Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #241

First Row, Lady on the Left: “I hate this stupid motorcycle club and I wish I’d never signed up for it. This is what I get for agreeing to do something after I’d had 14 Sloe Gin Fizzes at the barbecue last Saturday. Drinking just makes me say yes when I shouldn’t. That’s how I ended up sleeping with three of the four men who are following us. It doesn’t explain my hairstyle, though. I don’t know what I was aiming for, but I missed it.”

Lady in the Middle: “I just love this! I feel so free and powerful. And the vibrations have my tingly parts singing show tunes.”

Lady on the Right: “Is somebody singing? And why doesn’t Ruth have a headlight on her bike? What does she know that we don’t?”

Second Row, Guy on the Left: “I hope Lisa drinks some more gin fizzes today. We had some great fun when she pretended to be a Russian gymnast and I was her balance beam. Too bad about that dismount, though. Now I have to get a new ceiling fan.”

Guy in the Middle: “I just realized that I rolled my jean cuffs higher than anybody else. This will probably end up in the newsletter, damn it. Still, I’m the coolest guy here, even if I look like I survived the San Fernando flood of ‘58. Everyone knows that only using one hand to drive makes all the chicks throw their panties in the air. I think Sartre said that. Or maybe Sam. Somebody said it.”

Guy on the Right: “Oh my God, Wayne is wearing the same color shirt as me. It’s kismet. We are meant to be together. He just doesn’t know it yet. Maybe I should rev my engine to get his attention? Or maybe not. I don’t want to accidently rear-end Janet. That might give her yearnings that I’m not prepared to satisfy. Ever.”

Guy Way the Hell in the Back: “This is just like picking teams for dodgeball in those soul-killing high school phys ed classes. Nobody wants me on their team and I’m the last one to get to the locker room. Nothing says failure like having to stand there naked while waiting for an open shower spigot. But it did give me time to study things, and I can guarantee you that Wayne ain’t all that.”

Big-Ass Tree on the Left: “Thank you for killing me with the billowing exhaust. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.”

Mailbox Even Further Back Than the Unpicked Dodge-Baller: “Can we talk about why all of the women in this scene have breasts that refuse to speak to one another? Is it a gravitational-pull kind of thing?”

The Road: “I may be long and winding, but I have enough sense to realize that none of these people should be straddling anything.”

Previously published, considerable changes made for this post. And I should share that said changes were made amidst the lingering, possibly delirious, effects of my colonoscopy yesterday as well as the recognizable whiff of never being an initial pick for dodgeball.

Two more music-trivia references were shoved into this mess. Please update your spreadsheets accordingly.


38 replies »

  1. I didn’t realise show tunes were orgasmic? I guess ‘Chim Chim Cher-ee’ could pass with a push…..

    Interesting observation…..girls, leaders of the pack… how things have changed…

    Serious comment…..well done with drawing a story from this

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am here to confirm that some show tunes are thoroughly orgasmic. We’ll leave it at that, with no further tawdry details shared…

      I’m all for gals leading the pack. The guys haven’t done such a great job, truth be told…

      Thanks for the serious. I really enjoy taking a random something and turning it into something else entirely…


      • Now that you have confirmed some tunes are thoroughly orgasmic I will be on the lookout in future. I imagine they would be tagged ‘O only’…as well as ‘A only’ of course. I didn’t see any of the Mary Poppins tagged thus so she must have been pretty non-orgasmic. Pretty hard to be thus when you’re flying an umbrella…..

        Enough silliness…

        You’re so right about gals leading the pack. Women are the sensible ones. Men ‘don’t have a lot of sense’ if you follow me. Women being child-carer-protectors has something to do with it ?….

        ‘I really enjoy taking a random something and turning it into something else entirely…’

        Keep doing it. It’s enjoyable to read…..

        Liked by 1 person

  2. As to the breast phenomenon, I’ll hazard a guess. Those women were wearing the undergarments of their generation. Foundation garment wasn’t just a cutesy slogan made up by some guy who never had to wear a foundation garment, and who drank too many sloe gin fizzes too. That gin will mess with the finest minds. The women squeezed the girls into those instruments of torture I’m speculating because having a ‘girl’ whap you in the face as you are speeding down the highway of destiny would be off putting to the heartiest soul. Nobody looks ‘cool’ with a black eye shaped roughly like a mammary gland. I want to know how middle woman and right woman kept the bugs out of their teeth. The woman on the left at least had the sense to keep her mouth shut. A thing those men no doubt appreciated greatly, gin fizzes notwithstanding. Communication can be tricky….especially if one is picking bug parts out of the dentition..

    Liked by 2 people

    • I always love how you make it real. The bugs-in-the-teeth angle never really crossed my mind, but I should have pursued that now-obvious trigger. And yes, foundation garments are generally wretched things developed by gin-fizzing men who have no clue about the wretchedness they are designing. In a perfect world, any product would only be developed by people who actually have to USE that product. But, sadly, we are nowhere near that nirvana, what with idiots running lose hither and yon who have been given ill-advised power that makes the rest of us suffer…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. All seven of these easy riders need to think about a little helmet protection; accidents will happen. Speaking of safety, riding three abreast is another flat out no-no gals.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think there might be some Freudian implications with your comment. Which is perfectly apt, because if Freud had run into ME whilst he was developing his theories, he would have changed every one of them after my first session on his couch… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s right. None of them is wearing helmets and none with leather jacket. I thought the two are required outfits. And I have to say the road is unusually empty in both directions. Wait, is this a movie scene? I wonder what movie is this?

    Liked by 1 person

    • There does seem to be a very noticeable lack of leather jackets. And I think you’re on to something with this being a movie still. I didn’t even bother to check the origination of this photo when I initially scribbled the first version of this story, but now I’m off to Google to see what I can find…


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