1. Salt on lettuce makes my tongue swell. Not making this up. And it’s just salt and lettuce. If I’m having a salad with other ingredients, or lettuce on a burger, or any situation where there’s additional players on the food team, it’s all good, nothing happens. And […]
Hyacinth Macaw, prosecuting attorney and generally unpleasant person, stood up at her document-laden table and made an announcement: “I’m ready to cross-examine the witness on the stand.” Judge Pearline Soufflé did not stand up at her hand-carved bench, one that was not laden with anything because she was […]
1. She used your middle name when screaming from another room that you needed to report to her immediately. 2. Dead silence on her end of the line when you called her at work for the twenty-seventh time in one afternoon. 3. Proclaiming at dinner that you don’t […]
I answered the front door. “Yes?” A man stood there, clipboard in hand and tool belt on waist. “I’m here to fix your water heater.” Hallelujah. I immediately worshipped this man and all he stood for, nearly dropping to my knees and kissing his booted feet for finally […]
Firstly, I feel it is my moral duty to point out that this post is not about any of the salacious imagery some of you may have imagined upon reading the title. Normally, I wouldn’t feel compelled to make this disclaimer (after all, I am the most chaste […]
University of Tulsa. 1984, maybe 1985. Let’s call it the winter of 84-85, because it was cold. Inhumanely cold. Certain death if not adequately protected while outside, that sort of cold. I’m sure the lovely folks in Canada would scoff at our misery, judging us as inferior amateurs […]
Decades ago, an intervention took place… Anne, the Transcendental Therapist at St. John’s Progressive Learning Center for Possibly-Gifted Wee Ones: “Brian, do you understand why you’ve been sent to my office for counseling?” Brian: “I’m assuming that someone was dissatisfied with her own personal life, so she […]
Note: The following repost was inspired by a recent comment, wherein Osyth and I were discussing my brief career as a thespian and she mentioned “I don’t know your voice but we have imagination”. Well, I just happen to have something in the archives that might shed a […]
Note: I just hit my NaNoWriMo goal (without even having to stick out my tongue!), and whilst I was decompressing and reflecting on why I do the things I do, I remembered this short bit from back in the day. Not so much with the funny this time, […]
Click here to read the first part of this story. The church bus sat there at the end of the gravel driveway, the split doors spread wide and waiting for us to climb the three steps up into the inner madness of the Jesus transport. My sister […]
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