Click here to read the first part of this story. Note: Last we left things, I had just failed the vision portion of my driving test, under very murky and nefarious circumstances, and I have been ordered to leave the building by a cruel government worker known as […]
While I’m generally one of those people who gets things done when they need to get done, I have certain fail-blog areas that have caused me considerable pain in the past. There’s just some psychological mis-wiring in my brain that keeps me from doing some things in a […]
Gary: “Darling, I have terrible news that I must share.” Tallulah: “You’ve been sleeping with everyone on the planet except me?” Gary: “Oh. Well, there might be a tad bit of truth to that rumor, but it’s really not why I called this meeting.” Tallulah: “You’re a serial […]
Glycerina was rather proud of her festive ensemble, as she well should be. After all, it had taken a tremendous amount of effort to put things together, what with The Great War going on and everyone being so bitchy about supplies and late shipments and “personal sacrifice for […]
Background: This is part of a chapter from my first book, a true tale of a crazed vacation in Paris. We are all sitting on the expansive back patio of our hotel, having a few drinks and reminiscing. For some reason that now escapes me, I gave all […]
Oprah Winfrey: “Hi there. I’m working on new stories for my magazine, and I just had a few questions for you.” Vin Diesel: “How did you get in here? I instructed my guards to shoot anyone who wasn’t an agent bringing me the script for Fast and Furious […]
Myrna: “Although part of me, especially my disappointed hand that is clutching this depressing mess of tuna fish on a croissant, is desperately yearning for what you have to offer, another part of me is convinced that I should alert the proper authorities. You may have salacious intentions […]
Another tainted nugget from the Bonnywood Archival Mines… Hey, folks. Short and chemically sweet this time, just a video and a few words… I’ve babbled about this song before, although I’m not sure if I’ve shared the actual video. In any case, I really like the brief lyrics, […]
As Mrs. Shawn rounded the corner into the living room, she finally began to realize that her son might never marry. Still, there was hope. Mrs. Shawn: “Darling, must you?” Ted: “Yes, Mother. I must provide an output for my muse.” Mrs. Shawn: “I’d rather you not be […]
1. “How to Remove Your Head from Your Ass Using Common Household Items” 2. “The Margarita-Based Diet” 3. “He’s So Completely Not into You That He’s Moving to Another Planet” 4. “Chicken Soup for the Soulless” 5. “The Five Best Ways to Keep People from Slapping You” 6. […]
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