Humor

25 More Redneck Valentine Greeting Card Sayings


“I ain’t never met someone done made me ring the cowbell like you.”


“Thank you for standin’ up for me after we broke Momma’s waterbed.”


“I thought of you the other day when I was plowin’ the cornfield.”


“I know I got me a good woman when she don’t fall off the hay bale at the wrong time.”


“I love you more than cornbread dipped in buttermilk.”


“I sure would like to be the fried chicken at your church picnic.”


“None of my bull-ridin’ trophies are better than the ride I have with you.”


“Sorry about that thing with your sister. I didn’t know y’all wore the same kinda nightgown.”


“I don’t care what Preacher Eustace says. Ain’t nuthin’ wrong with two bulls sharin’ a stall.”


“I wanna dip my fried green tomato in the same sauce as you.”


“I still remember the day we met, when both our daddies got arrested and there you was, sittin’ in the waitin’ room at the police station, poppin’ your gum like you owned the place.”


“It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry. Especially when I’m not. Still, wanna get hitched?”


“Girl, you know it’s true when I remember your name the next morning.”


“That dent in the other side of the mattress sure is empty when you ain’t fillin’ it.”


“Please come to Amarillo for the springtime.”


“Near, far, wherever you are, I’ll track you down with my hound dogs.”


“How am I supposed to live without your peach cobbler?”


“You’re the one that I want. Unless there’s a barn dance on a Saturday night.”


“I never knew true love until I figured out you wasn’t wearin’ panties when you was singin’ in the gospel choir. I guess that fresh air helped you hit those high notes.”


“I ain’t no good with words. I just know I can’t breathe when I see you.”


“You’re the best egg I ever found in the hen house. I wanna be your rooster.”


“I don’t care if you got 46 kids. I gotta be kin to some of ‘em. We’ll work it out.”


“You make me feel better about all the things I feel bad about doing.”


“I never knew how much fun we could have mucking the horse stalls.”

“At the end of the day, when the cows stop mooing and drunk daddy finally goes to bed, you are the stars that fill my sky.”



Note: The previous 25 sayings can be found here, should you relish more.

Cheers.

P.S. Yes, I know I got a bit over-exuberant with the trivial song references, but these things happen on a starry night…


43 replies »

    • A “green” tomato is actually a regular one that hasn’t yet ripened into red. To me, they are more crisp and firm, and they taste a little more tart than ripened tomatoes. Fried green tomatoes are quite popular in the southern United States, which is why I mentioned them in this piece. (Recipes vary, but the general process is to thickly-slice the green tomato, coat the slices in cornmeal, salt, and pepper, and then shallow fry them in bacon grease until golden brown.) I love them, especially when they are paired with a somewhat spicy remoulade sauce, although some folks prefer a ranch dressing, instead. I will admit that it’s an acquired taste that doesn’t appeal to everyone.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. What sweet Southern ding-a-ling- ahem, Southern Belle could say ‘no’ to such entreaties? Can we toss another into the seething cotillion?’ ‘Gee, Evangaline-Elvira-Claretta-Congolia-June-Ellie-Mae, ya’ll wanna steal down and meet me by the still in th’ night?’

    Liked by 3 people

    • I happily accept your contribution to the seething cotillion. (Best long-ass name component? Congolia.) I actually wanted to work a “still” reference into the mix, but I had already done that in the previous collection of 25 sayings and I didn’t want to repeat myself. Says the unfocused writer who will re-share the same post until outraged readers claw at their face and hurl their antebellum, hoop-skirted asses in front of a steam-engine locomotive just to stop the madness… 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This is my fave: “I still remember the day we met, when both our daddies got arrested and there you was, sittin’ in the waitin’ room at the police station, poppin’ your gum like you owned the place.” Such few words, but still a vivid portrait of the gum-chewer being all defiant.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. These are hilarious, Brian.

    “I still remember the day we met, when both our daddies got arrested and there you was, sittin’ in the waitin’ room at the police station, poppin’ your gum like you owned the place.”

    That is soooo romantic.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.