Note: Taking a stab at a micro movie review…
Opening shots of young lovers wooing each other in that manner of wooing known as “I’m on vacation and I’ll probably never see you again”.
Credits roll, featuring the first of 74 top-ten hits from a soundtrack that will rule the universe for at least a year. Grease is the word! (Said tagline is immediately stolen by personal lubricant manufacturers across the planet.)
Scenes in high school, circa not now. Be an athletic supporter!
Extensively-choreographed segment with folks harmonizing about getting nookie on summer nights. Highlight: Danny Travolta doing that “oohhh” bit, the one part of the song that everybody remembers. (You know you make the sound when you hear the song on the radio. Don’t lie.)
The young lovers meet again.
Sandy: “I’m still tingly!”
Danny: “Who are you?”
Slumber party featuring grown women making poor choices. Brusha, brusha, brusha. Hey, let’s pierce our ears with a rusty dagger we found in the bathroom.
Sandy: “Look at me, I’m thirty-three!”
Big Dance in the Gym. Born to hand jive, baby.
Supposedly straight men work on a car whilst frolicking about and doing high kicks. (What’s up with the Saran wrap?)
Frenchy: “Boy, I sure did jack it up in my tinting class.” Frankie Avalon: “Go back to high school.” Worst advice, ever.
Rizzo gets pregnant and sings about it. Defective typewriter, much?
Danny gets confused about his feelings and warbles a tune whilst a mildy-pornographic advertisement for concession-stand hot dogs plays on the screen behind him at a drive-in theater.
Even more songs.
Something about a rivalry and pink slips and people driving cars really fast in a place that was not designed for cars to be driven really fast. The bad guy cheats, the good guy wins. It’s “Little House on the Prairie” with leather jackets and an open throttle. In more ways than one.
Sandy: “I know how to get my man back! I just need to change everything about me, have myself sewn into an outfit that might impair my fertility, and smoke a cigarette.”
Danny: “You go, girl!” (Cue Danny biting his fist and flopping on the ground in uncontrolled passion, because that has happened absolutely never in history.)
Big Graduation Carnival on the football field, where the students magically know all the choreography for a line dance that will never happen again. We go together, like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong. This obscure Swahili mantra causes everyone to pair up romantically with one another whilst clutching yearbooks, because relationships in high school always last, especially if Lorenzo Lamas is in the choir.
Danny and Sandy, reunited and it feels so retro, hop in a conveniently nearby car, one that inexplicably has the capability to fly. This anomaly does not stop any of the singing, but it does convince the producers to eventually greenlight an abysmal sequel, one featuring Michelle Pfeiffer and none of the charm of the original.
Original Ending Note: The opening photo is just a random thing that I used because I couldn’t find anything in my archives that was more appropriate. (To be fair, I only spent about three seconds poking around and quickly got over it, which reminds me of my college days.) Trivia: When I was 13, my mother went into labor with my youngest sister, a funfest that lasted 36 hours. As a distraction, one of my aunts took all of us young uns to see this movie whilst Mom hyperventilated and grunted and spontaneously spoke Swahili…
New Ending Note: Previously published, no changes made. I briefly flirted with this concept and format several years ago, but I only put out a handful of entries before I got distracted (no surprise, if you know me) and forgot all about it. I’m thinking of reviving this mess, but I’m not sure what movie to do next. It needs to be a flick that most people have seen at least once. Any suggestions? Please pontificate in the comments…