Jane: “I feel compelled to report an issue with my accommodations.”
Hairaldo: “You look like you are compelled about a lot of things. And why is your dress stapled to your bosom?”
Jane: “That’s not important. I didn’t sleep well at all last night.”
Hairaldo: “Did you remember to take the hat off?”
Jane: “Of course I did. It has in its own bed, that’s why I requested a double room. And neither of us were able to sleep a wink because of all the shenanigans at the swimming pool.”
Hairaldo: “We don’t have a swimming pool.”
Jane: “Then what is that outside my window, with the people lying on cots and making such a racket?”
Hairaldo: “That’s an opium den. Would you like me to arrange for reservations? Just the one? Or will the hat be joining you?”
Jane: “I really don’t appreciate your tone.”
Hairaldo: “And I really don’t appreciate your ugly clutch. Or your purse.”
Jane: “I’ve had quite enough. I demand to speak to the manager.”
Hairaldo: “You’re already doing that.”
Jane: “Then I have no choice but to take my business elsewhere. Please arrange for a cab whilst I retrieve my luggage and prepare to flee this dump.”
Hairaldo: “Before I make any phone calls, I’ll need you to settle your bill.”
Jane: “Perhaps you should check your records, assuming you have any. I pre-paid for this poor decision weeks ago.”
Hairaldo: “For the room, yes, but there’s the matter of charges to the room.”
Jane: “That’s ridiculous. I’ve done nothing to incur additional charges. I took one look at the room-service menu and hurled it to the floor, aghast.”
Hairaldo: “And apparently your hat picked it up. It seems he’s rather enamored of the menu, having ordered from it so many times that we had to re-stock the kitchen. He’s had himself dry-cleaned three times, he’s been to the spa twice, and he took a helicopter tour of the ruins at Oingo Boingo. And the adult movies he ordered on pay-per-view are quite eye-opening. Girl, you’ve got a twisted little hat on your head.”
Jane, sighing: “Fine. Please print out an itemized receipt and I’ll settle the account.”
Hairaldo: “That might take some time, and the big number at the end might require therapy on your part. Are you quite sure that you don’t want to take advantage of the opium den next door before we proceed? After all, it won’t cost you anything. Your hat bought a lifetime membership.”
Previously published, modified mildly with this version, deepening the sins of the accessories.
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
I like, ” an opium den”
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I’ve never been to one, so I don’t really know if they have swimming pools, but I would think so… 😉
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Hahaha. It’s makes the story very interesting. I will read the story again within the day.
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Oh yes, an opium den. Lead the way.
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The Hat will happily lead you astray…
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reminds me of the man who mistook his wife for a hat…
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And, to twist it a bit more, the hat who mistook his wife for a man. Too far?
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no, seems quite appropriate in this context…
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I hope Jane tries the opium den, she might bump into Sherlock Holmes…
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Then again, she might bump into Dr. Watson, and I understand (via my gaydar) that he doesn’t play well with others when it comes to his man. There might be a catfight of epic proportions…
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Sounds like you’re already planning the next episode 😉
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and here I was rather chuffed with myself, thinking that the man on the right, “Hairaldo” was Robert Mitchum.
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Maybe so, maybe not. Such is the allure of these random photos I find on the Internet. Unless you’ve seen the movie, in which case the mystery fizzles out entirely… 😉
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HA! Such a tease you are! So much so, I was compelled to read your tags and VOILA! Jane Greer! Yay.
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Apparently, the only thing on her mind was her hat, and even it took a break. 😉
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Sadly, you have just described the mindlessness of many American voters…
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Who is the portly guy leaning against the wall in the background?
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My first instinct is to say “Alfred Hitchcock, of course”. He always does brief cameos in his work. Then the rational side of my mind, one rarely heard from, says “it can’t be Alfie, because he had nothing to do with this film”. Or did he?…. 😉
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A lascivious hat- thats a hair-raising heads up any girl left to pay the price of the night before.
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Are you speaking from experience? Not judging, just curious… 😉
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Nah, I won’t risk answering. Or rather, throwing my hat in that ring, so to speak.
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What an asshat! 🙊😂
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Exactly. Never trust your couture to be completely honest with you. And never give them your credit card info…
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“Your hat bought a lifetime membership.” That’s so funny. Too bad nowadays people don’t like to wear hat anymore, which can earn them memberships to interesting clubs. LOL.
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Sadly, I’m one of those folks who just doesn’t look good in a hat, no matter what kind, despite my yearning to look dashing in a fedora… 😉
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