I’m okay, for now, with you using the name Ricardo when we play Brighton Baths, but it just doesn’t do it for me when playing Costco. Now, it’s past time we got out of these ridiculous outfits so you can get ready for work. You know what your boss said would happen if you were late one more time! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a mob”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I like where you went with this. See, this is the very essence of Bonnywood: Take a random thought or photo and just run with it as far as you can, with just a sprinkle of underlying truth to keep it a tad bit grounded. Kudos!


  2. Ricardo: I feel so unsure ♪♫
    Carole aka Harlot-tina: Well guilty feet have got no rhythm..
    Ricardo: As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
    As the music dies
    Something in your eyes
    Calls to mind a silver screen
    And all its sad goodbyes ♪♫
    Carole H: Pain is all you’ll find and I I should have known better.. But I think finally you’re getting the point. Even though your ‘point’ leaves something to be desired…
    Ricardo: So I’m never gonna dance again
    The way I danced with you.. ♪♫♪
    Carole H: Didn’t you just sing something about goodbyes? Ours is long overdue. And the commentor who hi-jacked yet another of that writer who cast me as a cold hearted slut, comment is too long too. But I guess that’s just how the pencil sharpens…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love Chicago! (The band, not the city… well, the city is fine, but it could use a stronger brass section.)

    Side note: I’ve spent much time in Costco and never once felt horny. I feel like I’m missing something.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I also love Chicago. (The band, not the city, although said city does proffer exquisite cheesesteaks.) But my love only applies to the band in the 70s. I didn’t really care for it when Peter Cetera started insisting, in the 80s, that they mess with his vocals in the studio to the degree that he didn’t sound human. Maybe that’s just me.

      As for Costco, perhaps I should suggest that you spend more time in the deli section. They make a delightful cheesecake that titillates the senses…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I’m guessing that when you go to Costco you may be in too big a hurry – and far be it from me to blame me for that – but perhaps on your next expedition there you should try slowing down and then stop and smell the vegan meatballs. I’m not sure what they put in those things, but like sausage, we probably don’t want to know.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I whole-heartedly agree that I tend to rush things whilst in CostCo, snatching up what I need and then racing to the checkout lanes. Suffice it to say that our local warehouse is on the outskirts of Dallas, far from the madding crowd, and it attracts country folk who… how do I share this politely?… have never read a book in their entire lives. I don’t want to be near them for any length of time, no matter how fragrant the meatballs might be… 😉


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