Cleo the Cat: “Who the hell is Elvis?” Scotch the Cat: “I don’t know. Wait, maybe I do. He’s the one who sings about a Boo Boo Christmas. I always have a boo boo Christmas. I make boo boos every day and then wait for the Magic Scoop […]
And so it was As I pondered tonight What should I post What should I write Many folks are busy With kith and with kin Anything I scribble Will hit the dust bin Unseen and forlorn Lost in the fray Of folks celebrating The spirit of […]
Yes, I realize that I just did a “Golden Girls” post not that long ago, and this one ends somewhat the same way. But this is an older piece, more stylized than the previous one, and for me it feels like an episode in the series, albeit an […]
Note: Another twisted chestnut from my archival stocking, thus explaining a few of the dated references… 1. Slim Jims from the corner convenience store. [Take cheap plastic meat out of cheap plastic packaging prior to arrival. Wrap meat in the ugly silk scarf that Cousin Edna tossed your […]
Off-camera person that we cannot see because this shot was poorly planned: “Excuse me. Do you have time for a few questions?” Brian, center: “That depends. Who are you and why are you holding a microphone?” Person: “My name is Humadora von Swizzlestick. But you can call me […]
Clara’s Diary: December 24th, late. So I met this guy. I was at a bar in West Hollywood, that part of town where all the set decorators live. I really only went in there because I really needed to pee. We’d been to the Cocoanut Grove earlier, and […]
Melanie was in a bit of a pickle. Her guests were due in mere minutes, and she still had several action items with which to dispense. She found this predicament to be annoyingly distressful, especially since she had planned her preparatory agenda down to the most microscopic detail, […]
Note: I was having a comment conversation with the lovely Sheila, wherein we chatted about the Piggly Wiggly supermarket chain, and it prompted me to drag this out of the archives. Enjoy. 1. Frigi-Daze The concept of opening the refrigerator and staring forlornly at the contents, unable to […]
Circa 1975… Emily: “God, Mom. Why did you bring me here? I thought we were going shopping for Christmas presents.” Mom: “That’s exactly what we’re doing.” Emily: “But I’ve never heard of this place. So I know I don’t want anything they have.” Mom: “Well, we’re not shopping […]
Cleo the Cat: “What the hell are we looking at?” Scotch the Cat: “Oh, that’s right. You’re new around here. I forgot. I forget a lot of things. I once forgot that if the toy-let seat is up you can’t use it as a long-ching pad to get […]
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