Past Imperfect – #345

Evelyn: “What on earth are you doing in my apartment? And why are you holding my diaphragm case?” Inspector: “Is that what this is? I thought maybe you were collecting those little Jewish hats. But since we’re on the subject, why is this case encrusted with rhinestones?” Evelyn: […]

Past Imperfect – #347

Becky: “I sure as hell ain’t goin’ up there.” Tom: “But Huck said that all the answers we ever wanted are at the top of those stairs.” Becky: “Huck is a twit. That’s what he gets for runnin’ around barefoot all the time. The stupid just sucks up […]

Past Imperfect – #138

Greta: “Wait, are you telling me you want me to die in another movie?” Agent: “But you die so beautifully. It is artistry.” Greta: “So that’s what my fans want? Pretty death?” Agent: “Yes. It’s trending on Twitter.”  

Past Imperfect – #322

Man with Stupid Hat: “Look, you need to give me the information or I will be forced to do unsavory things with this bullwhip.” Pola: “I have already told you that I will never reveal the secrets that I’m pretending that I don’t have. I am prepared to […]

Past Imperfect – #309

Mary Pickford: “What do you mean this doesn’t look realistic?” Douglas Fairbanks: “We’re supposed to be looking like the typical American family so the people in Kansas will go see our movies. How does any of this say any of that?” Mary: “Well, we’re in a boat. People […]

Past Imperfect – #304

Buster: “Why are you looking at me like that?” Marceline: “Don’t be simple. Is there something you need to tell me?” Buster: “I can’t imagine what. I share everything with you, my love.” Marceline: “Not everything. I found your stash of pornography involving carnal mimes.” Buster: “Oh. Well, […]

Present Tense – #3

Personal confession: Although I am a true acolyte of the Church of Exfoliation, I’m not one to spend extraordinary amounts of money on the latest-trend mechanized implements that dubiously guarantee to whisk away unnecessary but truculent skin cells. (I’m retired, after all, which means my spending mantra has […]

Past Imperfect – #293

Left to right, Model #1: “Damn those prop people backstage. They gave me the one handbag that had an unpaid bill hanging out of it. Just my luck. Hopefully, the annoying print on my dress will draw the focus. And this hairdo. What’s up with that afro-puff on […]