Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #521

Douglas, left: “Why are both of you looking at me like you know something that I don’t?”

Jean, middle: “I’m not looking at anybody. When you use as much peroxide on your hair as I do, you lose a little bit of muscle control.”

James, right: “I might be looking at somebody. It depends on what you’ve got to offer.”

Douglas: “I’m not offering anything. Unless you want me to.”

Jean: “Did you know that if I hold this coffee cup up to my hair, it will disappear?”

James: “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. But I couldn’t help but notice your firm grip on whatever it is that you’re holding.”

Douglas: “My hands aren’t the only things that are firm.”

Jean: “Wait. Am I wearing a tie or not? I can’t tell. This vaguely-military outfit was clearly designed by someone who has never been in the military. Or ever hoped to get a date on a Saturday night.”

James: “Well, I can’t tell if this bulky jacket is the only thing I’m wearing. Maybe somebody needs to firmly take it off of me and find out.”

Douglas: “I know a man who might be able to do that.”

Jean: “Oh, for Pete’s sake! I’m tired of fighting for attention in this scene. Why don’t the two of you just wang-chung each other right here on this counter and get it out of your system so we can wrap this shoot. Maybe we can get out of here early enough that I can find a bar where everybody knows my mane.”

Production Assistant, turning to the director: “I’m not sure what’s going on here.”

Director: “It’s called Pre-Code foreplay. Except for that last bit. That’s called Jean Harlow.”


Previously published on “Crusty Pie”, mildly modified for this post.


23 replies »

  1. James does seem to be all hot and bothered, finding it a tad difficult maintaining both a sweaty and stiff upper lip at the same time, all the while wrapped up in his Eez-i-Flash Burberry. Maybe he’s being thrown by Doug’s incessant swagger stick twiddling, who knows? As for Jeannie, one more dose of ‘Platinum Beyond’ and she’s gonna be gettin’ her frizz on. Permanent? Not when you dye, tease, curl and manipulate your crowning glory every six weeks, girl.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Will Doug get over his wooden acting? Will James’ lapels peel back and reveal his dog-tags? Will Jean finally flip her wig? Whats’ in store for our intrepid threesome?
        Perhaps I went too far in this weeks Soaps synopsis? Sorry.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. No! Douglas (whomever, it’s not FAIRBANKS, which is the only Douglas that rings a vaguely familiar bell with me) and James (again, whomever. James GARNER (may he rest in peace) was the only James in my repertoire) – I knew about James Dean ((who might have played a hell’s angel more appropriately, but perhaps he was still teething when this interesting, never to be fulfilled, menage a troi that never happened was filmed. I can see why Jean got frustrated. It’s a tad embarrassing when you realize there is a lot going on and none of it will ever include you because you brought the wrong equipment with you. O_o I hope James did get help with his bulky coat and that all was discreetly revealed later in Douglas’ bungalow..

    Liked by 3 people

    • First, I had a thing for James Garner in my youthful days. I remember watching “The Rockford Files”, but I couldn’t even begin to tell you what any of the episodes were about. I was watching it for James, not the stories.

      Second, I never thought James Dean was all that, from a hotness perspective. There was just something off about his appearance, to me. From an acting perspective? He definitely had talent, but we never got to see him fully develop it…

      Third, I’m always bringing the wrong equipment to the scene, regardless of the subject…

      Fourth, obbverse’s comment above has already convinced me I should do a sequel, and you just added fuel to the fire, especially with the bungalow angle…


  3. Hell’s Angels Alternative: Jean Harlow, frustrated by James’ misplaced admiration and Ben’s frivolousness and the Captain’s overbearing tone, decides to become one of Heaven’s Demons instead.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh, that’s an interesting twist. We could certainly get a very interesting story by pursuing that angle. At the very least, the “Heaven’s Demons” title is a lot of fun, so I might have to quietly steal that idea, even if the resulting story has nothing to do with anything we’ve just discussed… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Cup: Look Jean, I know you want them both, but as Mick Jagger will say, you can’t always get what you want. Stop grabbing me so hard by my handle, flash your boobs at someone new, and understand that this movie is a tearjerker. One of these guys is gonna die, but you’re gonna realise that you loved the other one more.
    PS. Hasn’t this script come by before? Pearl Harbour?? 😉

    Liked by 5 people

  5. At first I though Douglas was Peter, as in Peter Sellers. That puts a whole different spin on things, don’t you think? Especially if, ala Dr. Strangelove, he’s playing all three roles.
    Hmm… Peter Sellers as a platinum blonde?
    Yeah, I’d watch that movie.

    Liked by 1 person

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