As Mrs. Shawn rounded the corner into the living room, she finally began to realize that her son might never marry. Still, there was hope. Mrs. Shawn: “Darling, must you?” Ted: “Yes, Mother. I must provide an output for my muse.” Mrs. Shawn: “I’d rather you not be […]
1. “How to Remove Your Head from Your Ass Using Common Household Items” 2. “The Margarita-Based Diet” 3. “He’s So Completely Not into You That He’s Moving to Another Planet” 4. “Chicken Soup for the Soulless” 5. “The Five Best Ways to Keep People from Slapping You” 6. […]
Click here to peruse the first part of this story… Amazingly, the confession session with Mom did not turn out to be nearly as brutal as I had anticipated. After all, in the previous fifteen minutes, I had bellowed rude and hateful things in her general direction, […]
Once upon a time, my family had a woody. (How’s that for a vague but potentially questionable opening line?) In the interests of fair disclosure and the avoidance of retroactive investigations by Child Protective Services, I should point out that the “woody” in this case refers to a […]
Director: “Has anybody seen Marlon? I need him on the set.” Bitter Scriptwriter: “Why does he have to be here? My words are superb. Anybody could do this scene, assuming that they can read.” Not-bitter Production Assistant who still believed that she could bed The Brando given the […]
As I’ve often fully admitted, my mind boomerangs. I see one thing, and I’m reminded of another thing, which leads to even more things and, before I can stop the pinball, my mind-stream has taken me to a tropical island far distant from the one upon which I […]
The narrator intones in a soothing baritone, a velvet-gravel mix enhanced by aged whiskey and pungent cigars, neither of which he has ever mentioned to his physician, lest his insurance premiums go up… “Once upon a time, before the invention of video games and the Internet and Fox […]
Note: This is another Crusty Pie post where the original is a bit lackluster. So, let’s mess around with it, shall we? Original Take. Woman on the Right: “I really think highly of myself and therefore must wear this impromptu crown that I fashioned out of my […]
Hi, everybody! It’s me again, playing on Daddy’s toplap because he’s in the Food Room trying to make a breakfast burrito. He’ll be in there a while, because he makes them extra special and puts lots of stuff in them, stuff that I can barely smell before I […]
Hey, Bonnywooders. Despite the possibility that no one is really all that invested in such, it’s time for my (roughly) biennial post concerning my thoughts on the mechanics of blogging. (You can find a past example here.) I generally stay out of other folk’s blogging exploits (ergo “biennial” […]
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