Hi there. My name is Betty. This shouldn’t surprise you, because in the year that I was born everyone on the damn planet named their child Betty. This was a disappointing development, and nothing hacks away at your self-esteem like being christened with an uninspired moniker shared by […]
1. Trying to stonewash my own jeans, using bleach, because buying the real thing was too damn expensive. (And failing miserably with the home-school fashion update, reducing the denim to the consistency of mosquito netting.) 2. Playing “Quarters” with my college peeps, never pausing to consider that it […]
Another missive from the “Idiot Fondue” archives, wherein I posed as a psychotherapist and responded to inane queries from creative readers. Enjoy. And the mailman just handed me this: Dear Dr. Brian: Sometimes I need to eat quickly and cheap, but I’m having a fast food dilemma. […]
Fred, left: “I’m sorry to intrude, but I just found these undergarments in the hallway, and I thought I might inquire as to whether or not you might wish to claim ownership.” Melvyn, center: “Good God, man. Why so many words? Couldn’t you have just asked ‘are these […]
Left to right… Drunk Lady #1: “This pizza is so good. If the man who invented pizza walked by right now I’d bang him right here on these steps. And then take a nap.” Drunk Lady #2: “I keep missing my mouth. Why is this so hard? Hey, […]
Dusty archives, once again… 1. Saying “excuse me” when you sneeze, even though no one else is in the room. That’s very polite of you. It’s also slightly neurotic. But that’s okay. As long as you keep that natural reflex going, you’ll be sure to apologize at more […]
Another dusty relic from the archives. I realize I should spend less time excavating and more time creating, but there’s a certain warmth in looking back and remembering when. Enjoy. In yet another example of having too much time on my hands, I once embarked on a […]
Note: Another dusty excerpt from the files of the dubious psychologist, Dr. Brian, who used to have his own blog on the outer fringes of Bonnywood Manor, wherein he would answer emails from his clients. His bedside manner needs a bit of work, but it was fun messing […]
Carole was a bit troubled. That last things she could firmly recall in the fevered menagerie of her mind was that she had spent a quiet evening at home, enjoying a bit of stir-fry based on a recipe a neighbor had handed her during one of those awkward […]
I basically enjoyed it, but I still cried a little bit. Wait, perhaps I’m getting a smidge ahead of myself. Let’s rewind a day or six. Last Friday eve, as I was innocently watching something innocuous on the telly with Partner, my phone pinged. I glanced at such, […]
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