Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #50

Charlie was surprised when the Immigration Officer informed him that he wasn’t allowed to bring that many mistresses into the country.

The Immigration Officer was surprised that Charlie had tried to claim on his declarations form that the mistresses were “work-related purchases”.

Most of the mistresses were surprised to find that there were, indeed, other mistresses, and not production assistants as they had been told. Bickering ensued.

The older mistress in front was surprised to learn that the people in her new country did not have as great a respect for eyeliner as the folks in her homeland, as evidenced by the shockingly-bare eyes of the recalcitrant Immigration Officer. She began muttering curses that did not sound exceptionally pleasant.

The even-older mistress behind Carmen Eye-lean was thrilled that she was still considered a mistress and this brought her great joy, even though one could not easily discern this moment of personal rapture based on her sour expression.

The caterpillar on Charlie’s upper lip was surprised to find that he was no longer chewing on a tasty leaf in a Bavarian forest, but, after a brief moment of reflection, he continued to chew.

The man to the right of Charlie was surprised to learn that the mistress directly behind Charlie was named Boris and was the proud owner of an Adam’s apple. He began muttering curses that did not sound exceptionally tolerant.

Boris was surprised when he spied a Pride Parade at a nearby intersection, but the discovery inspired him to take a stand. He opened his mouth and began an impromptu but heartfelt declaration of his true feelings, demanding that Charlie relinquish the rest of his harem, even the Sour-Faced biddy who could whip up a mean stroganoff that they all loved dearly.

The bare-eyed Immigration Officer discreetly signaled to his partner that now would be an excellent time to push the special button that would bring reinforcements running. Run they did, and Charlie and the Mistress Factory were quickly escorted to a nearby warehouse for further questioning, cursing, muttering, surprising, chewing and rounds of endless paperwork. (Welcome to the bureaucracy of America! Have you paid your taxes yet?)

All in all, it was not a good day for Charlie…


Previously published, modified lightly for this post. I was surprised to find this one in the archives because, frankly, I don’t remember writing it. (Welcome to the joys of getting old! Have you forgotten your own name yet?) And yes, that’s Charlie Chaplin, famous for his movies and infamous for his infidelities…

26 replies »

  1. Immigration is always getting involved in people’s business. There was a case, and I am not going to name names, of an immigration officer cancelling the visa of a woman because she smugly announced she had an American fiancé. Then she was banned for applying for a new one for a couple of years. The story was repeated ad nauseam until the people hearing the story had their eardrums burst from sheer exhaustion.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, I wasn’t going in that direction with my twisted message, but now that you bring it up, Immigration IS a mess, especially in America. Melania Trump’s parents can get whisked into the country on an express pass but folks seeking valid political asylum are turned away…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I want to know about the mistress wearing the bandana on her head behind Charlie and #1 and #2… why is she trying to hide? What is she looking at? Is she perhaps with Eyebrows, planning to run off to the parade?? Enquiring minds want to know.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So Charlie (sans any chocolate factories…different story altogether) was the one responsible for the Great Eye-liner Shortage of ’02! Aha! No wonder the old biddy was sour faced, the more tempting morsel to Charlie’s right (left?) looked well pleased, leaving me to wonder where he had his hand; and her mother ? Auntie? Grandmother? of the white hair next to Contestant #1 – she of the pleasant visage, merely looked tired and a little disillusioned.. As to the frolicking and semi-celebratory air of the rest of the crowd? It’s the same across the years, when immigrants land here and don’t yet realize that America does not have streets paved with gold, there is no milk and honey flowing freely (emphasis on FREE – everything costs something), and that the citizens of their promised land are exactly the same as the citizens they left behind. Chock full o’ nuts..

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think you’ve uncovered enough material for a sequel to this story. And what’s up with those strange little tags that some of them are sporting? There’s clearly much more going on here than I first realized…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Charlie looks like he swallowed something sour. Could it be that the soon-to-be-departed Orange Lump has placed a ban on his entry? The reason? He’s jealous of all those mistresses. Especially the one on the back right. She looks like Melania before the plastic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, good eye on the Melania sighting. I always thought she was a bit older than the number she used on her marriage prenup. The prenup I fully expect her to challenge once the Trumps are out of The Orange House and she initiates divorce proceedings…

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Okay, sure, the man had infidelities, but he also wrote one of my all-time favorite tunes that I often hum and will likely request to have played at my funeral. As a matter of fact, I’m so hoping you’ll show up with your recorder and play it. Should I send you the sheet music? There’ll be a luncheon afterward, with stroganoff and Bavarian Cream pie.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This rings a faint bell, so we may have discussed this before, but are you talking about “Smile”? If so, did you know Chaplin was supposedly inspired by Puccini’s “Tosca” when he composed the music? (The lyrics were added later and not written by Charlie.)

      If you are not referring to “Smile”, please ignore the above paragraph.

      And I will essentially do anything for a good Bavarian Cream Pie, so pencil me in…

      Liked by 1 person

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