The Iceman Cameth

To: Our Beloved Guests RE: The Crapfest Weather of the Last Several Days Which Has Led to Unappreciated Variances in What You Expect Out of Life First and foremost, I must thank you for your generous patience as we work our way through this wretchedly woeful wallop. Said […]

Past Imperfect – #521

Douglas, left: “Why are both of you looking at me like you know something that I don’t?” Jean, middle: “I’m not looking at anybody. When you use as much peroxide on your hair as I do, you lose a little bit of muscle control.” James, right: “I might […]

Past Imperfect – #527

Katharine: “Mirror, mirror, not on the wall, will I get the part in that movie with the hottie named Spencer?” Big Mirror: “Why, certainly. You have impeccable credentials, your acting is superb, and both you and the Spencer hottie need to quell certain rumors about your fluid sexual […]

Past Imperfect – #530

Marilyn Monroe: “Arthur, I’m not really understanding this bit in your play right here, with the witches shrieking.” Arthur Miller, off-camera due to clearance issues with his publicist: “Well, it’s an allegory about the Salem trials and McCarthyism and… why are you standing like that?” Marilyn: “I’m posing […]

Past Imperfect – #320

Wallace Beery, right: “You seem a bit out of sorts, my pet.” Joan Crawford, left: “Of course I’m out of sorts. Did you see how they treated me when we checked into this awful hotel? Wallace: “My dear, this is one of the most exquisite hotels in the […]