Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #184


Contestant on the Left: “I really think I’m going to win this beauty pageant. I have the longest fake curls, I placed a discreet tiara on my head as a subliminal message, and I bravely chose to wear dark stockings instead of the standard virginal-white. Like anybody up in this place hasn’t broken the seal on the honeypot.”

Contestant in the Middle: “I am so screwed. First, I apparently didn’t get the memo that the fashion theme is “skyscraper”, so there’s going to be some fallout with that. I don’t know what’s going on with my hair. I got the curls right, but the rest of it looks like a gremlin is snacking on my skull. And I guess I got carried away with bleaching my stockings, because my legs look like a photo-shop experiment that went horribly wrong. Are those stalactites coming out of my ass?”

Contestant on the Right: “What was the question? Wait, how come I don’t have a number? Wait, what are we doing? Hey, I have spiders on my shoes. Yay! Wait, what was the question?”

Contestant on the Far Right: “People like those three are one of the many reasons why I drink.”



Note: This is part of an on-going experiment at Bonnywood. Details found here.


11 replies »

  1. The contestant in the middle did miss the memo about checks being this season’s “IN” couture. She was busy elsewhere, trying to find her wig (which is why it’s maladjusted see?) and in the search for wigs, left her hose soaking in the bleach solution for far too long. She decided to market the look, calling it “Snow Blind” which is pretty darned accurate. Everyone else in the room (including the cameoed David Bowie) snickered at the girl with the white legs (it’s after Labor Day girls, didn’t you get THAT memo? That first woman did.apparently). Stealthily Margo photobombed the shoot, but only got half her rather wide face in the shot. Which is why her one evident eye looks shifty. She’s eyeballing the photographer to see if he recognizes her and will call the cops to oust her again. It’s not easy being different..

    Liked by 2 people

    • Meanwhile, Madge, the overlooked-until-this-point Kewpie Doll on the back wall has been silently plotting to win this pageant, come what may. Her plan is a bit undeveloped, some mess involving a poisonous South American snake and a jar of crunchy peanut butter. But she is DETERMINED, especially after that last pageant where she slept with all the wrong people and had to visit the free clinic three times…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hold up. I have a lovely garden-trellis frock that always garners rave reviews whenever I wear it, especially in settings where there has been enough drinking that folks don’t know a garden trellis from a Sudoku game…

      Liked by 1 person

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