That wicked crafting tool makes another appearance…
Theresa: “Okay, I finally finished up on this homemade valentine that you insisted I make for your husband and… are you even listening to me?”
Marlene: “Of course I’m listening to you, darling, I’m just not looking at you.”
Theresa: “You don’t think that’s rude? I spent all day working on this thing and I burned my ass twice with that dang glue gun. Why can’t you even look at me?”
Marlene: “Well, I initially turned away because I didn’t want to lose an eye to that exuberant headgear you’re wearing. And now I can’t turn back because I just spotted my husband doing something unworthy of a valentine.”
Theresa: “He’s always doing something unworthy. What is it this time?”
Marlene: “He’s on the back patio with the gardener.”
Theresa: “That doesn’t seem to so bad. There are some bushes around this house that could use a trim.”
Marlene: “They’re both naked.”
Theresa: “Oh. Well, that happens all the time. Wait. I thought you knew that your husband only married you for your money.”
Marlene: “It hadn’t actually crossed my mind. But it certainly has now. I guess I won’t be needing that valentine anymore. So sorry you went to all the trouble.”
Theresa: “Fine. I’ll go throw it in the trash, along with my hopes and dreams. And I’m sorry you didn’t know that Hugo played for the other team. I actually feel a little bit bad about hating you for being so bitter and mean all the time.”
Marlene: “I suppose I have been a bit surly. But surely you understand that it’s been rather unsatisfying waiting five years to consummate my wedding day.”
Theresa: “Hold up, girl. Five years? And it didn’t cross your mind?”
Marlene: “I just thought he was a slow learner.”
Theresa: “Honey, that’s just sad in all kinds of ways. Now I really feel bad. Maybe you shouldn’t eat those bonbons I made this afternoon.”
Marlene: “But I need some comfort food. This is a very trying time.”
Theresa: “Yeah, well, I put Ex-Lax in them after the second time I burned my ass with the glue gun.”
Previously published, tiny changes. Thanks to haoyando for triggering my memory of this story in the archives…
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
Oh, well. I can’t imagine Marlene would wait 5 years for anything!
Cheers
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, there was a bit of poetic license on my part concerning Marlene’s patience. In real life, she would have left the night of the marriage and never looked back… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe the bonbons can make their way to husband.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Eventually, they always do…
LikeLike
I really enjoyed the suspense. It’s a snappy post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Eunice!
LikeLike
You are welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Five years does seem a trifle excessive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was a slower pace of life back in the day… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Which is usually a good thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, give hubby the bonbons.
LikeLiked by 2 people
But does he really have time to eat them? Oh, wait, I guess he does… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think somewhere a MastoDon is looking for his heart…
– well, you see where this is going, Right?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I see it, I heartily approve of the destination, and I offer you my kudos as a traveling companion…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with Peggy. There’s no dump like a spiked bon-bon dump. 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Personally, I think the careful administration of spiked candy would solve a lot of the world’s problems…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Theresa’s name might have been Shirley. Too many puns so you’re still the master- thank you for the laugh.
Marlene’s just a tight ass dummy. She couldn’t see that coming around the nut house if she caught him with a 5 gallon drum of Gun Oil.
LikeLiked by 1 person
To be fair, in my younger, clueless days, I also would look the other way when I suspected something was not quite right with my current paramour, waiting in vain for any scrap of attention. Then again, I didn’t have the money that Marlene did and couldn’t afford any life-changing therapy. So I guess it’s still all on Marlene, in the end. Not that she was getting any there, so to speak… 😉
LikeLike
It might not have crossed her MIND, but I BET her legs were tired from being crossed. A girl (well…woman) can only take so much anticipation. I suspect that gardener cleaned up both ways! Women are always a sucker
( 😆 ) for muscle bound men with pointy instruments, who smell vaguely of good honest sweat, a touch of gun oil and some desperation. I bet he was very well compensated too..
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you’re right, with the gardener cleaning up in numerous ways. (Maybe that’s why Theresa’s headgear is so perky? (She done took some “special” breaks here and there, and there was no crossing involved, no sir.) Perhaps the best way to survive being the hired help is to bang a gong whenever possible…
LikeLike
I myself have burned my ass with a glue gun on several occasions so I understand why Theresa is so bitter!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Been there, felt that. And yes, it can lead to a life of bitterness and the tossing aside of giant hearts…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Even aloe doesn’t help that burn😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Marlene is a patient girl, that’s for sure.
I wasn’t going to admit this, but I feel safe here…. I thought Marlene was Lucille Ball. I feel like I lost serious movie cred with that admission, but there it is.
Side note, I’m certain Lucille Ball would not be so patient.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, one has to ask: Were Marlene and Lucille ever seen in the same room together? I don’t recall such, so you might be on to something with this Michael/Janet Jackson angle. I’ll see what I can dig up…
And yes, you are always safe here. And warmly welcomed…
LikeLiked by 1 person