Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #359

Gunnar, left: “Okay, help me understand why you’re acting this way.”

Eva, right: “You couldn’t possibly grasp my needs. You’re a man, I’m a woman. Different worlds.”

Gunnar: “Really? So my ownership of a penis precludes me from any value in this relationship?”

Eva: “Essentially. You willfully choose not to understand my needs and desires.”

Gunnar: “I didn’t choose anything. I simply walked into the room and found you standing here, truculent. By the way, are you aware that you’re wearing a tiara of some sort, a bit of headgear that was never mentioned during our courtship or the pre-nup that we both signed?”

Eva: “Oh, you’re a fine one to talk about what might be going on with one’s head. Why do you do that with your hair? It looks like you’re heading out for cocktails with Hannibal Lecter.”

Gunnar: “But I always wear my hair like this. You can’t expect me to change now.”

Eva: “Why not? I’ve certainly changed for you.”

Gunnar: “Not that I’ve noticed. You’re still just as exasperating as the day I met you at the debutante ball two years ago.”

Eva: “That’s precisely what I mean, the not noticing. We met long before then, at summer camp.”

Gunnar: “Summer camp? Look, I’m sure you have a point, so could we get directly to what that might be without all the melodrama? I’m late for a meeting.”

Eva, taking a drag off the small cigar that we hadn’t really noticed until now: “Fine. Just so you’ll stop being so obtuse, I’ll tell you the whole story. Once upon a time, many years ago, in a small village outside of Bjorkville, there was a little boy who dreamed of being a princess. His name was Evan.”

Gunnar paused briefly and then pulled his phone out of his pocket, punching a number: “Hello, Hannibal? Something’s come up. Can we reschedule for tomorrow night? Oh, and that thing you were sure about and I swore it wasn’t true? I owe you five bucks.” 

Previously published, mildly modified.

31 replies »

  1. I think Eva might have a better understanding on those equiped with the exterior equipment than on first viewing. Nevertheless Sigmund would have an entire chapter devoted to anyone who’s gloved up to just hold a cheroot.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh, I’m sure Sigmund would be pontificating away, in his incessant and meandering manner. (It’s really all about me, in the end. Swear!) But in this day and age? We should all be gloved up before we touch anything. Including our own exterior equipment, even if it’s not there anymore…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. A few drinks, a couple sing alongs of “I Feel Pretty” and things should look brighter.

    Or maybe they should just get a different director and lighting crew🤷🏼‍♀️ switch the cheroot for a long cigarette holder a la Holly Golightly, and things might be more cheerful.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Eva, her ‘cat’ senses alert (juding by how the ridge of ‘hair’ stood up on her crown *snicker* , took a leisurely drag off her new vaping kit thingie. (I don’t vape and I have no idea what the hell they call those ‘suck on it’ sticks) . Gunnar, in a rare moment of altruism, stopped to remark on how elaborate it looked. Eva looked at him a bit mournfully, her ‘comb’ diminishing slightly as she saw her frienemy of long standing, coughed discreetly and asked “How do you USE this thing? I’ve used a hookah before, but this thing is far more complicated. Be a dear and run down to whatever corner store is safe, now that William Shatner has gone to space, and buy me some menthols. You know the ones I like! While you’re there I’ll try to deal with my hair faux pas. That alert system needs some substantial tweakage, as my razor sharp comb might have put your eye out.” Gunnar, stunned by the deadly points, gleaming in the subdued lighting, agreed immediately.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gunnar: “But before I go, I do have one question.”

      Eva/Evan: “Of course you do. Although it would have been nice if you had asked questions before the betrothal. I wouldn’t have simmered in dissatisfaction for so long.”

      Gunnar: “What was it about me that captured your eye at that summer camp, so long ago?

      Eva: “It certainly wasn’t your hair.”

      Gunnar: “I think we’ve established that, so let’s move beyond, shall we?”

      Eva: “Right. Well, it was that lovely poem you composed and then shared around the campfire.”

      Gunnar: “Poem? I’ve never composed a poem in my entire life. I think my hairdo makes that clear.”

      Eva: “Oh. Well, then who was it that did the reading?”

      Gunnar: “Perhaps my brother? The one that’s a poet?”

      Eva: “Wait, are you telling me that I made life changes for the wrong man?”

      Gunnar: “I’m not telling you anything. But, yes.”

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I thought it was part of the circular assemblage – some sort of steampunk vape device. I now realize you have secretly posted a cigar-smoke-punk photo to get us on the wrong scent. Well done! The tiara must be thought radio transmitting by way of cigar smoke. How in genius.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You, sir, are a master of the twisted ending. Also, I am also interested in knowing Gunnar’s previous roles. Surely that hairstyle was used in multiple films? I mean, why wasted a *gulp* good thing? 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ll have to research on IMDb to assess all the movie credits for this hairstyle, so I don’t have an exact number at this moment. But I do know that said hairstyle made multiple appearances during my high-school career, so much so that I assumed there was some type of cult brewing, one that should stay far away from, and I did…

      Liked by 1 person

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