“I love you more than beer.” “You complete my bobble-head collection.” “You tractor-pulled my heart.” “Your eyes sparkle like moonshine.” “You are the prettiest girl in the Wal-Marts parking lot.” “I love you like a sister. Oh wait…” “Love means never […]
Fair Warning: I’m a little bit cranky in this ancient bit of venting, as evidenced by the title. Brace yourselves accordingly… 1. Idiots don’t know what snow is. Stunning as it may seem, there are folks out there who are completely mystified by the white stuff falling from […]
Douglas, left: “Why are both of you looking at me like you know something that I don’t?” Jean, middle: “I’m not looking at anybody. When you use as much peroxide on your hair as I do, you lose a little bit of muscle control.” James, right: “I might […]
1. She used your middle name when screaming from another room that you needed to report to her immediately. 2. Dead silence on her end of the line when you called her at work for the twenty-seventh time in one afternoon. 3. Proclaiming at dinner that you don’t […]
Katharine: “Mirror, mirror, not on the wall, will I get the part in that movie with the hottie named Spencer?” Big Mirror: “Why, certainly. You have impeccable credentials, your acting is superb, and both you and the Spencer hottie need to quell certain rumors about your fluid sexual […]
Marilyn Monroe: “Arthur, I’m not really understanding this bit in your play right here, with the witches shrieking.” Arthur Miller, off-camera due to clearance issues with his publicist: “Well, it’s an allegory about the Salem trials and McCarthyism and… why are you standing like that?” Marilyn: “I’m posing […]
Wallace Beery, right: “You seem a bit out of sorts, my pet.” Joan Crawford, left: “Of course I’m out of sorts. Did you see how they treated me when we checked into this awful hotel? Wallace: “My dear, this is one of the most exquisite hotels in the […]
And so it came to pass, as is often that case, that it was time for my regular checkup with my personal physician. Typically, this is not a grand event, as I have been going to the same doctor for many years and our routine is set. We […]
Another one from the archives which now has a more prescient tone. Funny how old blog posts can work that way… Tony, left: “After this shoot, I’m never complaining again about how long it takes any of my wives to get ready for dinner at Andre’s.” Jack, right: […]
8 Points of Consideration whilst reviewing this 1948 publicity still of Jane Greer: 1. What’s the oddly-placed tassel all about, dangling amidst her searchlights? Does she inflate when you pull it? Do you get a refund if she doesn’t? (The Tassel: “I really should have paid more attention […]
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