Editor’s Note: As a companion piece to my recent paean to the mood swings of a Chinese Buffet experience, here is an older ode exemplifying the writer’s obsessive thoughts concerning a new breakfast option at a local cafeteria-style chain… 1. The fact that Luby’s even serves breakfast. They […]
Dragging another bit of Halloween mess out of the archives… 1. If you have stupidly stored an important item in a basement where the light flickers, you just need to forget about it and buy a new one. 2. If the hotel clerk hands you the registration […]
1. “Is there a particular reason why you can’t unload the dishwasher? Is it a religious issue?” 2. “That button on the DVR remote that says ‘Erase All’? What happens if you accidentally push that? And what happens if I’m the one that pushed it?” 3. “You think […]
1. The bathroom scale is clearly possessed by demons. There can be no other explanation for the erratic way those damn numbers keep saying the wrong thing and going in the wrong direction. Cleanse your house of evil spirits. Leave the tainted scales on the front steps of […]
1. The name game. You’re standing there with people you have known all your life, talking about other people you have known all your life, and suddenly you can’t remember the name of your cousin that you have known all your life. It just won’t come to you. […]
1. I really hate walking on the treadmill. It’s not the treadmill’s fault. He’s really nice. It’s the concept of exercise overall. Back in the day, when I didn’t have to exercise, but actually had an abundance of energy to do it, I was much more accepting of […]
1. Wow, those kids look like they’re about 6 years old. 2. Hermione was pretty bitchy back in the day. 3. Daniel Radcliffe/Harry has exactly two facial expressions: “total surprise at being famous for basically doing nothing” and “grim determination as he prepares to face off against a […]
1. Some like it hot. These folks reach in, turn the hot-water tap to ultra-gusher, completely ignore the cold-water tap, and then leave the settings like this for the entire three-hour tour. Now, I generally like to wash away my sins as well as anyone, but I really […]
1. Getting the lawn mower out of the shed Once upon a time, we thought it would be really cute to convert the garage into another den, because we had too much furniture in the rest of the house. (I have an inability to consider where I’m going […]
The lovely Claudette posted a piece about creating your own words, which reminded me of this bit of wrongness tucked in the archives. Enjoy. 1. Frigi-Daze The concept of opening the refrigerator and staring forlornly at the contents, unable to make a decision about what it is that […]
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