The Journey

Friday Night Clam Bake – #32: An Ode to Unappreciated Intrusions and Unsatisfying Conclusions

“Dearest Friends,

Thank you for joining us as we present another night of cultural entertainment for our patrons. If the mere mention of anything cultural causes you to stiffen in apprehension, please note the various libation stations conveniently located along the perimeter of the campfire. You really shouldn’t be here if you don’t have a fondness for the arts, but since you’ve somehow managed to breach security and make it this far, you might as well enjoy yourself.

Due to the latest guidelines from the Trump-throttled Centers for Disease Control concerning proper behavior during this Age of Coronius, we’ve had to considerably reduce tonight’s official festivities. There will only be one brief performance, presented by the wildly-charming and mildly-sexy Hexom Breen, who will appear in the nude, as Hexom has been advised by his spiritual advisor, Salome di Salami, that clothing restricts the natural release of inner toxins. It is not our place to question personal belief structures.

However it is our place to question personal irresponsibility, and therefore I should advise that no photos should be taken of Hexom Breen in his natural state, no matter how eye-opening you may find his peen, and trust me, you will. The vote on the artist-selection committee was unanimous. What happens at Bonnywood stays at Bonnywood. Until someone reblogs the whole mess, and that’s an entirely different matter.

I should also point out another throttled guideline issued by the CDC, wherein it has been determined that speaking excessively in public contributes to the spread of the virus. As anyone with even a minimal sense of propriety already knows, excessive speaking in public has always contributed to the downfall of society, so let’s hope they keep that guideline in place, post-Corona, shall we? In any case, the oral aspect of Hexom’s presentation will be limited to exactly 184 words. Don’t be disappointed with the abbreviated foreplay of his tongue. Just enjoy the view and try to absorb the other elements of his performance art.

Hexom, are we ready?”

Hexom walks onto the rustic stage. Suffice it to say that part of him gets to the hemp-accented podium before the rest of him does. Several attendees in the front rows of the audience are suddenly very glad that they used their Bonnywood Frequent Clicker Miles to get better seats.

“Good evening. An honest artist will always try to recreate the truth and, in my case, the truth is that last night, after somehow escaping the coming madness for many, many months, I was finally forced to use the new Block Editor on WordPress.”

[The crowd gasps. Such horror!]

“Exactly. As such, I felt it my duty to capture the experience in a visual poem, ten carefully selected photos that express the outrage that has been unleashed on the long-time members of the WordPress community. Perhaps, in the future, this time capsule will inspire more benevolent blogging platforms to adopt this maxim: If it ain’t broke, don’t dick with it.” [Titters from the crowd because, drinking.] “Most of us just want to write our stories, because that’s what blogging is all about. We are not interested in making our blogs visually pleasing for the advertisers that many of us pay a premium to not have. If you can’t do the right thing for your members, I’ll go do the right thing somewhere else.”

[The crowd cheers. Mostly in honest support, but still, some degree of drinking, natch.]

Hexom smiled. “And with that, I present to you my visual poem reflecting my first experience with the wretched Block Editor. Enjoy.”

Hexom steps back.

The lights dim.

And the images begin to appear on the now-lowered screen made of recycled face masks…

31 replies »

  1. Yesterday I was looking at old post from last election. But it opened in new block editor and somehow published itself as new post. (The sad part was nothing had really changed since 4 years back so I just updated the year and I’m not sure anyone noticed. )

    Liked by 3 people

    • You’re not the first person who has mentioned that bit of wackiness with the new editor. It’s entirely possible that it’s merely the result of pilot error, but everything is in the wrong place and it’s understandable that we might click on the wrong thing. The interface is not user-friendly or intuitive, and after decades as a quality-control analyst, the one thing the developers should focus on is “intuitive”. They clearly did not…

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Great series of photos. I especially like the one of the gun boobs … maybe not. Actually, my favourite is the one from Thelma and Louise.

    And, the block editor. I don’t really have any trouble with it, but its visual blockiness is very annoying, for me anyway. The name says it all. Very uninspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I like “gun boobs”. Expect to see that mess pop up in a future post. Thank you for that.

      I suppose I’ll eventually get used to the new functionality, but I will still stick with the belief that WordPress is only forcing this on us to satisfy the advertisers with a more visual format. Sure, they have to make money, but I already pay them for THREE premium blogs. They’ve got my money. I want to be let alone…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think that’s how we all feel. I have yet to meet a single person who shouted Huzzah! when forced to switch.
    As to the photos, yes. You captured the mood perfectly, but please. Next time leave out that last photo of me leaving our local pub on Friday night. My exit wasn’t quite as dignified as I’d planned.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Actually, that last photo is my favorite, as it perfectly summarizes how I felt after (finally) cobbling together my first post in the new format. So, even though the image may have caused you painful flashbacks, it still speaks to me, especially since I know that position very well and it feels like home…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Good representation of the hatred of the block thing in your photos. I got caught two days ago, and can’t stand it. Takes twice as long to get anything done. I still can’t figure out getting a photo on, just hit or miss, and makes no sense. My flower photos turn out tiny for some reason. I’ve yet to try a music video . Ugh! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m still reeling from getting caught, as I had allowed myself to believe that I had somehow escaped the madness. Then bang, there it was, with the strange interface staring at me with mean-spirited eyes. EVERYTHING is now a chore, trying to figure out what to click on to make things happen that I WANT to happen. I haven’t tried doing a video either, but I suspect that I’m not going to be really happy about it…

      Liked by 1 person

      • The more I mess with it the more I remember what icon to push to get something done. Music video turned out fine, and photos are better. Still some stuff I have no idea about. Why WP has to change things up, I don’t know.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you, Mr Peen… errr… Breen for the inspiring visual. The pictures were cool too.

    I have been using the editor since way back when it was just a Sword Of Damocles.🤷🏼‍♀️ I do everything from my outdated Samsung phone, but it gets done. I don’t hate or love Blocky McBlockster. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am in awe of anyone who can compile a blog post on their phone. It’s just not something I have ever been able to master, even before Blocky McBlockster. I like all the buttons to be right where I expect them to be, and I want them to do what I expect them to do. This new mess? Well, it’s a good thing that my doctor keeps my medication prescriptions up to date… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Wholly FOK! (aka holy f*ck. Yeah. I ‘cuss’ in abbrevs these days. Who knows when my clergy will show up at the door, and screaming “F**K!!” in a loud voice begets things like un-requested interventions and a lot of praying by people I don’t even know. Prayers appreciated. Interventions…eh, not so much). Okay then. FOK! Your koff koff koff HEXOM’s koff koff third photo was spot on and was an accurate reflection of my own reaction when that ridiculous editor was foisted upon me (like the unwanted intervention mentioned not to briefly above). Bette had it down. That unfortunate who fell on her face, ass up, out of the car, surrounded by her apparently really good friends “Jim Beam”, “Johnny Walker”, “Old Crow”, “Basil Hayden’s” (a Brit Whiskey I think), “Ezra Brooks” and “Old Grandad” (plus a Blue Nun for variety); at least had the sense to HIDE her face. Perhaps in the vain hope that the WP drone police (we are here to STAY and you WILL assimilate. Resistance is FUTILE!) couldn’t ‘see’ her (girlfriend, you’re almost showing your real ass and hootchy coo, of COURSE everyone sees you!!) and wouldn’t force her into Sieg Heil mode. (abject apologies to any German folk who might take exception to that last spurt of verbage). I think getting drunk and screaming in horror like ol’ Bette there are excellent ways to stave off the ‘bends’ from being forced to use the dreaded and useless Block Editor (what dim wit dreamt that up? They should be publicly flogged and become the target of rotten vegetable missiles being launched their way. Maybe tar and feathers and the obsequious rail are better alternatives. The person ought to be killed in some painful manner is the point). I’ve adapted, but I REFUSE to assimilate. And if all the interesting bloggers that make WordPress a place I visit frequently; leave because they too refuse to assimilate, well FUCK WORDPRESS and it’s block editor. *phew* I do feel loads better. Thanks Hexom, and especially? Thanks for the visual. I love being special and right down front, the better to see YOU, my dear. Hehehheeh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Holy cow, now THAT is a completely-validated diatribe. I’ve always been a fan of yours, but this run has been especially zingy and I’m actually feeling somewhat aroused. (I’ll just stop there with that angle, as we really shouldn’t excavate anything that we shouldn’t.)

      I fail to understand why the WordPress gods (who are presumably all in their 20s and can’t comprehend the concept of thinking about anyone other than themselves) are allowed to run wild with their blatant indiscretions and self-absorbency. None of these changes are beneficial to the WRITERS who have made WordPress what it is. This blatant capitulation to the soulless advertisers who are demanding better presentation of their unwanted ads is ridiculous.

      I really would leave WordPress if there was another viable option out there. But the truth is that there isn’t. We no longer live in a society where the consumer is the driver. It’s all Big Business, all the time. No wonder so many people are so angry about everything. The suckage is overwhelming…

      Like

      • You said it best. “The suckage is overwhelming.” Two seasoned bloggers of long standing (Fandango and Marilyn of Serendipity) have given notice that they’re on the active prowl for a better site. Nothing yet, but if someone can find one, those two can. I hold to a vain hope for some resolution…there’s been some unverified talk that WP is thinking of changing back to ‘the old way’ because of the fall out from their hasty and ill planned decision. I guess we’ll see. As long as we keep on, keepin’ on.

        I have to wonder if WP (another pithy blogger, Evil Squirrel, fashioned some crude yet appropriate tags for those ‘crappiness engineers’ at T*rdpress (bwahahah…I had to laugh aloud at that combination). The creative sparks continue to fly..

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve not heard anyone in favor of the new editor either… at least, not anyone employed by WP. You summed my feelings well. And normally, I’m not opposed to changing something just for the heck of it, just to see if it can be improved. After all, that’s how progress works. But in this case, it’s just annoying as hell.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Things are SO different now. There was a time, no so long ago, when any reputable business would be horrified to learn that their customers were not pleased with a company decision, and they would scramble to right the ship. That’s no longer the case, and it’s not a good thing…

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I think your visual poem regarding the block editor is nicely understated. Still humanity managed to survive the Black Death and will muddle through this somehow.

    And don’t let it get out that Hexom Breen is really just my stage name. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ll have to fight you for the rights to the “Hexom Breen” stage name. I’ve been using that moniker for well on a decade now.

      Unless your Breen peen is bigger than mine. I know when to hold em and when to fold em… 😉

      Like

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