Humor

Communique from Cómpeta – #17


Pablo de Pato, left: “This must be one of the humans’ weapons of mass destruction.”

Ducky Bob, right: “People actually have those things? I thought WMDs were something that American presidents made up when they wanted to go to war with smaller nations just to boost their popularity rankings.”

Pablo: “No, they are very real. They used something like this during the Kumquat Massacre in 1987.”

Ducky Bob: “I’ve never heard of that. I think this is one of those times when you say crap just to say it, like those boring ducks at parties who get a bill full of vodka and then won’t shut up about going vegan or socialism or some stupid podcast that nobody else cares about.”

Pablo: “I’m telling you, this is a weapon. It smells of death and destruction.”

Ducky Bob: “It smells likes Reynaldo’s Casa de Hamburguesas.”

Pablo: “They are going to use this to destroy us.”

Ducky Bob: “I think they already used it. To make dinner.”

Pablo: “Why must you always argue? Why can’t you support me in this campaign to destroy the vacationing interlopers?”

Ducky Bob: “Why can’t you just take your medication like everybody keeps telling you to take it? It’s all over town, Pablo. Everybody knows about your demons. There’s no shame in chemical regulation.”

Pablo: “Those pills make me stupid.”

Ducky Bob: “Right, it’s the pills that are doing that. Uh huh.”

Pablo: “We must destroy the Death Contraption of Death.”

Ducky Bob: “And how are we going to do that? It’s about 500 times bigger than we are.”

Pablo: “I looked it up on the Internet. We’re going to need a lot of fertilizer and a tube of personal lubricant.”

Ducky Bob: “Um, are you sure about that? Something tells me you might have clicked on a few things you shouldn’t have. Like a pornography site for farmers.”

Suddenly, voices could be heard in the Villa behind them.

Pablo gasped. “The humans are coming! We must run and hide until we can acquire the fertilizer. I already have the lubricant.”

Ducky Bob: “Of course you already have it. And where do you propose that we hide? We’ve got roughly two seconds before someone wants to throw a shrimp on the barbie.”

Pablo: “Over there! On the yellow patio lounger where the humans slather themselves with coconut oil and baste themselves. We’ll blend right in.”

Ducky Bob: “I’m not so sure about that…”

Pablo: “Trust me. They’ll never see us.”

Ducky Bob: “Fine. Let’s do it. But for the record, this might not work out the way you think it’s going to work out if we choose this option. Just like the American elections.”

Pablo: “You need to shut up and sit still and don’t move. Just like too many American citizens do in those wretched elections.”

Ducky Bob: “I have a bad feeling about this…”



Previously published, slight changes made. For the record, this is part of a series of “Pablo and Ducky Bob” posts that I scribbled during our various vacations in southern Spain. (The overall story thread is a long and winding one, with things happening before and things happening after, but this seems like a decent-enough stand-alone.) I sense that it is my writerly duty to return to Spain, on a sacred mission to concoct further adventures of the Plastic Duo…


39 replies »

  1. I can find no reasonable explanation for two rubber duckies on a grill, ergo you must have placed them there for ironic commentary.
    Well done sir.
    ( The commentary, not the ducks. They should always be medium rare )

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yes, they were placed. These two little duckies have gone on all of our trips to Spain, except for the first one, as well as many other destinations. It’s amazing how many blog posts you can get out of slapping down a plastic animal in a scene where they don’t really belong. They have served me well, and I will make sure that they eventually have a comfortable retirement at the Happy Ducky Home for the Well-Travelled. They’ve earned it…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I also believe it is your writerly duty to return to Spain!
    To the Quillmobile, at once!

    Okay, take an Uber… whatever… just get your butt on a plane! Someone should travel so I can live vicariously thru them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am YEARNING to get back to Spain. After all, I have to start making arrangements for our side-by-side retirement homes that we’ve previously discussed. After you get King Ben comfortably launched into adulthood and I finally convince Partner to quit his job, we should be set for the next phase. We’re still on, right? I’ve already had the Bonnywood architect work on some initial blueprints for our villas… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • We seriously DO take them on vacation, everywhere, so much so that I often accidentally leave them in a zippered pocket of my suitcase instead of returning them to their designated space at Bonnywood. (I’m sure there has been some serious revenge plotted in that pocket.) In fact, I’m not sure where they are as we speak, so, um… be right back. I’d best go see what they’re up to…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was horrified when I saw the grill and the plastic ducks; I thought for sure they would quickly melt. I’m pleased to know that they survived the experience and they are well traveled. Obviously, I have missed their other adventures, which I’m sure could be combined into a tidy and pleasant book for leisurely summer reading. J.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I haven’t written any fresh stories of their adventures, as travel has obviously been limited since COVID. Still, there are a good twenty or so tales in the travel archives, and they have made random guest appearances on my regular posts. I’m sure you’ll hear from them again…. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • I would imagine that farmers have their own websites, since every other social group seems to have some. Of course, I haven’t gone looking for such, but I’m just assuming they are out there.

      Growing your own vegetables is a LOT of work, and you will probably spend more time and labor getting your little seedlings to fruition than you would by just going to the corner market. Unless you happen to own lots of farm land, in which case the profit margin is much better. (I’m not a farmer, but I grew up around farms, and bits of knowledge managed to seep into my brain.)

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are right. I can’t imagine myself being a farmer. LOL. Just a thought, considering the inflation. Today I suddenly realized that a bag of potato has risen 100% since a year ago. Well, I suddenly realize that you probably wrote something about farm land in one of your stories a while ago..

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.