Humor

Diminutive Diversions from a Daunting Distraction

As the extended and exasperating election drama plays out in America (yes, I’m taking my anxiety medication, no worries there), I thought I’d drag a few of the tinier Past Imperfects out of the archives. Some of these are not exactly stellar in composition, but hopefully you’ll get a chuckle or two. Enjoy.

 

Past Imperfect – #3

Gertrude was a bit peeved to learn that her thigh exposure was considered more of a disgrace than the stupid bathing bonnet that her sister had slapped together using fruit salad and some glue…

 

Past Imperfect – #11

It was at this precise moment when Gary Cooper realized that he might be the tallest person on the planet. He began to plan accordingly…

 

Past Imperfect – #16

When Prudence returned home from her first year at Miss Prim’s Finishing School, her parents were not surprised that she had a letter from the headmistress explaining that Prudence would not be joining them for a second year…

 

Past Imperfect – #24

Trudy had mixed emotions about being the richest woman in Roswell, New Mexico. Yes, it was rather festive having your own Ferris wheel in the backyard, but the constant alien-landings on the grand staircase were getting a bit tiresome…

 

Past Imperfect – #25

The members of the Alpha Delta Uvula sorority swore eternal devotion, promising to always support one another and never do anything two-faced or unkind.  Then an available bachelor wandered onto their patio and they were sisters no more…

 

Past Imperfect – #40

Margaret had always been an unruly child, clamoring for attention. But when she returned from her year abroad in bohemian Paris, the annoyance factor escalated…

 

Cheers.

 

Note: All snippets previously published. No changes made, as I keep getting alerts on my phone from CNN that something or other has shifted in the presidential race. And of course I check it out, because I care about the future of the world. For those of you yearning for resolution in the “Casserole” saga, I promise that such will happen. Soon.

 

21 replies »

  1. I care too, but refuse to gather information until there is information to be gathered. I don’t do speculation…( well, I do, but only the gossipy kind😉)
    I fear we will be doing the 2020 version of “hanging chads” for weeks to come. I don’t have the stamina to worry like I used to. No matter who is declared “winner”, America has lost. We lost our kindness and courtesy. We lost our charity and a big chunk of our compassion.

    I’m planting seeds of hope. I’m giving them lots of laughter to help them grow. And I’m sharing love. It’s what the world needs

    Liked by 3 people

    • I tried to avoid the news for roughly three minutes, but then I was immediately sucked into the mess. I can’t help it, as I’m a political junkie from way back. (Can you tell from my posts? Maybe a couple of them? No?) But I do agree that America is in the midst of a moral battle, and even if decency eventually prevails, it will take a long time to tend to all the wounded. I just cannot grasp how some people can be so cruel and vicious. I’ve had a very hard life, and you have as well, and if WE can still see the light, then everyone else who refuses to do so is just lazy and self-involved.

      Let’s keep planting and not look back…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sending you as much sanity as I can spare. Watching from this side of the pond, and man, it is exhausting.

    On a positive note, I wandered over to your site (avoiding WP) and found the links to some very entertaining books. They made me laugh and hoot aloud. Now part of my “must read every year” rota of books. Also added Bonnywood to my FB feed – so much better than watching the other drama between so-called family and friends. Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • So it was YOU who bought those two books, eh? I very rarely sell any of them, so I was especially pleased to see the 2-book spike on my otherwise forlorn Amazon sales chart. Thank you so much for doing so, and I truly mean that. (I can’t even get members of my own family to buy those dusty digital tomes.) You just made my day.

      Now, on an administrative note, I can’t seem to find you on Facebook. Would you mind sending me a friend request? I fully understand if you’d rather not…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The farce goes on and Don- (scuse me, I’m recycling that one too.) I kept that damned tv off all day even though my myriad of tiny voices kept saying ‘tune in and see.’ Ok, let’s try for a touch of levity in very trying times.
    #3 Forget Gertie’s flashy knees, why is Sis sitting on a half submerged beachgoer? #11 Small things amuse tall minds? #16 Prudence invents the teenage rebellious sneer. #24 Trudy needs to lay off that Los Alamos LSD- really truly mind blowing stuff, Trudes. #25 Cloche friends? #40 Little Maggie, to self; ‘Gad, that Gary Cooper has a huge booger up his big snooty nose.’

    Liked by 1 person

    • #3 – That half-submerged beachgoer is how I feel as a liberal in Texas. I know her pain…

      #11 – Your response sounds sexual in nature. Forgive me if this seems like an intrusion.

      #16 – Imagine the damage Prudence could do with that sneer if she had an Instagram account, back then.

      #24 – Trudes: “LSD is the only thing that keeps me sane with all this never-ending blowing sand.”

      #25 – Musk-hat Love?

      #40 – Warning: Falling Rocks Up Ahead

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m getting my alerts from NY Times. It seems they and CNN are being the most cautious with their predictions, which is wise. I’m unnerved by how close things are, but I guess that shouldn’t have surprised us.
    Thank you for the diversions. They were greatly needed. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, several news organizations are playing it safe and admirably not calling things too quickly. Big surprise? FOX NEWS, bastion of Trump Lovin’, was the first to call Arizona in Trump’s favor, which sent him into yet another ranting tizzy.

      I’m officially no longer going to be surprised by anything, ever. I’ll keep you posted on how long this defensive mechanism lasts…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, AZ did me proud. But as for FOX, a podcast I listen to said the ones who do their polling aren’t actual FOX employees, they’re contracted. And the guy in charge is a real math nerd – he could care less about partisanship.
        P.S. Did you notice AZ selected democrats for BOTH their senate seats?! That hasn’t happened in over 60 years!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I didn’t watch, I won’t pay attention until December. Theoretically the shouting and who’s got the bigger d*ck contest will be over and there’ll be an actual ANSWER. There ain’t enough Xanax on the planet to calm my nerves, so I chose burying my head in the sand instead. It’s really safer that way….

    Liked by 1 person

    • I truly WANT to join you in the sand, seriously, but, despite my heavy medication and general desire to avoid conflict, I’m right there on the Internet, refreshing, refreshing, refreshing. I don’t know why I do this to myself, but I do…

      Like

    • Prudence is my kind of girl as well. She knows where all the best bars and quickest escape routes are located…

      And half of the country is relieved. The other (but thankfully smaller) half? They are in a frenzy of delusion that the election was stolen. That mess will drag out for a while until something else orange and shiny catches their eye…

      Like

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