1. “Well, sugar my foot!” Translation: “I am thoroughly astonished that what you just said is actually true. Even if it’s really not.” This is a response often heard during whispered gossip sessions at the local Baptist church. 2. “That thing just flopped back yonder.” Translation: “The item […]
Note: I recently had the supreme joy of being Car #2 in a 3-car meeting of metal. My thoughts on the matter, some more relevant than others… 1. I didn’t get to finish my date with Ryan Seacrest. Mainly because he just happens to be on my […]
1. They both make a lot of pointless noise about nothing. 2. When you put them in the same room they all look exactly alike. 3. Both groups could float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, one for the theme and the other for the hot air and […]
1. Thelma and Bleu Cheese An unhappily-married woman gets fed up with, well, everything, so she hops in a car and decides to just drive places and see what happens. All of her girlfriends have mani-pedi appointments that they don’t dare break, so Thelma is forced to take […]
Fair Warning: I get a bit cranky with this one. (And for those of you unfamiliar with Wal-Mart, just envision “discount store where you might run into people who don’t have their priorities in order”.) 1. The Parking Lot If a given vehicle is such a supreme piece […]
Note: As we all know, night hours are dangerous when it comes to slacker activity, because you might get a second wind and actually accomplish something, and we don’t want to ruin our personal goal of contributing absolutely nothing to society for one day. (I almost blew it […]
Note: Continuing our enumeration of critical things one must do in order to squeeze the maximum productivity out of your personal day and yet still remain relatively content and happy. Click here to read the first part of the series, in case you don’t recall the bit of a […]
1. Absolutely nothing. 2. Test out the stamina of your alarm clock. You’ve always wondered how many times you can hit the snooze button until it just stops working and you wake up the next day. (It explains all this in the manual, of course, but you haven’t […]
1. Saying “excuse me” when you sneeze, even though no one else is in the room. That’s very polite of you. It’s also slightly schizophrenic. But that’s okay. As long as you keep the reflex going, you’ll be sure to apologize at more appropriate moments. This will come […]
1. You watch a TV show that you’re not all that interested in just because you’re too exhausted to figure out how to get to that Guide channel on the new remote that your partner keeps swapping out every two weeks. (Why must we always have new ones? […]
Bonnywood Manor 
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