Past Imperfect – #194

By posing for this photo, Bill and Mary Franklin are adding weight to the theorem that couples in long-term relationships tend to start looking like one another. In the left background, Bill Junior is saddened by the vision of what his future holds. In the further right background, […]

Past Imperfect – #149

Under the boardwalk, they might be havin’ some fun, but up top folks were running for their lives after Clarence made it quite clear that he was absent in etiquette class when they discussed gastro-intestinal disturbances…   Previously published in “Crusty Pie”.

Past Imperfect – #376

On the movie set, preparing for Take 107. Bette, on the left: “I don’t know how much more of this I can stand. They’ve got me trussed up like Heidi in a methadone clinic, the entire script is only two pages, and the amount of testosterone in this […]

Past Imperfect – #260

Photographer: “Giselle, I need you to show more emotion. You look like you’re having a root canal.” Giselle: “But Henri, there are always the cameras in my life. I am bored and unsatisfied.” Henri: “You are wearing the latest fashions from the hottest designer, Chanel de Coco Puffs. […]

Past Imperfect – #200

Theresa, left: “You could have told me that the window was open. If I had known that, I wouldn’t have slapped my lover and he wouldn’t have fallen out of it.” Barbara, right: “That’s your own personal issue. I have problems of my own. Like this damn skirt […]

Idiot Fondue: Case Study – #30

Yet another sordid patient analysis from my days as an un-certified pseudo-psychologist with focus issues…   Dear Dr. Brian,   How does one begin the “excessive nose hair” conversation with one’s new boyfriend? Perplexed, Wilhelmina   Dear Perp, First, I’d like to extend to you my deepest sympathies, […]