Oprah Winfrey: “Hi there. I’m working on new stories for my magazine, and I just had a few questions for you.”
Vin Diesel: “How did you get in here? I instructed my guards to shoot anyone who wasn’t an agent bringing me the script for Fast and Furious 27: Burning Rubber in Our Wheelchairs at the Santa Monica Retirement Village.”
Oprah: “Oh, please. I had a talk show that lasted for decades, and I have more money than most countries. I’m bullet-proof. Now, tell me about those weird, frozen, Egyptian statues. What’s going on with that?”
Vin: “Well, those things represent Republican candidates running for office. It’s kind of complex symbolism that means-”
Oprah: “Republicans are stuck in the ancient past, they represent concepts that are no longer relevant, and if you start chipping away at their lies everything crumbles. Got it. And what’s up with the chick behind you that looks like she’s an extra in The Ring movies?”
Vin: “She represents people who vote Republican.”
Oprah: “So she’s blurry because she can’t think for herself.”
Vin: “Basically.”
Oprah: “Okay, I think I’m done here. Didn’t learn anything, no story.”
Vin: “But you got to meet me. That’s a new angle, right?”
Oprah: “You’ve made the same exact movie many times in a row without even changing the script. Shouldn’t you be one of the statues in this mausoleum of dead ideas?”
Vin: “Wait, are you saying that I’m a…. look, I’m on your side in this mess. I’m just trying to get people to wake up and smell the lies.”
Oprah: “Oh, I’m a firm believer in that. Maybe we can work together, after all.”
Vin: “Great! I was thinking we could do a remake of ‘The Color Purple’ movie. Have you seen it?”
Oprah: “Seen it? I was in it. I peed on camera and got an Oscar nomination. I think I know a thing or two about that movie.”
Vin: “Oh. I might have slipped away to do my own peeing during that part. It was a really long movie. But anyway, I like the title and I think we can use it for a documentary focused on educating voters in those battleground states that flip-flop between red and blue. The purple states.”
Oprah: “Hmm. I’d have to talk to Alice Walker about that. And Steven Spielberg, as well. You probably can’t understand this, considering your repetitive profile on IMDB, but sometimes you should never mess with the original. Still, tell me more. And why would we only focus on the flip-flop states?”
Vin: “Well, the deep-blue states are a lock, unless something drastic happens. And the deep-red states are a lock in the opposite direction, even if something drastic happens, like Covid and climate change and reality. You are never going to change the opinion of deep-reds, as they disconnected a long time ago, with all their delusions and conspiracy theories. Have you heard the latest mess about the magnets?”
Oprah: “Don’t even get me started on the magnets. Still, I believe in talking to people. I had a talk show. Where I talked to people. For a long time. Sometimes talking one-on-one, in front of a large studio audience hoping they have a free trip to the Bahamas under their chairs, works out.”
Vin: “Agreed. But there has to be a point where extending the olive branch is no longer worth the effort. Should we really waste our time reaching out to folks who have no desire to be reached? Write them off as lax deductions on the balance sheet of life and move on. Are you with me?”
Oprah: “Not completely. I still hope that there’s hope with the hopeless. But maybe we can find a middle ground in our efforts.” She whips out her day planner, an old-school device from back the day in when people were generally decent in public even if they were horribly indecent in private. “I have a free hour on Tuesday next. Does that work out for you?”
Vin: “Anything that moves us forward instead of backward works for me.”
Previously published in “Crusty Pie”, revised and extended for this post. And that magnet thing? Let me fill you in, should you be raising a puzzled eyebrow at such. True Story: Just yesterday, Partner had me take a gander at an item in his Facebook feed. One of his connections had posted something along the lines of “Heads up! There are photos of magnets sticking to people’s arms where they got the Covid vaccination. This is proof that the Covid shot is a tracking device! Try it and send me photos!”
And people actually shared photos in the comments, clearly staged. It’s true! This is all a government conspiracy!
How do you deal with this mess?
I still believe in dialogue.
I still believe in compromise. (Isn’t that the definition of democracy?)
But I’m done with the vindictive lies and the appalling hate and the rejection of reality.
So, yes, there IS a point where even decent people can’t take it anymore, and they must move on, writing off the lax deductions in society. And I’m there.
Cheers.
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
Thanks for explaining about the magnets. That is moronic. It’s a wonder these people can grope their way to FB in the first place. Or tie their shoes. Yikes.
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That’s what kills me: These fools clearly have access to the Internet, and thereby they have access to a wide array of reputable news organizations that speak of logic and sense. Yet they silo themselves, marinating on absurd, ridiculous sites that can’t prove a damn thing about anything. Ugh.
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I’m right there with you
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Thanks, Beth. Somehow, somewhere, decency will persevere. I’m just not sure I have the patience to wait for that moment…
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it’s way overdue already
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I never got a free trip to the Bahamas.
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Then maybe you didn’t look hard enough under your seat. That’s generally the case with me, as I get bored rather quickly… 😉
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We really are down the rabbit hole. How relatively sane people can believe this crap is beyond me.
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I can’t grasp it, either. And I’m from Oklahoma, a state that reality has never really visited…
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Glad to see that someone else feels about Vin Diesel the way I do…
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Seriously, he was on the verge of major stardom at one point (let’s not reflect on the sadness of such a possibility) and yet he keeps choosing the same blueprint…
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I could not get a magnet to stick to my vaccination spot. Are the tracking devices not inserted in the Pfizer vaccines? Or was I scammed with a phony vaccination?
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Oh, good point, I’m a Pfizer injectee as well. Should we complain to management that we didn’t get the delusional option?
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Well, at least he got to make his requisite “Tough Guy Taking Care of Children” movie.
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Arnie, the Rock, Vin, all just big children at heart, I suppose.
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Ah, Dwayne Johnson! Funny guy. Not Peter Cooke funny but also not Chuck Norris cringy…
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Damn. Magnetic arms. Gotta be that microchip in the Covid vaccine that I read about. I guess it’s a bit like every thing else including Santa Claus, only happens when you believe it will.
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I can’t even begin to fathom. If it was 1837, I could understand the confusion and ignorance, especially if one was homesteading in the wilds of Montana. But now, with a wealth of reputable information in easy reach if you just try? No excuse…
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Magnets?? Okaaaayy… I wonder if they ever considered that their phones are a better tracking device than a vaccine? 🤦🏼♀️
Yeah… I’ve been done with the willfully ignorant for a while. It’s not even comic relief anymore… it’s just sad, and too whackadoodle for me.
I still believe in talking to folks one on one… virtually, from my home😉…
Let’s cue up Journey and sing together🎶💃🏼
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I’ve been mostly done for a long time, as well, but the reservoir of hope in me meant I should at least TRY to continue a dialogue. But even that reservoir is gone now, which is sad. But we have to move on…
Cueing up Journey as well. Ohhh, you sound really good. Perhaps we should do a duet? 😉
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I’ve long ago given up reaching out to the unreachable. There are a certain percentage who are Pod People. (See; Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.) All trace of rational thought has been wrapped up in a confederate flag and been placed in cold storage till the Rapture, or the second coming of Don, whichever is more believable.
Oooh, I am bitchy this morning.
So, quickly moving on to lighter notes before my blood pressure spikes.
Vin D references? Spot on. I can remember when he was only known for XXX, and I thought that was the grading on his ‘acting’ skills rather than the title of his farce action flick. And then the franchise; the endless drive-in drivel production line by-the-numbers ‘Badly Cast And The Spurious?’ Kill me now. Or the franchise. (No offence, Vin; After the first of these Razzie winning imbroglio clap-trap movies I think I’d take the money and run too.)
Oooh, I am bitchy this morning.
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Nothing wrong with being bitchy, at all. It seems we’re way past the days when you could depend on folks to at least be courteous and open to compromise. Doors have been closed, slammed shut by those who are Willfully Ignorant. Now we have to take what we can take…
I also think that the continued thriving of the “Fast and Furious” franchise is a perfect exemplar of modern society. Vapid nothingness, rinsed and repeated…
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Good for you for hanging in, Brian!
The bipartisan deal struck this week in the Senate was something I thought I’d never see again in my lifetime.
Now it’s time for Nancy to work her magic.
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I completely agree. The Senate compromise was astounding, considering the vehement partisanship of the Republican Party (read that as: Unabashed Dedication to Anything Trump Wants). It does give me some degree of hope, but I’m not holding my breath. Yes, Nancy has to work her magic at this point, and she’s a master at it, but she’d best hurry. We all know how mid-term elections generally do not favor the Party in the White House, and the clock is ticking…
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Indeed, Brian. Well said.
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Hahaha. Oprah Winfrey is bullet proof. That’s funny. She can be very persuasive. I don’t know all the references about Vin Diesel. Is he the bald guy in the picture? Not sure what he’s standing in front of. Is that a feather bed?
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Yes, Vin is represented by the bald guy. (But to be fair, this photo is from an Ernst Lubitsch film released nearly a decade ago (1922!), long before Vin Diesel started making crappy movies of his own or was even born.
Thank you for pointing out the possible feather-bed angle. I missed that in my original analysis of the photo, but your observation should clearly factor into my next revision of this story, as I’m sure there will such a revision. I am always updating my older stories to see how I can make them more interesting…. 😉
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