Humor

50 Startling Epitaphs in the Bonnywood Manor Graveyard


1. “The wi-fi really sucks in here.”


2. “I didn’t realize you were THAT invested in getting my Adele tickets.”


3. “Guess I didn’t need to save those vacation days after all.”


4. “Well, at least I won’t have to put up with any more psycho-drama at Thanksgiving family reunions.”


5. “Anybody up for a beer run?”


6. “About that eating raw fish thing…”


7. “Um, I’m not sure who you need to tell, but that guy two plots over isn’t there anymore.”


8. “When they said ‘no parking on the dance floor’, I guess they really meant it.”


9. “Mama said there’d be days like this.”


10. “I am away from my computer right now.”


11. “Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.”


12. “BRB. LOL.”


13. “Take the chances I never did.”


14. “Red really does mean stop.”


15. “It hurts when you stick the flowers in the ground.”


16. “Who in the world thought I wanted pink satin up in this mess?”


17. “Did you delete my browser history like we agreed?”


18. “Don’t pick door number three. Trust me.”


19. “Anne Rice got a few things wrong.”


20. “Vodka and a game of Twister. Enough said.”


21. “Should have gone with the cash option on that lottery ticket.”


22. “My son stepped on a crack…”


23. “Most accidents really do occur in the home.”


24. “Damn waterbed.”


25. “Oh, what a relief it is.”


26. “I told you I didn’t need the extended warranty.”


27. “Gas bubble, my ass.”


28. “Disappointed in my will, were you? Good.”


29. “Does my butt look big in this?”


30. “I’d like a do-over, please.”


31. “Flew like an eagle. To the sea.”


32. “I guess you found out that I lied about working late that night.”


33. “I guess I shouldn’t have had so many chili dogs”


34. “The number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”


35. “Wouldn’t it have been easier to just divorce me? Geez.”


36. “Why did you put all that crap in my casket? This is not a piñata.”


37. “Turns out it doesn’t really matter if you’re wearing clean underwear or not.”


38. “Did you really think that was an appropriate outfit to wear at my funeral? Girl, please.”


39. “But I still have crops to harvest in Farmville!”


40. “Does this come with fries?”


41. “Looks like that one child can start to carry on, carry on.”


42. “Douglas Adams was right. It’s 42.”


43. “Cuidado! Piso mojado.”


44. “Where are my pants?”


45. “One million two hundred seventy thousand beers on the wall…”


46. “Room for rent. Inquire within. No pets.”


47. “I should have said yes more than I said no.”


48. “Yes, I ordered the pizza. There’s some money in the flower pot on the right.”


49. “Hey! What’s down THAT road?”


50. “Better luck next time. See ya soon.”



Previously published, perhaps more times than it should have been.

Story behind the story: Many moons ago, my bestie Tiffany and I ingested a few Reese’s dark-chocolate peanut butter cups whilst sitting in the workplace and waiting for some type of validation in our lives. Sugar-levels elevated, loopiness ensued, and we envisioned interesting headstones one might encounter in a cemetery. The list has changed over the years (humor definitely has a shelf life), and the above is the latest reincarnation.

Story behind the photo: This is yet another shot from our excursion to the Alcazaba de Malaga. I like how it appears to be religious, but isn’t necessarily so, and it therefore gives a nod to the variety of belief systems out there. None of us knows exactly what is going to happen. All the more reason to seize the days before we can no longer seize them…


41 replies »

    • Even though it sounds morbid, I do reflect, from time to time, on what I might like on my gravestone, should I have one. (I really haven’t decided on my exit plans, so who knows.) Me, the man who regularly uses 400 words when other folks could sum it up in 10, can’t think of a pithy farewell. Go figure.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ditto. I really liked the one about being buried upside down so the world could kiss my a$$, but I doubt my sobersides relatives would actually do it. I suppose, because they are expensive, to have one made up prior to dropping off the perch, would be the wiser thing to do. Store in the garage until it’s needed. 😝

        Liked by 1 person

    • In my case, chances are that I won’t take a chance I should have and that’s why my ass ends up in the ground. I dream big, but I’m very measured with my actual actions, always a conundrum…

      Like

  1. Hahah these are brilliant. No 26 – “I told you I didn’t need the extended warranty” I don’t know why but that really cracked me up 😆
    I’m just going for “I told you I was sick” on my grave, which now seems way too boring!

    Caz x

    Liked by 2 people

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