Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #572

Barbara: “My goodness, Mr. Fonda, you seem to be clutching my hand with lusty intention. Was it something I said?”

Henry: “Well, no. It’s not what you’re saying. It’s what you’re wearing.”

Barbara: “Oh, this little number? It’s merely something I threw together at the last minute. The skirt is just a tablecloth I stole from a restaurant, Chez Noir. And the top used to be a lampshade at Pier 1. A girl has to make ends meet, you know. Should we make our own ends meet?”

Henry: “It’s not your outfit, clever though it might be. It’s something a little lower.”

Barbara: “Aren’t we bold, my little hand-clutcher. Fond of my two-moon junction, are you?”

Henry: “A little lower than that.”

Barbara: “You’re confusing me, darling. The junction is my centerpiece. Everything else is just set decoration.”

Henry: “Not always. I’m rather enamored of decorations, especially when it involves a three-inch heel.”

Barbara: “Oh? Oh! You have a foot fetish!”

Henry: “Is that what they call it? I just call it a lonely Saturday night with free Internet access.”

Barbara: “It’s whatever you want to call it, I don’t judge, especially when the rent is due. But I wish you had said something sooner so I didn’t waste all this time squirming provocatively on an ugly ottoman. Let’s head over to Chez Noir and share some wine and throatily whisper about my strappy open-toed availability.”

Henry: “That sounds lovely, but I can’t really stand up right now due to… aerodynamic variances, if you catch my drift.”

Barbara: “Got it. The flag has been raised. Okay, well, perhaps we have trysting options much closer at hand. Or at foot. Does this store have a stockroom?”

Henry: “Indeed it does. But my wife is back there, manipulating the account ledgers to make this establishment appear more profitable than it really is. We’re making America great again.”

Barbara: “Wait, you have a wife? Okay, we’re done.”

Henry: “But I thought we had a connection!”

Barbara: “We did until you mentioned the other connection. I should have known better than to trust a man who looks like he should be selling ice cream from the back of a truck.”

Henry: “You must have me confused with Donald Trump.”

Barbara: “Not at all. Donald would have had one of his lawyers make me sign a non-disclosure agreement before I even sat down on this ugly ottoman. Just like he does with anyone who has the low self-esteem to join his administration.”

Hugh Jackman, wandering onto the set, as security was a bit lax on this sound stage, just like the White House: “Pardon the intrusion, but could I have a word?”

Barbara: “Oh, look, it’s that Wolverine Man with the fetching sideburns. Not only can he act, but he can sing and dance, which is what most of us professionals could do before the Internet was invented and people with absolutely no talent can become superstars.”

Henry: “I really admire your work, Hugh.”

Hugh: “Yes, I can see your aerodynamics from here. Could you maybe put that away for a second?”

Henry: “Sorry. There’s just been a lot of mental stimulation in this post, which is causing me to post, so to speak.”

Hugh: “Right. I’m just going to ignore that whole comment thread. What I’d really like to discuss is the tendency of the scriptwriter at Bonnywood to get too specific about American politics. The rest of the world is not all that interested.”

Barbara: “But isn’t America the leader of the free world? Doesn’t everybody look to us for inspiration?”

Hugh: “Perhaps that used to be true. But then you folks elected that ice cream president who continues to melt in the sunlight of truth. Nobody with any sense wants a taste of that popsicle.”

Henry: “Okay, then. My aerodynamics just went south.”

Hugh: “Did you not get the memo about boundaries? Anyway, I’ve got to run. There’s some political crap happening in Australia that I need to address before my dialogue becomes hypocrisy. Cheers, mates.” Hugh clicked his heels together three times and vanished. Somewhere over the rainbow, Judy Garland smiled.

Barbara: “I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do at this point.”

Henry: “I’m just glad that my point is no longer a point. I was a bit light-headed with the lack of blood flow to my brain.”

Barbara: “I think you just described almost everyone in the Republican Party.”

Previously published. Considerably modified from the original post, although my manipulations might prove unnecessary. Sometimes I spend far too much time messing around with my point…

34 replies »

  1. “Sometimes I spend far too much time messing around with my point…” I admire your honesty😉😂

    I used to be able to run and play hackey sack in 3″ stilettos. Now I care barely walk barefoot, forget heels… so sad 😥

    Liked by 4 people

    • Honesty will save us in the end, somehow.

      Perhaps I’m missing a chromosome or two, but I cannot fathom why anyone would want to do anything in 3″ stilettos. It just seems like so much work. Give me flat-bottomed Converse tennies any day, and I’m good…

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Mr Fonda, forget about trying to rule the world. I mean, it IS a guy thing, but seriously, no one cares. Get your point unstuck from your zipper, find a pair of comfortable shoes, go out back to help your wife and stop being a self-centered knob-head. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    • Whilst the movie (and book) is “The Grapes of Wrath”, I think “The Wrath of Grapes” is much more apt in this situation, pun intended. As for the movie in the photo, it’s “The Lady Eve”, a film that I highly recommend….

      Liked by 2 people

      • Wow, I read the plot summary in Wikipedia and it sounds very interesting. I hope the script is well written too. LOL. But I won’t find that out unless I watch it. Wonderful post.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I just watched “The Lady Eve” from Amazon and it is a great comical farce. The romance part is a little formulated, but all the other parts are great. “I just spent one year in Amazon” is the best pick up line. LOL. And Henry Fonda is so good in everything he plays. A starving migrant in “Grapes” or an awkward nerdy heir in “Eve”.

        Liked by 2 people

        • To be fair, there’s a bit of formula to many older movies, just as there is a different formula for most movies today. After all, Hollywood is a factory, to some extent. But even if the romance is a tad trite, “The Lady Eve” (and many classics from that time) has some very smart dialogue that transcends the formula. I’m glad you liked it!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Yes, that’s very true. Love the script. They did hire better script writers in those days. Nowadays, for some movies, I doubt they hire any script writer at all. As if plot and special effects are enough for a movie.

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Love it – and ms Barbara stanwyk wasn’t into menfolk. How funny to see Henry at her feet, and how well deserved. I’m convinced in today’s films she’s a better actor than both Hugh – hot no doubt – than Henry and paid sadly less for the output than either of your two male specimens to be certain. Love you Bri.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I think the most apt movie title in Barbara’s extensive career is “Ball of Fire”, because she truly was one, in a very good way. Sadly, female balls of fire are woefully undercompensated to this very day.

      Love ya back!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Except the real Henry would have said Build Back Better, yeah?
    Or am I remembering wrong? … Wouldn’t be the first time.
    Only it seems to me I heard a story of he and Jimmy Stewart nearly or actually getting in a fistfight over politics. And then deciding, for the sake of their friendship, to never discuss politics.
    Not that I have a problem with your creative process, please understand that. You let your muse go wherever she wants to go. She’s the boss, after all. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oh, most assuredly Henry was a “build back better” kind of guy. I indulged in a bit of creative license there. Jimmy Stewart was staunchly Republican, so I would imagine that Henry and Jimmy were better off not engaging. But I also think that Jimmy AND Ronnie Reagan (whom Jimmy campaigned for) would be appalled by the current Republican party…

      Liked by 1 person

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