Fair disclosure: We’re actually flying TO Spain and not FROM Mexico later today, but I thought this little rant from years ago was still appropriate. After all, some things never change. Enjoy. 1. Okay, hold up, all you heathens thundering toward the frightened ticket-taker at the gate. They’re […]
1. Who are all these strange people sleeping on your couches? Granted, some of them look a little familiar, so they could actually be invited guests who decided they might not be in the best condition to get on the nation’s highways. But it’s hard to tell. Let’s […]
Note: I finally broke down and started paying someone to take care of the yard, having fretted previously about justifying the expense. Turns out this was one of the best decisions, ever, and the joy of not having to screw with all that mess is indescribable. But […]
1. “Can you help me understand why that pair of underwear has been in the same spot for two weeks now? Is it a memorial of some kind? Are we not allowed to touch it, like the state flower when it grows by the side of the road?” […]
Thank you for selecting Lefty Blue’s Animal Tours as an entertainment destination. We are quite certain that you will enjoy your time with us as we explore the darkest corners of uncivilized society. For today’s adventure, we will be visiting the Soulless Bushlands, the Lower Regions of Moralitavia, […]
1. Why do you hold your wireless phone in front of your mouth when you speak instead of on the side of your head? Do you not understand that you are actually moving the microphone further away from your lips? If you thought this would help your little […]
1. Surprise naps. You get a phone call from your favorite niece, but instead of running around and jumping excitedly during the conversation like you would when you were fifteen like your niece, you have to find a comfy chair, because talking and walking is just far too […]
1. You now have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Yes, I’m sure there are a number of mighty fine reasons to actually pull back the covers and face the day (the chance to see a loved-one’s face, the opportunity to make more money […]
1. “How many people in your party?” I’m standing here alone. Do you think the rest of them are hiding in the bushes? Or is it pathetic that I dine singly? It’s okay if I eat by myself, you know. No one will be arrested, I promise. If […]
Editor’s Note: Many thanks to the fine folks who suggested phrases for this second edition… 1. “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!” Translation: “I am completely stunned by this unexpected turn in our conversation. And since I didn’t have an adequate response I decided […]
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