Humor

25 Redneck Valentine Greeting Card Sayings

 

“I love you more than beer.”

 

“You complete my bobble-head collection.”

 

“You tractor-pulled my heart.”

 

“Your eyes sparkle like moonshine.”

 

“You are the prettiest girl in the Wal-Marts parking lot.”

 

“I love you like a sister. Oh wait…”

 

“Love means never havin’ to say which one of them kids is really mine.”

 

“The day we got married was the best day I ever had with a shotgun in my back.”

 

“You had me at hello, I’m here to slop the hogs.”

 

“You sure look nice sittin’ next to my gun rack.”

 

“I can’t really read this but the pictures are shiny.”

 

“I would love you even if I couldn’t use your teeth to open my beer bottles.”

 

“Momma says we oughta get married cuz then you won’t have to change the last name on your gun permit.”

 

“If they had your picture on the menu at the Dairy Queen, I’d order you every day.”

 

“I came here tonight cuz when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you better check for ticks.”

 

“Don’t forget I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to stop knockin’ her up every 20 minutes.”

 

“I don’t know how to quit you from running after the mail truck, but you sure can make a fine cherry pie.”

 

“You’re the only woman in the world that doesn’t have a restraining order on me.”

 

“If you can’t be with the one you love, it’s probably because one of us is in jail.”

 

“I love the way you hold my spittoon.”

 

“Our love will never be broken. Unless somebody raids the meth lab. Then I ain’t never heard of you.”

 

“Darlin’, you are more important to me than most of my trucks.”

 

“Roses are red, violets are blue, banjos played at our wedding, and lots of cows did moo.”

 

“Every time I walk in the barn I think of our first night together.”

 

“I would finish the fourth grade for you.”

 

 

Previously published, no changes made. I’m a tad late with this one, but the homespun sentiments remain the same…

 

51 replies »

  1. “The day we got married was the best day I ever had with a shotgun in my back.” LOL. Does this mean he is forced to marry her at gun point? After that, he has to recite his unwavering love at every anniversary under duress? I have to say rednecks are rather exotic creatures and have fascinating customs.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. “Roses are red, violets are blue, banjos played at our wedding, and lots of cows did moo.” 😀 Moo over Hallmark, Brian’s Heartfelt Sentiments are here! You made my day with that one!

    And, what’s up with the red thing in the photo? Is that a bottle opener or a bent hat? 😉

    Liked by 6 people

      • It’s called the “Y” bridge. Id have to look up the history but there was a runnlng joke about people asking directions and being told…”go to the middle of the bridge and turn left.”

        Used to live in Newark.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I looked ip the Y bridge in Zanesville, Ohio. The current version is bridge #5, built in 1983. Bridge #1 was commissioned in 1812 to connect the towns of Zanesville, Putnam, Natchez, and East Zanesville. All would eventually become the current town of Zanesville. The early versions were of poor construction (mostly wood) and several were washed away in whole or in part by floods.

        It is the only bridge you can cross and still be on the same side of the river. Early aviators used it as a visual flight aide that made Zanesville one of the most recognizable cities in the country.

        I used to live about 30-40 miles west of it. Weird bridge. Link below.

        https://photos.app.goo.gl/xpKUqbK5otz7ED6z8

        Liked by 2 people

        • Firstly, thank you for the additional information.

          Secondly, and more importantly, you should know that I worship trivia. It does nothing to advance society, for the most part, but I live for it. I am becoming mildly enraptured with you, in a purely platonic manner, of course. Please tempt me more with tidbits such as this,,, 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  3. BWAHAHHAHHAAA! I BET you got most o’ these offen the wall at Debbie-Sue’s Butter Barn and Beer Emporium in Ephraim, didn’t ya? It’s scary how apt these are for places like Texas, Utah, Oklehoma and any other place that “y’all” is in the actual dictionary. Belated happy V-day cuz!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My ex’s family lives in itty bitty towns is southern Indiana. One of my nieces is actually dating her cousin, the ex con. Cousin as in their fathers are brothers. Some Jerry Springer stuff!🙄

    On a personal note… how are you? I have a friend in Texas got a foot of snow. No power and wind chill -4
    Are you guys okay? Stress levels manageable? Enough pop tarts for a few days??💝💌💕

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Another one that was popular in my area was going to the family reunion to meet girls. Maybe those folks were related to King Ben’s Grandma’s niece (ex niece?). Takes all kinds – some we could do without maybe?

    Liked by 2 people

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