Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #396

Well, since we’re just mere days away, I thought I should drag out a few Halloween posts…

Carole first realized that perhaps she had gotten off at the wrong subway stop when that whiny little girl from The Exorcist began waving about an inverted crucifix. She braced herself accordingly.

Whiny Girl: “You dare to enter my lair? I will evictorate you!”

Carole: “Oh my God! No! I have a family at home and… wait a minute. What did you just say?”

Whiny Girl: “I will evictorate you!”

Carole: “I’m sorry, that’s not even a word, and I can’t allow these proceedings to continue.”

Whiny Girl: “How dare you challenge me? I’ve been possessed by demons. You’ve been possessed by a poor sense of fashion. I think I win.”

Carole: “You don’t understand. I’m an English teacher. I simply cannot die in a scene that involves bad spelling.”

Whiny Girl: “Oh. Well, I was never very good in school, which is probably how the succubus invaded my personal space. Perhaps you could help me out?”

Carole: “I would think that the word you’re ineptly trying to pronounce is eviscerate. It seems appropriate, given the plot thus far. But as I’ve never been possessed by a demon, I’m not clear on your character development. What is it, exactly, that you wish to do to me?”

Whiny Girl: “I want to suck out your soul and destroy everything decent in the world.”

Carole: “That seems a bit harsh, but we all have different callings. I believe the word you’re looking for is trump. You want to trump me.”

Whiny Girl: “Trump? That word doesn’t sound very scary to me.”

Carole: “It didn’t scare anybody until he got elected. Now, can we wrap things up here? I’m late for a slam-poetry reading at the Taco Bell in Newark.”


Previously published, multiple times. Dramatically modified over the various postings, going from a single line to what we now have. That’s just how it goes at Bonnywood, where you might think you’ve seen it before but you really haven’t, and double-dipping is never a crime…


27 replies »

    • I think you’re being too kind in saying that Don resided anywhere. He is not of this Earth, perpetually floating in the stratosphere, thrust there due to propulsion of the hot and vapid air continually shooting out of his ass.

      I don’t even know where I was going with this comment… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Maybe you were paraphrasing a Bowie lyric; ‘Asses to ashes, we know Major Don’s a dumb ass…’ Let’s hope whatever is up his ass ignites his methane reserves and he crashes and burns.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I love it❤️ I don’t think the game of Trump will even be played again. I know I want to take the word Trump out of the English language forever.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I like the word evictorate. I think that’s what is going to happen to Fat Donnie and his Wee Thing. He will be evicted through expectoration, and that will be an especially appropriate thing … a Trump Thump as all those vomit chunks hit the road, literally.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Carole smiled to herself. These young creatures were easy to indoctrinate. Even if they couldn’t spell nor know decent grammar, even if it jumped up and bit their acne riddled noses… The Whiny One mewled in fear as she saw what was under the Carole mask, but it was too late. A short while later, the Orange Skinned Faux Carole burped gently and slunk off towards Washington D.C. to win. It did not know that a new day was dawning and its reign of terror was about over. And, being the nasty creature that it was, it didn’t really care either.

    Liked by 1 person

    • And with this comment, whether intended or not, you have admirably captured the current state of American politics. Say, maybe you should run for office. I’d certainly support your campaign. Unless you expect me to actually do something that will change the status quo. Because, apparently, changing that status is not something that is going to happen in our lifetime.

      Wow, that sounds bitter of me. Perhaps I shouldn’t have eaten so much pasta at dinner. I couldn’t help myself. The alfredo sauce just spoke to me… 😉


  4. I wonder what the chances are the word “trump” will return to its former benign state? My guess is not for a very long time, based on the fact my phone autocorrected to a capital t and it took three attempts to bring it to a more humble level.
    How many attempts it will take to humble the person is too terrifying to consider.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The word has been sullied, and it will take a while to wash things clean. (Although I do find it satisfying that, in England, a “trump” means a certain personal release. Poetic justice?)

      My phone does the same thing and, due to my wandering focus, I have sent off texts where that unnoticed capitalized “T” has led to some eye-opening correspondence. (We play Spades all the time with some of our friends, and the terminology of the game is reflected in our texts, as in “I trump that decision to go to Mario’s for drinks. Let’s go to Ojeda’s.”)

      Trump, the man and not the toot, will never be humbled. But, in a rare moment of not necessarily defending him but understanding how he is what he is, I will say that he is surrounded by people who praise and worship him endlessly. It’s warped him, more so than he already was. But it’s also disconnected him from reality. He does not have a clue that most of the nation passes gas when they see him on TV…

      Liked by 1 person

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