Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #555

Betty was a bit concerned.

She could hear the folks outside her dressing room, babbling about the thing that someone had done to the actress in the other dressing room. Betty was fully aware of the thing, because she had done it. But she thought she had done it with a rather admirable degree of slyness and skill, diverting suspicion whilst simultaneously establishing a concrete alibi that her fans would completely believe even though it was completely not true. She listened more closely, assessing the exit poll.

Gertie: “And the thing exploded almost immediately.”

Lottie: “Even though the thing had never exploded before?”

Gertie: “That’s the kicker. Countless people have done the very same thing in the past, but there were never any explosions.”

Lottie: “It just seems so odd, doesn’t it? How is it that doing this thing never mattered to anyone in the past but doing it now would lead to an explosion?”

Gertie: “It’s almost as if somebody decided to make something out of nothing and now everybody is offended by the nothing that didn’t bother them before.”

Lottie: “Well, I suppose it’s just one of those things. Someone’s promising career is suddenly in jeopardy because someone else doesn’t play fair and causes an explosion that doesn’t have any actual gunpowder behind it.”

Gertie: “This sounds so much like the current state of American politics. Well, at least one side of it.”

Lottie: “Right? It’s pathetic. Anyway, have any idea who might have done it?”

Gertie: “Well, some of the chorus boys are saying that it must be Betty. But surely Betty wouldn’t do it. She just wants to make America dance again.”

Lottie: “And what do the chorus boys know? They’re just mad because they didn’t get selected to star in the show.”

Gertie: “Exactly. Sour grapes. Speaking of, what are you doing for lunch? Should we go to Kim Jong Un’s for sushi?”

Lottie: “Sounds splendid! I’ll drive.”

Betty smiled complacently. The carefully-plotted, nefarious pieces were falling into place. She hoisted her cup of Benghazi Tea and took another sip…  

Previously published. No changes made, as fake Republican patriots are still setting off fake explosions to cover the fact that their fake emperor has no clothes. (Unless you count a diaper.) On a lighter note, I realize that this post should be a “Sunday in the Park” installment, if I want to stay regular with such things, and I really am trying to do so, but we went to Ikea today. And you know how that goes. We walked for hours through the endless maze of clever things that you don’t really need and suddenly it was very late and there was no time to compose a fresh “Sunday” and, yeah, I’m pulling from the archives tonight. Maybe tomorrow?

23 replies »

    • Yes, IKEA can suck the life out of your checking account, pronto. So many intriguing little contraptions that allure you with their novelty and not necessarily their necessity.

      As for Diaper Boy, I’m thinking he already developed something a long time ago that was never diagnosed when it really SHOULD have been…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. No worries… Bonnywood accepts all forms of expression as long they are filled with love and/or snark. Mislabeled things are never misplaced… Ikea and too many margaritas are valid reasons for things not being perfectly set. So is being a real, caring person…

    It wasn’t a re-used, mislabeled post… it was an exercise in free expression and brain-fog laziness😉 It’s the Bonnywood Way… or is that just me?

    Have I been that weird cousin that everyone tolerates, but no one really wants to associate with?? 😱

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, since I’m also the weird cousin, you’re in good company. Or at least that’s what I tell myself…

      And yes, that IS the Bonnywood Way. Find something shoved to the back of the pantry, add some new ingredients that may or may not complement the suggested recipe, perhaps cook it a bit longer than recommended, and then serve it in a new bowl that I just got at IKEA so it won’t look quite the same as the last time I served it. All whilst drinking a margarita, of course… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Honestly, I really DID want to do something with that hunk of cheese, but I couldn’t quite find the right way. Which is rather remarkable, considering how much cheese I serve on a daily basis here at Bonnywood… 😉


  2. Betty is in the clear, she mistakenly went to the wrong dressing room, and her nefarious never exploded. Whatever happen in “the other” Other dressing room, it must have gone awry – or possibly scotch or vodka, definitely not ice wine. Perhaps it was the Marzipan shaped in one of those, um, forms intended for adult consumption – all it would have been needed was some Canadian Raspberry Liqueur(rated 100 on the Absinthe scale).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your analysis seems quite prescient, at first, but then we have to consider that Miss Scarlet was in the Observatory, clutching a wrench, whilst all of this was going on, coupled with the fact that the Sous Chef preparing the Craft Services table was named Marzipan. Taking THESE elements into consideration, it’s obvious that Betty is not so clear, especially since her beloved Pomeranian is named Tim Curry and said Pom was once arrested for defiling Meatloaf….

      Liked by 1 person

      • That was Carol Burnett as Scarlet in the Bob Mackie Observatory adjusting the drapery with a wrench. Marty Marian, better known by his stage name, The Amazing Marzipan, was about to pull the greatest live online stunt in history, by pulling the table cloth from that table to reveal the gravy stain matched the Shroud of Turin – going down in history as the Shroud of Tureen. To say nothing of the Dog would be novel, and entirely missing the gravy boat in the night – so just consider the barque.

        Liked by 1 person

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