Author Archives

Brian Lageose

Past Imperfect – #543

At the very last moment, the Sharks hired Marlon Soprano, a freelance dancer who didn’t care which team he played for as long as he got to perform his signature move, a double backflip ending in a manly split dripping with testosterone but no actual damage to the […]

Past Imperfect – #576

Prosecuting Attorney: “If it pleases the court, I’d like to present this photo as exhibit A.” Judge Crotchbump: “It doesn’t matter if it pleases me or not. You’re an attorney. You present things, I make a ruling about the quality of your presentation based on the 700 years […]

Past Imperfect – #540

This is what therapists call “the money shot”, when the narcissism becomes so overwhelming that dinner is delayed whilst Vida Loca tap-dances where the Boeuf Bourguignon should be. Said therapists then race to clear their appointment schedules, because Vida will soon be knocking on one of their doors, […]

Past Imperfect – #356

Photographer: “Okay, do you think this is a convincing publicity shot of Troy wooing the ladies?” Agent: “I think it’s convincing me that Troy is terrified of ancient Pompeiian women who somehow survived the eruption of Mount Vesuvius and now they’re feeling a bit lusty after all those […]

Past Imperfect – #312

Because nothing says “I’m a man’s man” like posing next to your ludicrous gun collection in the family rec room whilst wearing shiny disco boots and a sweater with dancing reindeer…  Note: This is Exhibit #6 in Bonnywood’s March Madness. Details found here.

Past Imperfect – #328

Marceline, left: “Alice, dear, could you possibly manage to look a trifle less bored?” Alice, right: “Are you kidding? We’re dressed up like cats. What is this accomplishing?” Marceline: “It’s keeping us in the spotlight. As every good starlet knows, there are things you simply must do to […]

Past Imperfect – #237

Josephine really wanted a man in her life, if for no other reason than to make her mother stop asking why she didn’t have such. But truth be told, Josephine was not especially talented at attracting the opposite sex, as evidenced by this alarming photo wherein her choice […]

Past Imperfect – #229

The members of the Dumbass Gang should have known that the bank robbery was not going to work out in their favor when they hired Ernie the Milkman as their getaway driver…  Note: This is Exhibit #3 in Bonnywood’s March Madness. Details found here.

Past Imperfect – #467

Leticia could not believe what her mother had just muttered. “Could you repeat that?” Mother: “I said that you should get away from that window before the neighbors see you.” Leticia: “But I want them to see me. This outfit was specially designed for me by La Maison […]