1. Some like it hot. These folks reach in, turn the hot-water tap to ultra-gusher, completely ignore the cold-water tap, and then leave the settings like this for the entire three-hour tour. Now, I generally like to wash away my sins as well as anyone, but I […]
1. You wake up with a hangover even though you had nothing to drink the night before. It’s a fascinating biological phenomenon. Your head hurts, your mouth is dry and there’s a weird bruise in a surprising place. It takes all the strength you have just to reach […]
Since I seem to be in the midst of a thematic mini-trend about Texas, here’s an older bit that is making its Bonnywood debut. Enjoy. 1. The intense and possibly gun-drawing pride. As with most things, Texans are almost militantly proud of their barbecue. In the mind […]
Since yet another heat advisory has been issued in the DFW area for the rest of the week (heat index is expected to be between 105-110), I though it was time to pull this one out of the archives… 1. The inability to think. It’s hard to concentrate […]
1. Actual scripts are unimportant. Why waste time paying people to come up with an original idea.? All you need is someone that can push the “on” button for the camera, some cool threads from the hottest fashion designer of the last half hour, and enough beer in […]
1. Thank you for choosing to fly with us today. 2. You know, it’s proper etiquette that you knock before you just barge in here. 3. What are your thoughts on public nudity? 4. Did you know that serial killers really like to push buttons that light up? […]
This little holiday doesn’t have quite as much going for it, unlike the flashier Thanksgiving and Christmas spectaculars, filled as they are with rituals like massive feasts and drunken relatives bickering over stupid things. Basically, May Day involves flowers and people prancing around a stripper pole. That’s about […]
Another dusty relic from the deepest corners of the archives. Fair warning: This was originally banged out during my infamous “mean girl” phase. Prepare yourselves accordingly… Setting the scene: I’m at Tierney’s Café and Tavern. (This being a Friday night, no one should be the slightest bit […]
1. It has members of my family in it and I don’t know what they’re doing. This instantly puts me on high alert. Knowing how some of my family members have a natural instinct to do things they probably shouldn’t, this document could easily become evidence in some […]
Note: I’m in a bit of rascally mood tonight, so some of this might seem a bit harsh, but it’s just where my mind is as thunderstorms once again make their belligerent way across north Texas… 1. The candle that burns out as soon as you light […]
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