Category: Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #535

Maria: “I just have one prayer, oh Mighty Isis. Could you please send me a publicist who knows how to focus a camera? Okay, maybe two prayers. It would be nice if the costume designer on this gig didn’t feel compelled to disguise the fact that I have […]

Past Imperfect – #362

Theresa: “Okay, I finally finished up on this homemade valentine that you insisted I make for your husband and… are you even listening to me?” Marlene: “Of course I’m listening to you, darling, I’m just not looking at you.” Theresa: “You don’t think that’s rude? I spent all […]

Past Imperfect – #495

Note: In the commentary for my Redneck Valentines post, “someone” asked about cards and stories for folks who are NOT in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. Well, I just so happened to have this in the archives…   Jeanne: “Hello, Tree. I’m here once again, sharing my thoughts, […]

Past Imperfect – #522

After a grueling twenty minutes of being on the film set with all the Little People, Joan retreats to her Personal Adoration Chamber for a few hours of reflection and self-worship…   Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 05/05/17. No changes made. You can order your own PAC […]

Past Imperfect – #64

Estelle had always wanted to be a famous Broadway actress, wowing the crowds every night and sipping champagne at fancy restaurants. But as she fought to maintain her balance while she posed for the “September” photo in the Cackling Cluckers annual calendar, she realized that her career was […]

Past Imperfect – #105

An early visual primer on the foundations of “Trickle-Down Economics”: Those above stay dry, those below get wet. In the background, a young Ronald Reagan gazes in wonder.   Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 03/27/15. No changes made, as no changes have been made with the ridiculous […]

Past Imperfect – #530

Marilyn Monroe: “Arthur, I’m not really understanding this bit in your play right here, with the witches shrieking.” Arthur Miller, off-camera due to clearance issues with his publicist: “Well, it’s an allegory about the Salem trials and McCarthyism and… why are you standing like that?” Marilyn: “I’m posing […]

Past Imperfect – #511

Anna May: “I’m sorry, I was momentarily distracted by my own perkiness and I didn’t quite catch what you were saying. Could you repeat it, please?” Police Officer: “I said that you seem awfully chipper considering we just found the famous movie producer, Irving Hindenburg, floating in the […]

Past Imperfect – #524

Awkwardly-Clingy ticket-taker at the Toulouse-Lautrec Metro Station in Paris: “Madamoiselle, I don’t know why you felt compelled to leap over the turnstile whilst bellowing something in Swedish, but I can’t have you running amok in the bowels of this city without acknowledging fair trade agreements. It’s anarchy!” PETA-defying […]