Dear Diary, I am a wretched and horrible human being. Oh wait, perhaps I should catch you up a bit. You see, once upon a time, I was having a delightful digital conversation with the lovely Embeecee (otherwise known as the Once and Future Queen of Utah, long […]
Cary: “You know, there are rumors about me being gay, especially when it comes to playing slap and tickle with a certain roommate I had back in the day.” Jimmy: “Well, there are rumors about me refusing to play slap and tickle with certain socialites with far too […]
Carole, reviewing the proposed advertisement: “Don’t you find this to be a little bit… insipid?” Carole’s Agent: “Of course not. Don’t all women want to be dainty and clean? This ad is doing a public service, really.” Carole: “Oh, please. Like women don’t know how to sluice the […]
The blockbuster hit that Harvey Weinstein didn’t see coming. (In Cinerama!) Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 10/31/17.
1. Who are all these strange people sleeping on your couches? Granted, some of them look a little familiar, so they could actually be invited guests who decided they might not be in the best condition to get on the nation’s highways. But it’s hard to tell. Let’s […]
Flashback… On the patio, Hemington, England, 9am, 22 May 2015 There’s a young lamb in the neighbor’s yard, bleating and prancing about, welcoming the day. Her name is Charlotte, a tribute to the recent addition to the royal lineage, courtesy of Prince William and Duchess Catherine. Apparently this […]
Dear Guests, Patrons and People Who Think They Can Sing but They Really Shouldn’t, “Thank you for joining us on yet another night of Bonnywood’s Annual Cultural Arts Festival and Bacchanalia. I’m sure a few of you are beginning to wonder if this festival will ever end, […]
Gracie learned at a young age that most people were completely useless, and that the only way to have a satisfactory life was to avoid those fools entirely. And keep reading books… Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 03/10/17. No changes made. And yes, I had the […]
Mary, left: “I’m so excited about getting to be in a Mack Sennett picture!” Marie, right: “Oh, is that what we’re doing? I thought I was waiting in line to get past the velvet rope at a Steampunk-Goth nightclub.” Mary: “That means nothing to me. But I will […]
Note: This is an excerpt from another book-in-progress, one concerning a family cruise in the Caribbean. All you really need to know is that Tiffany is my best friend, Terry is my partner, and things can get steamy in the heat of a tropical sun… Now, let’s […]
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