Humor

20 Fun Things to Say to Your Partner Just to Be Annoying


1. “Is there a particular reason why you can’t unload the dishwasher? Is it a religious issue?”

2. “That button on the DVR remote that says ‘Delete All’? What happens if you accidentally push that? And what happens if I’m the one who pushed it?”

3. “You think it’s okay that the Christmas boxes are still stacked in the den? Let’s put you in the attic and see how you feel about things being in the wrong place for 11 months of the year.”

4. “I hung up on your boss. Never liked him. Too whiny.”

5. “Can I borrow that book you read? You know, the one that told you it was okay to pick all the meat off the leftover pizza and then shove it back in the refrigerator? That one.”

6. “Is there a particular reason why you have so many password-protected files on your laptop that you think I don’t know about?”

7. “You do realize that the people on ‘Survivor’ can’t hear you, right?”

8. “What was the name of that restaurant we ate at that one time where they had breadsticks?”

9. “Do you think pudding has feelings?”

10. “I’m taking the kids back to the store. I don’t think these are the ones we ordered. Especially that new one. She really has an attitude.”

11. “I don’t understand why you don’t understand that leaving all of your crap scattered across the bathroom counter does not strengthen our relationship.”

12. “What’s a word that rhymes with ‘orange’?”

13. “The hard drive was getting full on our computer, so I had to delete some boring pictures. You remember what your family members look like, right?”

14. “I wrote a poem about our relationship. Want to hear it?”

15. “No, really, do you want to hear it? Wait, why are you crying?”

16. “You know I love you. But can we have a discussion about your toenails? Were you planning to spear-fish your dinner?”

17. “Is this a good time to talk about my total dissatisfaction with your mother?”

18. “You know that little whimpering noise you make when you want to have sex? It’s not as cute as you think it is.”

19. “I might have done something that won’t get me any likes on Facebook.”

20. “Would it be possible for you to sneeze in a way that doesn’t sound like a cow exploded?”


Previously published. Considerably revised for this post, especially the second half where I was apparently winging it without any degree of skill, and many of the older items hit the recycle bin. And yes, I realize this one is a bit mean-girlish, but life is just messy sometimes…


63 replies »

  1. I knew a girl once who when she sneezed it sounded as if someone just stepped on a kitten. Total waste of a good sneeze. I’m now kinda bummed to not be in a relationship that I can use any of these…but now the toenail spearfishing one is the fodder for nightmares.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Anonymous is me Rebecca Revels by the way.. not understanding wordpress, it shows me logged in and acts as if I’m not. Then it tells me that my email is in use by another Rebecca..I feel trapped in some twilight zone nightmare..

    Liked by 3 people

    • That happens from time to time on this blog, with folks who have been chatting away in the comments for years suddenly showing up as Anonymous, then it goes away just as mysteriously. I can’t figure it out..

      Like

  3. I come from a long line of very indelicate sneezers. We’re lucky if we keep our shoes on and our teeth attached to their gums, so any relationship with me means that you have to accept a life punctuated by the odd geographically confined windstorm.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Oh, trust, I’m one of those shocking windstorms. If I feel a sneeze coming and I have enough time, I’ll leave whatever building I’m in and wait for the echoes to round the valley before I make another appearance…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Yep. Those are annoying. And while a person might be able to get away with one or two of them in a day and be perceived as cute or witty, any three of them on the same day are sure to reach critical mass and leave an ugly scorch mark in the carpeting. J.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Love all of it, except I didn’t get 8 and 9. It is not easy living with another person, which really puzzles me since we are social animals and we should love to live in a group setting. Probably we love to live in a group setting with certain distancing so that we can appear our best to each other.

    Liked by 3 people

    • #8 and #9 were thrown in purely for the annoyance factor, with no real substance behind them. And while I do agree that most people are social animals, I find that I’m very content when I’m completely alone for long periods of time. I would be just fine on an otherwise deserted island, with a boat of friends and family arriving every month or so for a weekend of interaction, and then they leave again… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Luckily, Partner and I have no qualms about eating off each other’s plate when we spy something interesting. Of course, I have a much more varied palate than Partner, so there are often times when he wouldn’t dream of touching what’s on my plate, let alone put it in his mouth, so I usually end up with more food than he does… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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