Category: Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #403

Mary Pickford: “I’m sorry, what did you say?” Mirror: “I said that you really shouldn’t leave the house wearing such a mess. Especially if you plan to flop your hands around like that. You’re not six years old anymore, honey.” Mary: “But I’m America’s Sweetheart!” Mirror: “Well, you […]

Past Imperfect – #277

Jimmy: “I’m sorry, what did you just ask?” Maggie: “Where is your Husband Department?” Jimmy: “Are you trying to find the Men’s clothing section?” Maggie: “No, Husband. I need a new one.” Jimmy: “May I inquire as to what’s wrong with the old one?” Maggie: “He’s just not […]

Past Imperfect – #584

Later that night, the sisters at Saint Expulsia’s Convent of Cloistered Celibates were unable to sleep, probably because someone had put just a little too much sugar in the tapioca pudding served at the Chastity Dinner earlier that night. Bored and vibrating, they gathered in Sister Socialita’s spartan […]

Past Imperfect – #583

Left to right… George: “Pray tell me, fellow Unbobble Heads, what am I looking at down there? Is that one of those orange-topped warthogs I read about in National Spyrographic?” Tom: “Uh, no. Wrong species, but close. That’s a Trump.” Teddy: “A trump? What the hell is that? […]

Past Imperfect – #81

And here we have one of the earliest known celebrations of marriage equality in America, with everyone quite pleased. Except for that sole Republican guy in the upper middle right, who is running for Congress in Oklahoma and has just realized that this snapshot might bode ill for […]

Past Imperfect – #77

This is how one turns to a life of crime and indiscretion: When your older sisters force you to wear ridiculous costumes and then torment you further by laughing uproariously, despite their inability to arrange Grandma Bennett’s heirloom china in a proper table setting. The day will come, […]

Past Imperfect – #87

Despite this ill-advised early publicity shot, the automotive industry still managed to gain traction. In the background, Henry Ford curses the day he decided to hire family members in the promotions department just to keep the peace during holiday gatherings. He turns in disgust, ready to slink away, […]

Past Imperfect – #179

Farley, left: “I can’t stop smiling when I look at you.” Robert, right: “Wait, that line isn’t in the script.” Farley: “Nor is my attraction to you.” Robert: “Really? Well, we just took a turn I wasn’t expecting.” Farley: “Oh, please. You’re the one that ordered the 120-proof […]

Past Imperfect – #142

House #1: “I really don’t like the house to my left. Somebody up in there plays the Zydeco music like Jesus is coming every night. They leave crap in their backyard that really just needs to be thrown in a dumpster. And what the hell are they doing […]

Past Imperfect – #425

On the movie set of “Reflections in a Golden Eye”…   Director John Huston: “And over here, Liz will make her entrance in some crap designed by Valentino.” Actor Marlon Brando: “That explains all the lights. But why the big production?” John: “Because it’s Elizabeth Taylor. She never […]