Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #428

Dean Stockwell, left: “Dad, what’s up with that huge book on your desk?”

Ralph Richardson, center: “It doesn’t matter. What’s important is that I give this bottle of hooch to your brother.”

Jason Robards, right: “Thanks, Dad! You’re pretty swell, even if your existence torments me.”

Dean: “But Dad, Jason is an alcoholic. The last thing you should be giving him is high-octane lubrication.”

Ralph: “Don’t sass me, young man. This is a Eugene O’Neill play. There’s always at least one alcoholic, there are always family members who are enablers for the alcoholic, and there’s always a morphine addict who enables herself. Speaking of, where’s your mother?”

Dean: “I have no idea. She’s probably up on the roof again and trying to fly. But you’re avoiding the issue. Don’t give the hooch to Jason.”

Jason: “You need to stand down, little brother. I’m the first born and I get the first crack at everything. That’s how we do it in the South. If you didn’t come out of the vagina first, you get second billing for the rest of your life.”

Katharine Hepburn, coming down the stairs: “Is somebody talking about my cooter?”

Dean: “Well, I guess she didn’t get flight clearance.”

Ralph: “Damn it, she’s gonna make a fuss about the hooch. Jason, shove this bottle in the big book. It’s hollow inside.”

Jason: “I already know that, Dad. How do you think I became an alcoholic? I was just trying to look up the word ‘dysfunctional’ in what I thought was a dictionary and out popped a bottle of bourbon. I took it as a sign from Jesus and started swigging.”

Katharine, clattering closer to the room: “So now it’s cooter and Jesus? I can’t wait to join in this conversation.”

Dean: “Thank God I will eventually star in a series called ‘Quantum Leap’ so I can come back and erase everything that is happening right now.”


Previously published. No changes made, other than a last-second decision to add the surnames of the actors in this scene just to make this more surreal than it already is…


25 replies »

    • Dean Stockwell was and is a terrific actor. (To be fair, the “Quantum Leap” phase did not show off his best side.)

      And Kate? Well, she was a marvel. And I’m sure she would have chattered away about cooter if the censors would have allowed…


    • It WAS a great show, despite the super hokey special effects when Dean would travel in time. We have all the seasons on DVD, and methinks it might be time to visit them again…

      No need to apologize for your distractions. There are times when I forget what I’m doing and

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Once again my fountain o’ spoutin’ has run dry. Clever dude, very clever. I will say though that the idea of Katherine Hepburn stoned out of her mind boggles my own mind. O_o (no criticism implied mind you, as I said VERY CLEVER!) ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    • I faithfully acknowledge your “very clever”. You know you can say whatever you want her and I’ll be right as rain. As for Katharine and her stoning, well, things happen. I’m not one to judge, says I, with tongue firmly in cheek…


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