Author Archives

Brian Lageose

Past Imperfect – #546

Tallulah Bankhead: “Dear God, would you look at me in these publicity shots? The stress fractures on my face are bad enough, but that claw-hand I’ve got going on is far too much. I really need to cut it back to one bottle of bourbon a day. John […]

Past Imperfect – #534

Myrna, left: “I haven’t the faintest idea what she’s talking about.” William, not so much left: “Nor do I. Perhaps she’s discussing stock options, with that bit about alternative arrangements.” Bartender, background: “I could clear up the confusion in two seconds, but you people haven’t won any awards […]

Past Imperfect – #511

Anna May: “I’m sorry, I was momentarily distracted by my own perkiness and I didn’t quite catch what you were saying. Could you repeat it, please?” Police Officer: “I said that you seem awfully chipper considering we just found the famous movie producer, Irving Hindenburg, floating in the […]

Past Imperfect – #510

Slenderina, left: “Oh, look! The Goodyear blimp is flying overhead and flashing a message, thanking us for representing a body image that most woman can never hope to achieve no matter how hard they try.” Low-Carb Barb: “Well, I suppose that’s sweet and all, but lately I’ve been […]

Past Imperfect – #566

Lucy: “Oh, look at this. There’s a huge pile of photographers over there, something you promised wouldn’t happen if we flew economy to Palm Springs Airport.” Desi: “Now, now, mi bambina. I can’t control everything. Don’t get so agitated. Sometimes I swear you’re more Latina than I am.” […]

Past Imperfect – #483

Cary: “There we go. Don’t you feel much better now that I’ve dried your hair?” Rita: “Actually, yes. Your fingers are manly but gentle, and you certainly know how to soak up moisture that doesn’t belong to you. But I do have one question.” Cary: “Ask away, and […]

Past Imperfect – #501

Momma, inside the house: “Lilah Jean, you get your fanny back in this house this instant and change into something decent.” Lilah Jean: “But Momma, I got this out of your closet.” Momma: “I’m perfectly aware of that, young lady. I’m the one that buried it in there […]

Past Imperfect – #479

Edward, left: “The aroma of this cognac is delicious. How delightful of you to offer such a treat.” Josephine, center: “It doesn’t smell like poison at all, does it?” Jean, right: “Josie, you fool. He’s going to get suspicious if you keep talking like that.” Edward: “Actually, I’m […]

Past Imperfect – #451

Cary: “You know, there are rumors about me being gay, especially when it comes to playing slap and tickle with a certain roommate I had back in the day.” Jimmy: “Well, there are rumors about me refusing to play slap and tickle with certain socialites with far too […]