1. “The wi-fi really sucks in here.”
2. “I didn’t realize you were THAT invested in getting my Adele tickets.”
3. “Guess I didn’t need to save those vacation days after all.”
4. “Well, at least I won’t have to put up with any more psycho-drama at Thanksgiving family reunions.”
5. “Anybody up for a beer run?”
6. “About that eating raw fish thing…”
7. “Um, I’m not sure who you need to tell, but that guy two plots over isn’t there anymore.”
8. “When they said ‘no parking on the dance floor’, I guess they really meant it.”
9. “Mama said there’d be days like this.”
10. “I am away from my computer right now.”
11. “Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.”
12. “BRB. LOL.”
13. “Take the chances I never did.”
14. “Red really does mean stop.”
15. “It hurts when you stick the flowers in the ground.”
16. “Who in the world thought I wanted pink satin up in this mess?”
17. “Did you delete my browser history like we agreed?”
18. “Don’t pick door number three. Trust me.”
19. “Anne Rice got a few things wrong.”
20. “Vodka and a game of Twister. Enough said.”
21. “Should have gone with the cash option on that lottery ticket.”
22. “My son stepped on a crack…”
23. “Most accidents really do occur in the home.”
24. “Damn waterbed.”
25. “Oh, what a relief it is.”
26. “I told you I didn’t need the extended warranty.”
27. “Gas bubble, my ass.”
28. “Disappointed in my will, were you? Good.”
29. “Does my butt look big in this?”
30. “I’d like a do-over, please.”
31. “Flew like an eagle. To the sea.”
32. “I guess you found out that I lied about working late that night.”
33. “I guess I shouldn’t have had so many chili dogs”
34. “The number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”
35. “Wouldn’t it have been easier to just divorce me? Geez.”
36. “Why did you put all that crap in my casket? This is not a piñata.”
37. “Turns out it doesn’t really matter if you’re wearing clean underwear or not.”
38. “Did you really think that was an appropriate outfit to wear at my funeral? Girl, please.”
39. “But I still have crops to harvest in Farmville!”
40. “Does this come with fries?”
41. “Looks like that one child can start to carry on, carry on.”
42. “Douglas Adams was right. It’s 42.”
43. “Cuidado! Piso mojado.”
44. “Where are my pants?”
45. “One million two hundred seventy thousand beers on the wall…”
46. “Room for rent. Inquire within. No pets.”
47. “I should have said yes more than I said no.”
48. “Yes, I ordered the pizza. There’s some money in the flower pot on the right.”
49. “Hey! What’s down THAT road?”
50. “Better luck next time. See ya soon.”
Previously published, perhaps more times than it should have been.
Story behind the story: Many moons ago, my bestie Tiffany and I ingested a few Reese’s dark-chocolate peanut butter cups whilst sitting in the workplace and waiting for some type of validation in our lives. Sugar-levels elevated, loopiness ensued, and we envisioned interesting headstones one might encounter in a cemetery. The list has changed over the years (humor definitely has a shelf life), and the above is the latest reincarnation.
Story behind the photo: This is yet another shot from our excursion to the Alcazaba de Malaga. I like how it appears to be religious, but isn’t necessarily so, and it therefore gives a nod to the variety of belief systems out there. None of us knows exactly what is going to happen. All the more reason to seize the days before we can no longer seize them…
Categories: Humor
Bonnywood Manor 
Tombstone? Tombstone?! TOMBSTONE?!?!? I TOLD you I wanted the Flame-out option!
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Ah, those pesky relatives, continually insisting on making decisions in our lives even when we don’t have one…
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Not urning my place on some mantlepiece- I’ll be turning in me grave.
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“Turns out it doesn’t really matter if you’re wearing clean underwear or not.” Non- gas bubbles can have that effect. 😉
Hilarious, Brian. 😀
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Thanks, Lynette. I haven’t yet decided on my own final words, but I hope that they are witty, with that one bit that makes you have something in your eye, just like the Bonnywood stories… 😉
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😀😀 “No parking on the dance floor”👌
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Apparently one needs to keep moving or there are consequences… 😉
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Well said, Brian.
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so good
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Thanks, Beth!
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Great ideas Brian. Must save them to be used later
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Hopefully you won’t need to use one for quite a long time… 😉
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Haha! Even if I die today, I doubt I’d have much say in it. They do things differently here. 😂
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Definitely, number eleven. But, I don’t hold a monopoly on opinions…
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Ba dump bump. And I’m holding the full deed to Boardwalk, with four hotels, so pay up, Witty Man… 😉
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I’m loving number 38. Being dissed by the dearly departed is pure gold.
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Trust, if it turns out that there’s a way for me to seek retribution after my departure, I will be ALL over it… 😉
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I look forward to reports of your ghostly vengeance…
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Did the son really step on a crack!!!????
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You know how those naughty boys are, stomping around without any regard for protocol…
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Chuckling more with each one read. What the mind can conjure up on a good sugar rush.
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Yes, those sugar highs can lead to intense creativity. Of course, there’s the disappointment when the sugar fades. One hour later, we were both snoring in our office chairs and missed an important conference call… 😉
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ooopsy she says as she looks over her shoulder to make sure no one is around to point fingers and tell on another who has done similar..
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Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
How many times have I wished I hadn’t passed Go – because I never got to collect the $200.
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And such is life, for many of us. We work hard to make another circuit, but when we get to the turnstile, nobody knows where our check might be. And there we go shufflin’ around the bend again…
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Proof positive that there is a correlation between sugar and humour. Might have to add some more to my diet.
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And the best sugar is found in some cocktails, yes? Two of my favorite lovers, in one swell swill… 😉
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Cheers!
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So many tasty tidbits. I have no idea what might be put on my gravestone (if there are actual burials when I die, the way things are going who knows what will be allowed), but it better mention dogs somewhere. Yep.
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Even though it sounds morbid, I do reflect, from time to time, on what I might like on my gravestone, should I have one. (I really haven’t decided on my exit plans, so who knows.) Me, the man who regularly uses 400 words when other folks could sum it up in 10, can’t think of a pithy farewell. Go figure.
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Ditto. I really liked the one about being buried upside down so the world could kiss my a$$, but I doubt my sobersides relatives would actually do it. I suppose, because they are expensive, to have one made up prior to dropping off the perch, would be the wiser thing to do. Store in the garage until it’s needed. 😝
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13. ….but don’t take that one last chance I took.
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In my case, chances are that I won’t take a chance I should have and that’s why my ass ends up in the ground. I dream big, but I’m very measured with my actual actions, always a conundrum…
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Hahah these are brilliant. No 26 – “I told you I didn’t need the extended warranty” I don’t know why but that really cracked me up 😆
I’m just going for “I told you I was sick” on my grave, which now seems way too boring!
Caz x
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I’m the same way. Some throwaway line in a post or story or what-have-you will just set me off. But hey, you find your fun where you can and then you carry on…
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42 is awesome!
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I love me some Douglass Adams. And I love me some Douglass Adam lovers. High five for the connection!
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❤
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🙂
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