1. Nobody really wants the lettuce. Sure, we’ve been raised as consumers to believe that the foundation of any decent salad is chopped-up leafage of some kind. This is a scam. Do not fall for it. The salad people want you to load up on the greenery so […]
Picture it. Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. Late 70’s, early 80’s. We didn’t have any money. And GO… 1. The fact that I would go out in public looking like I did in the photo above. 2. A female friend had to pull me aside and discreetly inform […]
1. The parking lot. The uncontrolled behavior starts before I even get in the store. I’m one of those who doesn’t like to park anywhere near the entrances to a retail establishment, because some drivers are incredibly stupid and inconsiderate and I don’t want them maneuvering a vehicle […]
1. You become aroused simply walking through the produce section of the supermarket. (Stay away from the cucumbers and the carrots. And you might want to avoid the gourds as well, because some of those raised bumps can look very interesting.) 2. You seem to be […]
1. Open the refrigerator door and stare into it. It’s still all the same stuff that was in there the last twenty times you looked, but if you stare hard enough you will notice something that you haven’t seen in a while. You probably won’t want […]
1. You wake up in the morning and you aren’t really sure who you are. You crack the seal on one eye and look around. Something seems to have disturbed your slumber, but it’s not really clear. After perusing a few questionable things around you (Did I […]
1. The Surly Temple This drink was originally created to placate people who confused their uptight religious upbringing (no demon alcohol!) with their natural social inclination to have a good time with their less salvation-based friends. Sadly, because the Surly Temple has no actual alcohol and did […]
1. “We are apparently complete and total pigs. Is that peanut butter on the ceiling?” 2. “Cleaning bathroom floors takes a certain will to live.” 3. “It’s really sad when your ‘hide everything in here for now’ drawer progresses to two drawers, then a closet, then the […]
1. Thank you for choosing to fly with us today. 2. You know, it’s proper etiquette that you knock before you just barge in here. 3. What are your thoughts on public nudity? 4. Did you know that serial killers really like to push buttons that light up? […]
It all started rather innocently. My partner, Terry, turned to me and uttered these deceptively benign words: “Johhna and Patty are going to Pecan Lodge for barbecue on Sunday for lunch. And then to The Anvil for drinks. Wanna go?” Me, taking roughly one second to consider all […]
Bonnywood Manor 
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