1. You have to show up for work on time. For some diabolic reason, they always schedule these torture sessions first thing in the morning. There’s absolutely no legitimate reason for this, because no one, I don’t care who you are, functions their best before 10am. At that […]
Note: This is the “Pinterest” version, but the shocking obsessions and degradations essentially apply to all platforms. More to follow. 1. You no longer remember the names of your children. Or if you even have any. 2. The last time you looked at the television, “Friends” was still […]
1. There’s really no reason to leave the house for 72 hours. None. Getting out in this mess is just not worth it. Yes, you might save a few bucks, and who doesn’t want to do that right now. But the side-effects of venturing forth into the madness […]
1. The “fake food poisoning” approach. Eat lunch at your desk, but purposely do not finish all of it. Find something odd that you can mix into the remaining food, like cough syrup or pencil shavings. Stir until the mess is completely unrecognizable, just like those dreaded casseroles […]
1. It’s round. This is a relatively safe shape. There are generally no sharp edges where you can accidentally slice open an artery, and that’s always a good thing. Now, there is a minimal amount of inherent danger if your pizza is not already pre-sliced when you attack […]
1. “I knew there were going to be issues when they told me I had to light both ends of the baton before I could twirl it.” 2. “Does anyone have a really big truck that can haul something the size of a small elephant? Oh, and I […]
1. That antique malls even exist. Where did these things even come from? Back in the day, when people got together and tried to sell used stuff, it was called a flea market. People set up little tables where they could pile a bunch of dusty things that […]
Note: Change the pronouns around however you like to fit the dynamics of your own relationship. This is an equal-opportunity whine-fest, and all variations of love are fully embraced here at Bonnywood Manor. 1. He changes the car radio right in the middle of a song that […]
Note: I was compelled to dig this one out of the archives after sitting here for two hours while apparently every other citizen in South Dallas is lighting fireworks that are prohibited in South Dallas. The current booming reminded me of a past booming, and in a fit […]
Dear Viewers, I’m sure you’re just as excited as I am about the upcoming new shows on our glorious network. We have worked very hard to ensure that all bovine orientations have been represented, despite the threatened boycotts by right-wing organizations such as Focus on the Cows […]
Bonnywood Manor 
Recent Comments