“I love you more than beer.” “You complete my bobble-head collection.” “You tractor-pulled my heart.” “Your eyes sparkle like moonshine.” “You are the prettiest girl in the Wal-Marts parking lot.” “I love you like a sister. Oh wait…” “Love means never havin’ to say which one of them […]
Editor’s Note: I’m 97% certain that this is the last Yuletide post I’ll drag out of the archives this holiday season, but we’ll see. Enjoy… Clara’s Diary: “December 24th, late. So I met this guy. I was at a bar in West Hollywood, that part of town where […]
1. Avoid social interactions with questionable relatives. Yes, you do have to offer an initial greeting to everyone that you see, this is only polite, but your line of responsibility ends there. Once you have achieved this basic fake show of happiness that you have seen them once […]
A quick little post, just because. I really like this video since it features Annie Lennox, has a nice vintage feel, and it’s a little bit creepy, three of my favorite things. Enjoy and see you soon…
Editor’s Note: This is another one from my Yuletide archives… 1. Slim Jims from the corner convenience store. [Take cheap plastic meat out of cheap plastic packaging prior to arrival. Wrap meat in the ugly silk scarf that Cousin Edna tossed your way 20 years ago and you’ve […]
These days, if I bother to reflect on what I might want for Christmas, I’m rarely able to stay on topic for any length of time. After all, at my age, I’ve been around the block at least four thousand times (arrested a time or two on some […]
Editor’s Note: This is a refurbished older post, a cautionary tale of what can happen when you mix the gift-exchange process with excessive amounts of alcohol. The references are a wee bit dated, but the underlying moral is the same: Don’t drink and unwrap. Unless everybody else […]
1. It will destroy your soul. Granted, there was a time and place when I greatly enjoyed swaddling carefully-selected gifts in whimsically-printed paper. I would spend hours ensuring that each box o’ joy was so meticulously enshrined in festive wrapping that angels would descend from Heaven and sing […]
1. The stupid box it comes in. As soon as you dump the various sections of the tree out of the shiny, new box, you might as well throw the box away. You are never going to get all of the tree back in that box. And as […]
Momma: “Lucille, get away from the fireplace. We live in the projects, you don’t know what might fall out of there.” Lucille: “But Momma, it’s Christmas Eve. Santa is coming!” Momma: “Santa? Baby Girl, Santa doesn’t know where we live. We’re on welfare.” Lucille: “That’s not true. If […]
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