Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #500

Note: This is an older post, so, once again, please excuse the dated references…

William: “It says here in the paper that we’ve reached a significant milestone. I suppose we should celebrate. And by celebrate, I mean drink alcohol and pretend to be happier than we really are.”

Myrna: “I’m perplexed. And by perplexed, I mean that I’m immediately suspicious of you mentioning a milestone that is not on my agenda. I keep careful track of all our impending milestones, and I can assure that this relationship is not due any recognition for at least four more weeks. That’s when we’ll celebrate the fact that I didn’t insist on a divorce six months ago when you insipidly deleted all the episodes of ‘Downton Abbey’ on the DVR.”

William: “My pet, you really are quite fetching when you get so intestinal-blockage about unexpected developments that really don’t matter in the end.”

Myrna: “How quaint of you to say such a thing. Perhaps I should remind you that the divorce papers never left the table. That’s why I’m reading this hefty volume on the best places to be living when you file said papers. In fact, I was just perusing an amusing anecdote about a progressive country where husbands who delete things are neutered in the public square whilst the womenfolk drink sangria and bellow off-color limericks. I think we should move there. Is your passport in order?”

William: “It was until this moment. But seriously, my angel of contradiction, you must remember that things are not always about you or us. It’s actually a friend of ours who has reached an admirable milestone.”

Myrna: “Are we talking your friends or mine? Because there’s a very big difference. I like my friends but I generally don’t like yours. That kind of difference.”

William: “I seem to remember you being much nicer in the other movies we’ve made together. Have you changed agents? Have you had an adjustment in your medication that was not properly considered?”

Myrna, sighing: “You’re quite right in pointing out that I’m being a bit snippy. It’s just that things haven’t been the same in our lives after an arrogant man-child managed to surf his way into the White House on a wave of outright lies, obvious Russian interference in our supposed democracy, and a complete failure in getting the popular vote. I’m just bitter, and it forces me to write blog posts about the situation in the form of artfully-disguised political statements spackled with truthy humor and vintage photos.”

William: “Ah, I’m glad that you finally worked your way back to my original announcement about blogging and milestones. Our mutual dear friend over at Crusty Pie has just released his 500th ‘Past Imperfect’ installment.”

Myrna: “Crusty Pie? How lovely, even if he does tend to ramble a bit with both the story and his point. Good on him.”

William: “So we finally agree on at least one thing?”

Myrna: “Of course we do. But I still want to live in a country where people drink sangria and sing sordid songs, just because they can. And we should probably arrange that before the Man-Child issues another travel ban.”

Previously published. No changes made, and it may seem a bit self-centered to repeat this post, but there is still an admitted degree of personal satisfaction at reaching such a milestone, four years ago. Oh, and for the newer visitors to Bonnywood, “Crusty Pie” is another blog I have where I used to test-run the “Past Imperfect” stories before revising (and usually expanding) them for sharing here at Bonnywood. Somewhere along the line, I started posting the newer Past Imperfects on Bonnywood first, leaving “Crusty Pie” to languish and wither. (It’s not the first blog that I have abandoned, trust.)

Perhaps someday I will revive the process of testing things on Crusty, or at least get around to adding all the newer Past Imperfects to the original birthing center. (I really DO try to be a completist, but I have focus issues.) Still and all, the “Crusty Pie” site is a nice place to visit, should you wish to peruse JUST the Past Imperfect stories, albeit in their original and not-so-polished versions. You can find that mess here.


35 replies »

  1. The orange panda would make any normal person want to visit docking-happy countries that love dirty limericks (is there another kind?) and wine-additives in all their liquids. Too bad you can’t entice him there for a little strategically placed deletion of the non-VCR type. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Perhaps the best way to get Orange Panda (OPie?) to a limerick-loving and wine-swilling country where he will be properly dealt with is spread a rumor that said country believes he was robbed in the last presidential election. He’ll be arriving on his decaying vanity plane within seconds after reading our deceptive tweet, fully expecting another mindless crowd of admirers similar to his mindless rallies and mindless Cabinet meetings. And then the deletion ceremony will begin, much to his surprise…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Five hundred posts??? I feel exhausted just thinking about it. Still I’ll applaud it the best I can. I was kept engrossed / By Lageose’s five hundredth post / But it’s a post from the past / LIke Trump, its term has passed / Yet you must be congratulated / So ‘congrtulations’ though well belated.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Keep in mind I was babbling about 500 posts just on Crusty, never mind all my other blogging adventures. I seriously do not know where I found the time, considering I scribbled most of those posts whilst I was still working. But now? I have an archive bulging with thousands of items. And that makes me very, very happy, especially on days (or weeks) when I’m just not feeling the spirit of fresh composition. I just yank something out of the dusty catacombs, spit-polish it a bit, and we’re good…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Good point. And we can’t really blame her if she does, along with the other 90% of the world which bases their measurements in solid and reasonable mathematics. (The power of 10!) But America? We keep insisting on obscure, makes-no-sense, random measurements like inches and gallons and acres and all that other why-can’t-we-stick-to-one-formula mess… 😉


        • Hey Don, Lets have a right bash at the old imperial stup- system. Anything akin to Whitworth is worth screwing up.
          If an Imperial cubit
          Is a foreshortened arm and a bit,
          And a cubit’s a hand, twice spanned…?…?
          It’s taking weigh too long for me to understand.
          (But wait- then there’s a gross hundredweight … Argh!)

          Liked by 1 person

          • I’m impressed. ‘Whitworth screwing up’ clever.

            You obviously have done some deep research on this ancient system.

            You might be interested to know I have been told by someone (high up) in the Institute of Weights and Measures that the ancient ‘cubit’ slowly morphed over time to our current ‘cube it’. You know? ‘3 cube it = 9’. I can’t vouch for the validity of this but it seems to make sense to me……

            Liked by 1 person

  3. 500 posts is a milestone that is worth mentioning more than once. So congratulations on such an accomplishment. I am envious. But I am also concerned that that arrogant man child will be back in office in another few years. If in all your great wisdom you have any ideas that could alter this, the world would bow at your feet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The sad thing is that wisdom means nothing to most members of the Republican Party these days, so they would just ignore anything I have to share. But I will say this: All of us bloggers and writers and truth-tellers need to keep doing what we do. Individually, we may not create impactive ripples, but the collective voice we are creating builds a wave that strengthens with every word we type…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Although I realize this is an ‘old(er)’ post, still honor and tribute must be paid. Here’s Aretha (who hadn’t gone to that big bandstand in the sky when your post was written) to sing R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Five hundred is worth a beller or two, don’t you think? Sangria optional.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you muchly, Sister. And I hope you realize that, for years now, you have been a big factor in many of the stories I scribble. There have been so many times when I’m trying to finesse a line of dialogue or whatnot when I think “Oh, Melanie would love it if I said THIS”. You’re with me all the time.

      Now, since you mentioned Aretha, have you seen the mini-series “Genius: Aretha”? It originally aired on the NatGeo (National Geographic) channel, but it’s now available on many streaming services. (We watched it on Hulu.) I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it’s an amazing series, wonderfully done. It has a number of themes, but there’s one that I’m sure you’ll appreciate, in that it shows how Aretha struggled to balance her strong religious beliefs with what she could see going on in the world around her.

      The actress who plays the adult Aretha, Cynthia Erivo, is simply stunning. And she is actually singing the songs, not lip-synching, and she completely nails it. (Episode 7 will blow you away.) If you have access to it, give it a chance…


  5. As I’ve said before, Brian, anytime I can see a photo of William Powell, I know it will be a good day. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I love Myrna, too, but William melts my shoes right off.

    Liked by 1 person

    • And that was years ago. Perhaps I should toot more often? Wait, maybe not. Partner is giving me a look that is making it very clear that my tooting is already out of control at Bonnywood. Of course, his concerns are more broccoli-centered rather than blog-centered, but I understand his pain… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  6. “I mean drink alcohol and pretend to be happier than we really are.” That’s funny. LOL. And I love the word “completist” and want to be one myself since I have so many things unfinished. By the way, what is that the beautiful Myrna is holding so tightly? Is that a pile of divorce paper, her luggage, her dowry, her erased DVR collection, or what?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I used to be a very severe completist. If I started something, I finished it, and I did so ahead of schedule. Now? Retirement does strange things to a soul. When you no longer have any true deadlines to meet, you learn that those deadlines are not as important as they used to be. If I get to it, good. If I don’t, I’m still happy.

      I enjoyed your ponderings concerning what Myrna might be holding. (Her dowry!) But I think the bigger concern is why she insisted on wearing that hat… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • LOL. I forgot your particular attention for hats in general. It is interesting that nowadays people don’t wear hat as much as before, except those royalties in Europe.

        I was pushed to be a completist but I’ve never enjoyed it. LOL.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Sheila. Everything old is new again, right? At least that’s what I tell myself when I spout arcane William/Myrna dialogue and the youngsters around me grow concerned that I’ve hit my head again. If only they knew… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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