Author Archives

Brian Lageose

Past Imperfect – #553

Some Woman That Is Not Lucy: “And here’s a bit of coffee that can work better than Viagra if you would just let go of your psychological speed bumps.” Desi: “Who the hell are you?” Not Lucy: “I come from the future. But don’t think about it too […]

Past Imperfect – #570

It was at this precise moment that Clara realized her lover had been cheating on her. It was the same moment when Charles first noticed that his lover sported an unnatural pallor that spoke of midnight resurrections and a possible guest appearance in an Anne Rice novel. One […]

Past Imperfect – #546

Tallulah Bankhead: “Dear God, would you look at me in these publicity shots? The stress fractures on my face are bad enough, but that claw-hand I’ve got going on is far too much. I really need to cut it back to one bottle of bourbon a day. John […]

Past Imperfect – #534

Myrna, left: “I haven’t the faintest idea what she’s talking about.” William, not so much left: “Nor do I. Perhaps she’s discussing stock options, with that bit about alternative arrangements.” Bartender, background: “I could clear up the confusion in two seconds, but you people haven’t won any awards […]

Past Imperfect – #511

Anna May: “I’m sorry, I was momentarily distracted by my own perkiness and I didn’t quite catch what you were saying. Could you repeat it, please?” Police Officer: “I said that you seem awfully chipper considering we just found the famous movie producer, Irving Hindenburg, floating in the […]

Past Imperfect – #510

Slenderina, left: “Oh, look! The Goodyear blimp is flying overhead and flashing a message, thanking us for representing a body image that most woman can never hope to achieve no matter how hard they try.” Low-Carb Barb: “Well, I suppose that’s sweet and all, but lately I’ve been […]

Past Imperfect – #566

Lucy: “Oh, look at this. There’s a huge pile of photographers over there, something you promised wouldn’t happen if we flew economy to Palm Springs Airport.” Desi: “Now, now, mi bambina. I can’t control everything. Don’t get so agitated. Sometimes I swear you’re more Latina than I am.” […]

Past Imperfect – #483

Cary: “There we go. Don’t you feel much better now that I’ve dried your hair?” Rita: “Actually, yes. Your fingers are manly but gentle, and you certainly know how to soak up moisture that doesn’t belong to you. But I do have one question.” Cary: “Ask away, and […]

Past Imperfect – #501

Momma, inside the house: “Lilah Jean, you get your fanny back in this house this instant and change into something decent.” Lilah Jean: “But Momma, I got this out of your closet.” Momma: “I’m perfectly aware of that, young lady. I’m the one that buried it in there […]