Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #410

Another one from the archives which now has a more prescient tone. Funny how old blog posts can work that way…

Tony, left: “After this shoot, I’m never complaining again about how long it takes any of my wives to get ready for dinner at Andre’s.”

Jack, right: “Yes, I suppose this has been a revelation for you. As for me, however, I have always been in touch with my feminine side. I feel their pain, I commiserate with their misery, and I stand in solidarity.”

Tony: “Oh, please. That’s a dumbass thing to say. You don’t have a vagina, Jack. I think that pretty much ends your inclusion in the Estrogen Pride Parade.”

Jack: “Well, for starters, I don’t think you understand most of those words you just used. And secondly, I have won two Oscars whilst you have won… hmmm, let me think… none! So it’s obvious that I have done far more research into the human soul than you ever considered doing.”

Tony: “So that’s where you’re going? An awards tally? As if we both don’t know that awards are based on who kisses whose ass the most. Just like presidential elections.”

Katharine Hepburn, in the far left background but no longer satisfied with her lower billing: “Excuse me. I have a few thoughts to share.”

Tony: “Aw, hell. Here comes the Queen of Nominations.”

Jack: “Well, she’s only that until Meryl Streep shows up and-”

Katharine: “Do not speak her name or I will cut somebody. Now, let me make something perfectly clear. I never kissed anybody’s ass, unless his name was Spencer, and I got where I am not because of estrogen or favoritism or gymnastic abilities on the casting couch. I’m on top because I worked my un-kissed ass off to get here. Any further questions?”

Tony: “None from me. It’s clear that I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to the fairer sex because I will eventually have six wives. And we all know where that got a certain king of England when it comes to the history books.”

Jack, slightly salivating: “I just have to say that you are the greatest and there will never be anyone like you, overcoming incredible odds to get where you are.”

Katharine: “Oh, please. We females are stronger than you think. Just wait until you see a woman in the White House. Or a million women marching in the streets of our nation’s capital whilst wearing pink pussyhats on their heads”

Tony: “I don’t even know how to respond to that last line of dialogue.”

Katharine: “Well, there are a lot of men who are stunned when women actually speak their minds, but they’ll just have to get used to it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find my hat or I’m going to be late for the progress.”


Previously published, mildly modified.


28 replies »

  1. Now I’m uncertain what a pink pussy hat even is (and the visual in my mind? Unseemly.) But Ms. Katharine would indeed have rocked one. Worn it with style and aplomb, and grace. I agree with her though. Don’t mention that Streep woman who is a total … well I don’t care for her and think she’s the exact opposite of Ms. Katharine in all things that are relevant. Style tip for Tony up there. Don’t go sleeveless and with a plunging decollete unless you’ve had a serious session with the razor and depilatory cream team. I understand that a full ‘coat’ is acceptable in many cultures, but it isn’t in the Western Hemisphere, and that look, girl? Well all I’ll say is don’t play hard to get…

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m surprised that you don’t know about the hat. (Maybe it wasn’t a Utah thing?) But it was certainly thrilling to see a million of them marching peacefully through the streets of Washington, DC, especially since the march happened the day AFTER Trump’s inauguration, a miserable event where only 17 people showed up or whatever the low figure was.

      Tony DID get a few things wrong, but kudos to him and Jack for doing it in the first place. Too many men even today would never dare do such, even if it was for comedy, but back then it was even bolder…


      • I totally loved that movie (still watch it when it appears at the turnstile of ‘free movies they think I’ll like”. I thought Jack Lemmon (R.I.P) did a really amazing job, and Tony was brave to get up in drag in those far off days. I think the TV stations probably censored that march of the pink hats. Most of the media around here (I’m not deigning to call it news because it’s so slanted to the right), are still stuck in 1850 I think… O_o

        Liked by 1 person

    • I’m going to guess the smoke is from the train, but I wasn’t there so I’m not signing anything. Maybe it was a young Tommy Chong?

      Ms. Streep is quite talented, and she and Ms. Hepburn do have a lot of similar qualities, come to think of it…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Is that “Some Like It Hot”? At least according to my google search. The plot line seems fun, reminding me of an Asian drama I watched long ago–a cross dressed woman being chased by both assassins and the daughter of the King, for different reasons of course. Is there really a feud between Katharine Hepburn and Meryl Streep? That will be interesting. I like celebrity feud. Hahaha. Probably they cooperated in one movie. Goodness, I start to imagine they try to kill each other and I have to jump in…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, this still is from “Some Like It Hot”, which is a fun movie. A little silly and dated, maybe, but still engaging and the closing line is terrific.

      I’m not aware of a Streep/Hepburn feud (I was just messing around when I went in that direction) and there probably wasn’t one, as Meryl’s career was just beginning as Katharine’s was winding down. In fact, I believe Meryl has mentioned Katharine as one of her idols, but I may be wrong about that…

      Do you recall the name of the Asian drama that you mentioned? It sounds interesting…

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s called “Legend Of Meng Lijun” or “Another Lifetime Of Fate”, but I cannot find an English synopsis online. It’s a story written about 300 years ago, during which time women dreamed of cross-dressing as men to have adventures outside of their home. Hahaha. Tony and Jack look just as interesting and I would love to see this movie.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Well, I don’t know about original, but they were certainly two of the more memorable, even if they really weren’t. (Please excuse the wretched grammar in the previous sentence. I shamed MYSELF with that mess.)

      Mildly-related note: I’ve known many drag queens over the years, and I have to say most of them are extremely brave and courageous. I’ve long said that if I’m ever in a bar fight, I hope the drag queens are on my side… 😉

      Liked by 2 people

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