Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #145

Jane: “I feel compelled to report an issue with my accommodations.”

Hairaldo: “You look like you are compelled about a lot of things. And why is your dress stapled to your bosom?”

Jane: “That’s not important. I didn’t sleep well at all last night.”

Hairaldo: “Did you remember to take the hat off?”

Jane: “Of course I did. It has in its own bed, that’s why I requested a double room. And neither of us were able to sleep a wink because of all the shenanigans at the swimming pool.”

Hairaldo: “We don’t have a swimming pool.”

Jane:  “Then what is that outside my window, with the people lying on cots and making such a racket?”

Hairaldo: “That’s an opium den. Would you like me to arrange for reservations? Just the one? Or will the hat be joining you?” 

Jane: “I really don’t appreciate your tone.”

Hairaldo: “And I really don’t appreciate your ugly clutch. Or your purse.”

Jane: “I’ve had quite enough. I demand to speak to the manager.”

Hairaldo: “You’re already doing that.”

Jane: “Then I have no choice but to take my business elsewhere. Please arrange for a cab whilst I retrieve my luggage and prepare to flee this dump.”

Hairaldo: “Before I make any phone calls, I’ll need you to settle your bill.”

Jane: “Perhaps you should check your records, assuming you have any. I pre-paid for this poor decision weeks ago.”

Hairaldo: “For the room, yes, but there’s the matter of charges to the room.”

Jane: “That’s ridiculous. I’ve done nothing to incur additional charges. I took one look at the room-service menu and hurled it to the floor, aghast.”

Hairaldo: “And apparently your hat picked it up. It seems he’s rather enamored of the menu, having ordered from it so many times that we had to re-stock the kitchen. He’s had himself dry-cleaned three times, he’s been to the spa twice, and he took a helicopter tour of the ruins at Oingo Boingo. And the adult movies he ordered on pay-per-view are quite eye-opening. Girl, you’ve got a twisted little hat on your head.”

Jane, sighing: “Fine. Please print out an itemized receipt and I’ll settle the account.”

Hairaldo: “That might take some time, and the big number at the end might require therapy on your part. Are you quite sure that you don’t want to take advantage of the opium den next door before we proceed? After all, it won’t cost you anything. Your hat bought a lifetime membership.” 

Previously published, modified mildly with this version, deepening the sins of the accessories.

26 replies »

    • My first instinct is to say “Alfred Hitchcock, of course”. He always does brief cameos in his work. Then the rational side of my mind, one rarely heard from, says “it can’t be Alfie, because he had nothing to do with this film”. Or did he?…. 😉


  1. “Your hat bought a lifetime membership.” That’s so funny. Too bad nowadays people don’t like to wear hat anymore, which can earn them memberships to interesting clubs. LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

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