Past Imperfect – #345

Evelyn: “What on earth are you doing in my apartment? And why are you holding my diaphragm case?” Inspector: “Is that what this is? I thought maybe you were collecting those little Jewish hats. But since we’re on the subject, why is this case encrusted with rhinestones?” Evelyn: […]

Past Imperfect – #347

Becky: “I sure as hell ain’t goin’ up there.” Tom: “But Huck said that all the answers we ever wanted are at the top of those stairs.” Becky: “Huck is a twit. That’s what he gets for runnin’ around barefoot all the time. The stupid just sucks up […]

Past Imperfect – #138

Greta: “Wait, are you telling me you want me to die in another movie?” Agent: “But you die so beautifully. It is artistry.” Greta: “So that’s what my fans want? Pretty death?” Agent: “Yes. It’s trending on Twitter.”  

Past Imperfect – #322

Man with Stupid Hat: “Look, you need to give me the information or I will be forced to do unsavory things with this bullwhip.” Pola: “I have already told you that I will never reveal the secrets that I’m pretending that I don’t have. I am prepared to […]

Past Imperfect – #309

Mary Pickford: “What do you mean this doesn’t look realistic?” Douglas Fairbanks: “We’re supposed to be looking like the typical American family so the people in Kansas will go see our movies. How does any of this say any of that?” Mary: “Well, we’re in a boat. People […]

Past Imperfect – #304

Buster: “Why are you looking at me like that?” Marceline: “Don’t be simple. Is there something you need to tell me?” Buster: “I can’t imagine what. I share everything with you, my love.” Marceline: “Not everything. I found your stash of pornography involving carnal mimes.” Buster: “Oh. Well, […]

Present Tense – #3

Personal confession: Although I am a true acolyte of the Church of Exfoliation, I’m not one to spend extraordinary amounts of money on the latest-trend mechanized implements that dubiously guarantee to whisk away unnecessary but truculent skin cells. (I’m retired, after all, which means my spending mantra has […]