Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #234

8 Points of Consideration whilst reviewing this 1948 publicity still of Jane Greer:

1. What’s the oddly-placed tassel all about, dangling amidst her searchlights? Does she inflate when you pull it? Do you get a refund if she doesn’t? (The Tassel: “I really should have paid more attention in high school. I had such dreams. This isn’t one of them.”)

 2. Why is she waving the sunglasses around instead of wearing them? Did no one explain to her how they worked? (Kim Kardashian: “Wait, I can promote a product without actually using it? Sign me up!”)

3. What is the symbolism of the tiger fish swimming through flames on the garment barely covering her crotch? (The Garment: “There are days when it’s really hard to love the one you’re with.” The Crotch: “Sometimes I feel like you really don’t respect me.” The Garment: “Sometimes?”)

4. Why are her legs crossed? This is Hollywood, right? (Joan Crawford: “I’m offended by the notion that some starlets only succeed because they surrender the pink.” Bette Davis: “Sounds too much like an autobiography for you, does it?” Joan: “At least I have a pink. Word on the street is that your conjunction hasn’t functioned since 1932.”)

5. Who would wear those clunky-ass shoes in 1948? Those won’t be in style for another three decades. (Ludmilla Parsikov, fashion historian, circa 1978: “There’s something socially freeing about hemp-based footwear these days.” Willie Nelson: “Look, even I’M ashamed of what happened with couture in the 70s, and I don’t remember most of that decade. Blow it out your ass, Ludmilla. But pass the dutchie before you wander off into obscurity.”)

6. Who built that crappy chimney? Somebody who doesn’t own a level? It surely can’t be up to code. (The Chimney: “I’m so ashamed of my performance.” Doctor Ruth: “We all be messy and human and want love and pleasure. Free your desire! But use condom. Love mean no saying sorry in morning. Serve nice strudel instead!”)

7. What is she looking at? The admirable career she might have had if she hadn’t decided to do cheesecake in the skies? (The Skies: “Don’t blame any of this on me.” The Cheesecake: “Ditto. I just want to be drenched in liquid fruit.” The Joan Crawford: “Me too!”)

8. What the hell is she doing on the roof? Did she not approve of the hors d’oeuvres being served at the dinner party down below? (Jane: “I don’t do shellfish.” Hedda Hopper: “Oh, so there’s actually something that you don’t do? How fun!”)


Previously published on Crusty Pie, shared for the first time here, albeit with some serious reconfigurations. This is yet another (misguided? warped?) installment in my effort to get all of the Crusty Pie slices transferred over to Bonnywood…


33 replies »

  1. Have I told you how much I adore your ability to endlessly riff? ( riff – a rapid energetic often improvised verbal outpouring ) Keep pouring it out, verbally and otherwise. Cheers!
    P.S. searchlights. 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    • Have I told you how much my partner does NOT adores my ability to endlessly riff? (“Enough, already. You have them laughing. Just, stop.”) But I can’t help it. Maybe there was lead paint in my house when I was growing up? Who knows… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Is she holding a sammich or something with the sunglasses?
    I’d say she’s a “hot mess”, but she appears to be rather chilled… or happy to see someone😉

    I always love when Joan and Bette join the conversation.

    On a completely unrelated note, did you enjoy the anniversary of your entrance to the world?🤗🥰

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure about the sammich angle, but I think it’s fair to say that Jane IS a hot mess. Of course, the same phrase could be applied to just about any stage in my life, so I really shouldn’t judge. (Not that it’s going to stop me.)

      Joan and Bette will always have a seat at the Bonnywood table.

      The Anniversary of My Entrance proved to be rather low key. And I was perfectly fine with that… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jane (whom I admit I never ever heard of until today. My education is lacking apparently ((or not)) ): Can’t a girl get ANY privacy? I snuck up here to light up (use the smokable product of your own choice. I know what I think she was sneaking to smoke. Her footwear, obviously..) and now the paparazzi have sussed out my hiding place. Oh the humanity! It’s hot, well hell they’re SPANISH tiles, and so that explains my lack of good couture choices. I’ve explained the shoes. The sunglasses? I twirl those because if I actually USE them, nobody at all is going to remember me. *sigh* It’s not easy being easy…”

    Liked by 1 person

    • I feel that this is a mighty fine analysis of the goings on. Clearly, herbage was a major factor when it comes to the costume and the setting and the lighting and the mere fact that any of this was considered appropriate. Then again, it’s Hollywood. Creative types are always pushing the bar in a desperate attempt to prove relevant in some way. After all, that’s the keystone in the founding of Bonnywood Manor… 😉


  4. These are good questions. And now, some answers that no one has been waiting for: 1. Tassels occur at the end of honour cords, ergo, these are honourable searchlights.
    2. Don’t you see all those clouds in the background? She doesn’t need sunglasses.
    3. Women can go fishing too! You don’t have to have a rod – just a picture covering up your whatever. Don’t be a prude.
    4. She has to go pee! And there’s no bathroom up there.
    5. Some homeless dude threw them up to her so that she could climb down to go to the bathroom.
    6. The homeless dude. He got sacked for crappy work, and now he’s living on the streets. Don’t be so critical.
    7. She’s thinking about how great it will be when she gets to go to the bathroom.
    8. Her little apartment doesn’t have a view.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Actually, these are the answers I was waiting for, even if I didn’t realize it. You have escalated my feeble attempt at jocularity to an entirely different level. I must thank you, profusely.

      And your last response, “Her little apartment doesn’t have a view”? I could run in so many ways with those words that I’m all atwitter and confused about my next step. Sublime, my friend. Sublime.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hahaha. #2 and #8 are especially true. Agree with Lynette. What is she doing with sunglasses when the sky is rather cloudy, isn’t it? Also the roof and chimney look rather unreal. I somehow feel it’s just some tilted tiles on the floor and a fake brick wallpaper plastered on … a supporting column probably.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I was also confused bout the tassel, Brian. What an odd fashion choice. But more so… why is she standing on a roof??? Even if it was a real roof, what’s she doing up there? It makes no sense at all. I have to wonder what Hollywood was thinking.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. She’s ahead of the game! See the clouds? It’s going to rain and she is seeking safety on the roof ahead of the deluge.

    Her shoes? She accidentally grabbed the wrong pair while wearing her sunglasses in the house — had intended on swimming flippers.

    Sunglasses in hand? She’s preparing to angrily toss them off the roof for the flippers’ mistake.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now see, your insightful interpretation of what may or may not have happened has given me pause. Perhaps there is a deeper story here, one filled with personal tragedy and couture malfunctions. I may have to revise this bit extensively before I inevitably repost it in the future… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. The clouds are out
    As the actress pouts
    “But Mistah Directah
    I just can’t see
    it’s dark and cold
    And I’ve been told
    My myopic eyes
    Can’t see but a foot
    In front of me!”
    Those cue cards held
    By that feller over there
    Are for a commercial
    For women’s scented
    So these little fish
    Don’t make a good dish
    And something must Really stink
    And ya know in fact I hear
    You might just be pink!
    So get me down off
    Of this roof top
    Before I call our panty
    Wearing FBI big cop!
    By the way those ain’t
    Tears you see in my eyes
    But I’m crying from laughing
    At this stupid disguise
    See sunglasses look stupid
    Under stormy skies
    And why take a tan on a house top
    When it’s just up my skoit
    You want the askew shot!
    But thanks for my big
    If not silly career launch
    And no I won’t give you
    A handy after lunch.


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