Just a quick note to fill you in on my current lack of obsessive blogging: Contrary to what some of you might think, I have not gone over the edge and finally lost my mind, resulting in an enforced stay at the Beaver Valley Home for the Emotionally […]
Note: Okay, fessing a little, I DID try wearing contacts way back in the day, like 1983, when they were these hard, inflexible buttons that you basically had to glue to your eyeball and you couldn’t really close your eyelids comfortably when they hit that damn […]
Note: I finally broke down and started paying someone to take care of the yard, having fretted previously about justifying the expense. Turns out this was one of the best decisions, ever, and the joy of not having to screw with all that mess is indescribable. But […]
A shocking example of climate change, through the eyes of a feline… Hi, People with two legs! It’s me, Scotch the cat. I’m on Daddy’s toplap again, the thing I’m not supposed to be on, like the kitchen table and stuff that can break, but I don’t think […]
1. “How many people in your party?” I’m standing here alone. Do you think the rest of them are hiding in the bushes? Or is it pathetic that I dine singly? It’s okay if I eat by myself, you know. No one will be arrested, I promise. […]
1. Why do you hold your wireless phone in front of your mouth when you speak instead of on the side of your head? Do you not understand that you are actually moving the microphone further away from your lips? If you thought this would help your little […]
It seems that many future Tea Party starlets missed some critical days of training during their early schooling, probably because they were already so busy attending questionable church festivals and taking baby steps toward their eventual insanity. But in the interests of fairness and the slight possibility […]
1. You wake up with a hangover even though you had nothing to drink the night before. It’s a fascinating biological phenomenon. Your head hurts, your mouth is dry and there’s a weird bruise in a surprising place. It takes all the strength you have just to reach […]
1. Do not tell people that you are my beloved until this has been fully discussed between us and official documents have been signed. Likewise, do not update your relationship status on any social media app without the proper coordination. This is something that we should do […]
1. It’s hard to make a grand entrance at the restaurant when obnoxious people are blocking your way. Okay, Mr. Speed Bump, I understand that the 47 pounds of spicy, fried lard that you just ate might slow you down a bit. Got it. But seriously, […]
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