Producer: “I just want to know what drugs you were taking when you came up with this promo shot. Because I want to make sure that I never take them myself.”
PR Consultant: “But, isn’t this movie about a lost Italian princess who falls in love with Frosty the Snowman?”
Producer: “Well, yes, Fire and Ice is about a forbidden dalliance between a disinherited heiress and a three-balled man, but this shot does not say that. This shot says Hannibal Lecter is on the loose in the Himalayas.”
PR Consultant: “Hannibal? Didn’t he do something with elephants?”
Producer: “Not that Hannibal. This Hannibal does something with corpses and fava beans. It doesn’t matter, as you won’t read about him for another 50 years. It’s just that I can see the future. And in your future, I’m seeing unemployment unless you can come up with something drastically better than what appears to be Joan Crawford in snowman drag violating a cast member from The Real Wives of Tibet.”
PR Consultant: “Okay. I’ll have something new for you in the morning. It will have to be something new, because Joan has already started making her next film, Whatever Happened to My Estrogen?, and she’s unavailable.”
Producer: “It’s probably a good thing that she has moved on. Now get out of my office before my mood stabilizers start to thin. Oh, and one more thing…”
PR Consultant: “Aw hell.”
Producer: “What you show me in the morning better not include the wretched hat that the Dorothy character is wearing. Life is too short to have to look at something like that twice.”
PR Consultant: “But Dorothy wears that hat in a very critical scene in the movie, when she finds out that her beloved is frigid in more ways than one.”
Producer: “I don’t care and I control the money. The fuzzy dangle-bob beret has to go. Speaking of dangling Bobs, the director should hit the door as well. Why don’t you give him the good news on your way out?”
PR Consultant: “But…”
Producer: “Did I mention that I control the money?”
PR Consultant: “Got it. I’ll send him a text and then block him.”
Producer: “You just might have a future at Warning Brothers after all.”
Previously published, mildly manipulated. And yes, I realize there are many more unsettling aspects about this creepy photo that I failed to mention. (What IS that thing on Joan Snowford’s head?) But there’s only so much time in the day and sometimes we just have to move on…
Categories: Past Imperfect
Bonnywood Manor 
Look, that rather alarming snow-beast did not come from up here. Our snow people look like people (a lot of the time, they ARE people, since falling down and becoming doused in snow is a common occurrence). That thing looks like the Pillsbury corpse-boy.
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Good point. Wait, you seem rather determined to deflect scrutiny away from your environs. What does your effort tell us? Perhaps my investigative team should dig in a new direction. Do you happen to have an alibi for your whereabouts on the night this photo shoot took place? Text me.
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I don’t need an alibi. After all, I am the incarnation of Deflector Donnie, the Sayer of Sooth. 😉
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Luckily it is a still photo and not a video.
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Moving images would have been too extreme, causing chaos and mistrust. Wait, maybe I’m confusing this mess with political elections. I’ll get back to you…
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Remind me not to build a snowman.
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Oh, come on. You know you would build a snowman, if given the chance. Of course, post-building, you would probably cook the startled snowman for dinner, using an ancient recipe you discovered during your time in Syria. But that’s another matter entirely, of course…
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Frosty the Snowman? That thing looks like a polar bear on Meth. Run!!!
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😆
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Actually, that thing looks I would like upon discovering that Partner had ill-advisedly deleted something I wanted to watch on the DVR….
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As Rivergirl put it so eloquently, there’s nothing much for me to say (like that ever stopped me). I will say that whatever that thing is that’s trying to grope the frigid in the future Ms. Crawford (Snowford? Clever), it’s lucky to have gotten within fifteen yards of a human. That thing would provide nightmares for the most cynical child or grownup or hell anybody… save the REAL Hannibal Lecter perhaps. Fava beans? I don’t remember those… but I have tried, semi-successfully too, to erase all evidence of ever having heard of “Silence of the Lambs” and all that mess. I have enough gore in my psyche without adding that kind of stuff.
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I’ll agree that this is, perhaps, one of the most disturbing photos I have ever shared, even more shocking than the image of me in the eighth grade, all frizzy-haired and devoid of any clue about personal appearance. (In my defense, I was just happy to be alive and not a domestic-violence statistic.)
But “Silence of the Lambs”? The movie was disturbing enough, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the nightmares the book invoked in me. The author, Thomas Harris, took us so deep into the mind of a psychotic that we didn’t know if we would ever make our way out of there…
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I actually read two of that guy’s books – “Silence” and “Red Dragon”. Red Dragon was, in some ways, worse than “Silence.” I do NOT recommend it. And you’re right. How far into the mind of a psychotic can a person go without becoming psychotic themselves? Creepy author….
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This makes me very happy that we rarely have snow and even more rare to have enough to create any sort of snow creature. After seeing this though, if we DO happen to have any of the frozen stuff this will be the first image that pops up in my head..
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I’m right there with you. This photo is SO off-putting that it makes us question anything we may have ever enjoyed concerning winter weather. I just can’t fathom what “they” were thinking when they deemed the photo worthy of release…
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But then again, have you seen photos of the original Mickey and Minnie Mouse?
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Fair enough. The original M&M creations showed them in a rather unsavory light…
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And yet, just like with that snowman, someone thought it was a good idea and look..
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I googled “Joan Snowford” and she really exists. Otherwise, I would have thought you did that photo yourself–I mean hire an actress and a photographer. Is that snowman or a man in white fluffy outfit?
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Wait, “Joan Snowford” is an actual person? I was just being whimsical with the names in my little story. Perhaps I should consider a career change and become a psychic? No, that sounds like too much work.
As for who actually created the photo, I’ll have to speak with my lawyer before I reveal anything. I’ll get back to you… 😉
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The way Frosty is cozying up to Joan? Brrr: He doesn’t have a snowballs chance in hell.
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Now, now. We’re all guilty of cozying up to something when we shouldn’t, especially after an exuberant Happy Hour at the local pub. These things happen… 😉
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What in Gay Hell????🤦🏼♀️
I… ummm… nope… 🤷🏼♀️
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It does seem a bit much. Then again, aren’t we all, at one time or another… 😉
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I liked him better when he was menacing Rudolph and Herbie…
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Well, damn. Now I have to seek out watch that Christmas special, this time imagining Joan Crawford in the mix. I’m sure it will change the entire story…
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