Author Archives

Brian Lageose

Past Imperfect – #572

Barbara: “My goodness, Mr. Fonda, you seem to be clutching my hand with lusty intention. Was it something I said?” Henry: “Well, no. It’s not what you’re saying. It’s what you’re wearing.” Barbara: “Oh, this little number? It’s merely something I threw together at the last minute. The […]

Past Imperfect – #173

Virginia: “Why didn’t you take the trash out like I asked you to do?” Robert: “Why are you asking me this right now? I’m in the middle of a dramatic profile shot that will make me look naughty but sexy.” Virginia: “So it’s all about you, once again.” […]

Past Imperfect – #552

George: “I’m so happy to finally have you in my arms.” Janet: “Oh, is that what you’re calling these things that are encircling my virginal body with an intensity that I can’t fully appreciate? For some reason, the phrase ‘death claws’ comes to mind.” George: “Whatever do you […]

Past Imperfect – #367

Hi there. My name is Betty. This shouldn’t surprise you, because in the year that I was born everyone on the damn planet named their child Betty. This was a disappointing development, and nothing hacks away at your self-esteem like being christened with an uninspired moniker shared by […]

Past Imperfect – #559

Fred, left: “I’m sorry to intrude, but I just found these undergarments in the hallway, and I thought I might inquire as to whether or not you might wish to claim ownership.” Melvyn, center: “Good God, man. Why so many words? Couldn’t you have just asked ‘are these […]

Past Imperfect – #253

Left to right… Drunk Lady #1: “This pizza is so good. If the man who invented pizza walked by right now I’d bang him right here on these steps. And then take a nap.” Drunk Lady #2: “I keep missing my mouth. Why is this so hard? Hey, […]