Category: Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #193

Ruth: “I suppose we should get up and actually do something with our lives.” Betty: “I don’t really see the point. I still have plenty of cigarettes left, I could do this all day. Although it would be nice to have an ashtray. Sorry about the carpet, dear.” […]

Past Imperfect – #50

Charlie was surprised when the Immigration Officer informed him that he wasn’t allowed to bring that many mistresses into the country. The Immigration Officer was surprised that Charlie had tried to claim on his declarations form that the mistresses were “work-related purchases”. Most of the mistresses were surprised […]

Past Imperfect – #110

As he tossed and turned, covered in a light sweat, the writer had a fever dream wherein, late one dark and stormy night, certain correspondents knocked on the door at Bonnywood Manor, demanding entry and entertainment and booze. The writer sighed (inwardly), smiled graciously (outwardly), and turned to […]

Past Imperfect – #19

At the premiere of the newest talkie, All This and a Bag of Chips, everyone who was anyone in Hollywood showed up at Grubman’s Vietnamese Art Deco Movie Palace and Taqueria. Milling about in the crowd of artificially young and beautiful was the ravishing (according to her press […]

Past Imperfect – #26

Clarissa, left: “Bernadette, honey, I don’t know if you were right about this hat.” Bernadette, right: “Don’t be silly. It’s terribly fashionable and it makes a statement.” Clarissa: “The statement it’s making is that I can’t see a damn thing. I’m just looking in the direction of your […]

Past Imperfect – #67

Yes, Colleen was dismayed to learn that her beau had fallen under the spell of that harlot from her Garden Club. Luckily, Colleen had recently installed a lovely contraption wherein all she had to do was pull the rope to her left and the home-wrecking vixen would plummet […]

Past Imperfect – #51

Vivien, the Actress, playing a proper British Southerner: “Well, I declare. I am outraged at your suggestion.” Clark, the Actor, playing whatever role brought the best paycheck: “Frankly, my dear, you’re always outraged.” Victor, the Director (well, the director once they canned George Cukor): “Aw, geez, my ulcer […]

Past Imperfect – #439

As dawn broke across the land, Anthony tried to prepare himself for another workday in corporate America. But it all seemed so useless, devoid of meaning, and he just didn’t have the strength to even pick up his cup of morning coffee. Then, surprisingly, the coffee decided to […]

Past Imperfect – #396

Well, since we’re just mere days away, I thought I should drag out a few Halloween posts… Carole first realized that perhaps she had gotten off at the wrong subway stop when that whiny little girl from The Exorcist began waving about an inverted crucifix. She braced herself […]

Past Imperfect – #428

Dean Stockwell, left: “Dad, what’s up with that huge book on your desk?” Ralph Richardson, center: “It doesn’t matter. What’s important is that I give this bottle of hooch to your brother.” Jason Robards, right: “Thanks, Dad! You’re pretty swell, even if your existence torments me.” Dean: “But […]