Category: Past Imperfect

Past Imperfect – #484

Carole: “Darling, how thoughtful of you. I’ve always wanted my own personal callus remover. You think of everything.” Darling: “Actually, I didn’t think of everything. I forgot to call you downstairs when it was time to open presents. Christmas was nearly a month ago.” Carole: “Really? I hadn’t […]

Past Imperfect – #485

Boris: “Don’t you think it’s time we took the Christmas tree down?” Ginger: “Oh, heavens no! Can’t you see that Fluffy really likes living in it? Where will he sleep without the tree?” Boris: “Fluffy is a piñata that we got in Guadalajara when we were watching all […]

Past Imperfect – #91

The college professor clicked a button and the photo appeared on the screen behind him. He addressed the class before him. “Today, we will learn about the variability of perception. How surfaces can inadvertently lie, which can then lead to lies maliciously surfacing. Tell me your first impressions. […]

Past Imperfect – #304

Buster: “Why are you looking at me like that?” Marceline: “Don’t be simple. Is there something you need to tell me?” Buster: “I can’t imagine what. I share everything with you. You’re my best friend.” Marceline: “Not everything. I found your stash of pornography involving carnal mimes.” Buster: […]

Past Imperfect – #160

Tea Party Handbook – Manly Edition, Section 42, Clause B: “This is the proper position that your wife should assume when you arrive at home after a long day of doing everything you can to ensure that white, conservative, misogynistic men rule the planet. She is not allowed […]

Past Imperfect – #189

I tried to wash that man right out of my hair, just like the song says, but I ran into a few complications. One, I couldn’t find the right shampoo at Walgreen’s. (Exactly what ingredient should you look for? Essence of Man-Gone? Botanical Banishment? Pregnancy-Scare Prunes?) Somebody really […]

Past Imperfect – #86

Delilah was in a woeful state, plagued by many troubling issues. She had recently lost her job due to a misunderstanding about the proper time for alcohol consumption. She had lost her favorite boyfriend because she didn’t realize that she was only supposed to have one. And most […]

Past Imperfect – #431

Sadie: “I suppose I could do that. How much are you willing to pay me?” Nigel: “I didn’t say anything about paying you.” Sadie: “Then I didn’t say anything about doing it.” Nigel: “But I have leverage on you, my dear. I know what you did with that […]

Past Imperfect – #226

Members of the Gamma Alpha Upsilon fraternity attend Mardi Gras, 1938. Left to right… Fedora: “I really tried to get in the spirit of things with my frat brothers, but at the last minute my rigid Southern Baptist upbringing ruined it all. I have a feeling I’m going […]

Past Imperfect – #339

Man on the Left: “I do believe someone is trying to get your attention.” Woman on the Right: “And I do believe I’m trying to ignore her.” Hair in the Middle: “Darling, you can’t ignore me. I run this place, and it’s my responsibility to make sure that […]