Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #474


Note: This bit seriously messes with the time-space continuum. Just raise your arms and ride the roller-coaster…


King Edward VIII: “And so it is with heavy heart that I must abdicate the throne so I can be with the woman I love. I’m sure that many of you are worried about what this means for our country and the value of the commemorative plates you bought at my coronation. I will now bravely answer your questions, fully aware that if I don’t like said questions I can simply walk away because I don’t owe you anything now.”

American Reporter: “Um, yeah, why do the microphones on your desk look like baby Empire State Buildings?”

Edward, now merely the Duke of Windsor: “I’m assuming that you didn’t go to Cambridge, but surely you can think of something more important to ask.”

Reporter: “Well, I suppose I could, but surely you realize that huge, conservative corporations have taken over our national media and journalists aren’t allowed to report the truth anymore. Everything has been reduced to white noise and nothingness and fluff pieces about desktop accessories.”

Edward, now merely sad: “I weep for my country.”

Reporter: “Your country? Try being a reporter in America, where telling the truth can cost you your job.”

Edward, now merely incredulous: “Surely the people can tell when they are being scammed.”

Reporter: “Have you not noticed who is currently sitting in the White House? Thank God his tiny fingers can’t reach the nuclear buttons or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Edward, now merely confused: “Do you mean the orange chap?”

Reporter: “Yes. The one who is filled with hot air and floating above London.”

Edward, now merely grasping: “Oh. I thought that was just some sort of children’s festival that had gotten entirely out of hand.”

Reporter: “Actually, that’s a good assessment of the Apprentice White House. Can I quote you?”

Wallis Simpson, American socialite and English imposter, wandering in from wherever she might have been: “Eddie, are you done with the abdicating? You’re late for your next meeting, some mess about how nationalism is a naughty thing that we don’t really want. Of course, there’s really no need for you to attend now that you’ve whizzed on your crown. I’m sure we can watch the news on the telly later and learn the real truth from a spokesmodel who barely recognizes her own name, let alone a scientific fact.”

Reporter, exasperatedly throwing off the shackles of corporate-controlled American news: “Ah, how nice of you to join us, once again arriving after someone else has down your dirty work.”

Wallis: “Are you expecting to somehow win my favor after a remark like that?”

Reporter: “I’m not expecting to win anything, unless it involves beer. I just want the truth.”

Wallis: “I’m also a strong proponent of the truth, so help me Chanel. Ask away.”

Reporter: “Is it true that both of you are Nazi sympathizers?”

Wallis, smiling winsomely: “Is it true that your orange balloon is controlled by the Russians?”

Reporter: “That’s an easy shot. I’m sure you and your startled chamber maids are familiar with the definition of easy. Besides, the Russians have many fingers. I can smell the essence of Mar-A-Lago wafting out of Boring Johnson’s diapers from here.”

Wallis, grimacing: “This conversation is growing rather tedious. Edward, aren’t you going to assist me with this situation? We discussed this possible development during your bath time with Mr. Ducky.”

Edward, now sullen, staring at the baby Empire State Buildings: “I’ve abdicated, darling. I no longer have any responsibilities. I’m just waiting for the staff to bring in luncheon. I hope they have pudding.”

Wallis: “My pet, you might be waiting a while. They are no longer feeding us, what with your throwing the crown in the gutter and all. Nor are they paying us, which reminds me that we need to be fleeing into the night shortly, on our way to a new life in France where we can wait for the invention of disco music. Perhaps you could review the fine print in your escape clause whilst I tend to this rudely-behaved traitor reporter.”

Reporter: “I’m no traitor, unkind sir. I love my country, which is why my soul has been battered by the incessant rise of vindictive zealots in my homeland who have no concept of equality for all. Aren’t you also concerned for England, now that leaders aren’t doing their jobs and fighting for all citizens to live a decent life?”

Wallis: “It’s not my country.”

Reporter: “It’s also not your king, but you had no problems claiming him for your own. Honestly, though, putting aside your enormous conception of yourself and any provocative slideshow presentations that Adolf may have shown you whilst swilling cocktails at the Eagle’s Nest, doesn’t part of your heart worry about injustice?”

Wallis: “Well, now that you mention it, I’m not at all a fan of the Empire leaving the European Union. Have you seen what it’s done to the prices of high-end couture on Oxford Street? It’s simply outrageous. Such suffering.”

Reporter: “Oh, I can top you a bit on the injustice angle. The Republicans in the state of Texas just completely outlawed abortion and allowed anyone who wants a gun to run around without a permit or required training of any kind, all in one day.”

Wallis: “That seems a bit extreme, although it does remind me of the Hitler slideshows. But surely your Supreme Court will eventually stabilize things.”

Reporter: “We don’t have a Supreme Court anymore. We have a privileged country club that wafts of Mar-a-Lago, with only a small contingent of minorities who are doing what they can to stop the stench that will most-likely affect us for decades.”

Wallis: “Now you’re getting all political, and I must say that I’m not sure I appreciate it, along with, presumably, some of your readers.”

Reporter: “This entire scoop has been political, albeit twistedly so.”

Wallis: “It has? I thought it was all about me.”

Reporter: “You really are an American. Well, at least the bad kind.”

Wallis: “You say tomato, I say Givenchy. I think we’re done here. Edward, have you packed your ditty?”

Edward: “I’m still waiting for my pudding. I hope it’s tapioca.”


Previously published, modified and extended for this post. And yes, the reference to Texas and the double whammy of madness is true. September 1 was not a good day for decency in this state. My soul continues to be battered, but I still have a voice, and I will continue to fight for the voiceless. I’m the good kind of American. At least I hope so…


31 replies »

    • Oh, I wasn’t aware that we actually HAVE leaders in this state. My bad. I thought we just had elected lunatics playing a deadly game of musical chairs to see who can tongue Trump’s ass the hardest. But I’m not bitter… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I’m seriously advocating letting Texas secede from the Union. The way they’re stripping civil liberties and rights they shouldn’t be allowed to call themselves American. Get out while you can. Just don’t move to Florida, I think they’re next.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I heard a snippet of this law on abortion this morning. And…where I am, they just passed a law where anyone can walk around with their gun strapped to their hips or stuck in their pants or bra or whatever the most comfortable orifice happens to be. No training required and no permit cost. I’m going to carry mine in my…hand. 🥴

    Liked by 2 people

    • I just cannot comprehend the Texas obsession with guns. Sure, there’s a time and a place that you might need one. But the way these people act you would think there are massive waves of criminals plundering the state, when the real plundering is coming from our governor and his relentless attack on personal rights…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Agree with people above that Texas is going insane. Just when you think it is quite insane, it comes up with something even crazier. However I did meet one or two Texas democrats before and they are the nicest and sanest people in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re exactly right, in that Texas Democrats are nice and sane and trying to do the right thing for everybody. The silver lining in all this current madness? Those sane Democrats are a growing contingent in this state, whilst the vicious variety of Republicans are dwindling. There’s a reckoning coming, for sure…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wow, I would be so happy to see that. Hope that is true and you are not too optimistic about it. As far as I can see, it is getting more conservative in its laws. Wish this is just a desperate attempt from the conservatives that will eventually fail.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Well shit. I hadn’t heard, being in my cone of silence under that big mushroom I call home. My sympathies to all the women who have to sneak into back alley rooms once again and who will be arrested, contract serious diseases that will affect their lives ever after and the whole slew of nasty things that comes with illegal abortions. Why didn’t those stupid old men (if there are women in the Texas ‘governing’ body, then shame on them! 😡 ) just fix the %@$# laws? Oh silly me. I was crediting politicians with the ability to think (for themselves). My bad. I wonder if Utah is next in line to join that idiocy? It won’t impact me one way or the other except to verify that in Utah women are still second class and chattel for men to order around.

    Liked by 2 people

    • My mind is constantly boggled by the sheer amount of people in this state who not only win elections despite their complete ineptitude but they then take that election win as a mandate to oppress anyone who isn’t white and male and rich, just like them. And no, there are no women with any significant power in this state. The last time we had such, which would be Ann Richards who stunned the illiterate yokels by winning the governorship for a single term, was decades ago. She was great, she was funny, and she cared about all of her constituents. (No surprise, she was a Democrat.) Since then? Nada, as far as women in power…

      Like

  5. You’re the good kind. The kind kind of kind who kindly puts into words what many think but few can express so interestingly and eloquently. Texas embarrassed me to be from the United States now I’m waiting for compulsory reconstruction after mastectomies since we must appear to have boobs to go with those swollen baby bellies forced unconstitutionally upon men and women. But it’s women’s reproductive rights not mens. And men for the most part set the agenda. I was going to go the San Antonio breast cancer Conferrncd but I refuse to set foot in that state. Next time you step out and head westerly let me know I’ll rent an RV and meet you. But until we see what’s going to happen in the SOTUS I can’t bear it. And Wallis got a bum rap. She stayed with him though and sadly had quite a time of it. Good god could you imagine her in Dallas finding out Neiman Marcus had closed?

    Liked by 1 person

    • First, do not set foot in this state unless you have no alternative. It’s not worth it. The moral rot that you would see all around you is a wallop to the psyche, and nobody needs that mess.

      Second, the worst thing about a America is the entrenched domination of men making decisions. Full stop.

      Third, the current horrid imbalance of the SCOTUS will have damaging effects for years to come. I don’t know how we’re going to get out of that, but we must find a way…

      Fourth, Wallis would never have survived the closing of Neiman Marcus. It’s good that she went when she did… 😉

      Like

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